Worthing Borough Council has banned fairground operators from presenting goldfish as prizes. This decision follows a number of unfortunate episodes elsewhere in the UK. In New Bolsover, Derbyshire, for instance, a goldfish was spotted 18 feet up a tree. It emerged that youngsters had attached its little plastic bag to six helium ballons. The goldfish was finally rescued by officers from the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (RSPCA), and it now resides at an undisclosed address.

Needless to say, the RSPCA is calling for a nationwide ban on goldfish being offered as fairground prizes, arguing that it causes them stress. Yet there is no proof whatsoever that Goldie (name changed to protect identity) did not thoroughly enjoy his ballon trip. These little fellows seldom get a chance to see the world, and now this Branson among goldfish has a memory to cherish for ever. Well, for two or three seconds at least - goldfish are well known for having a limited memory span.

To put this into perspective: were a goldfish reading this piece, by the time he reached this exact spot - X - he would have totally forgotten the name of Worthing Borough Council; ask him who the Prime Minister was, he'll look back at you with a blank expression on his face.

This means that even if Goldie was upset at the outset of his ballon-flight - and few of us are entirely relaxed at take-off - then by the time he had come to rest in his branch he would have had no memory of having once been earthbound. In short, he would have thought he had always been a bird, and that the tree was his natural habitat. One can only imagine his distress at the sight of a team of burly RSPCA inspectors climbing up to his perch, asking him to come quietly.

Bruno, I assume you are a bear. Now many people believe that bears can't operate the internet, but you have proved otherwise. I don't think we should underestimate the memory span of......er ...... whatever fish you were talking about.

And no doubt at one time Goldie thought he was an RSPCA inspector - Now that is cruel....

Cheers Bruno - that one made me chuckle!

LOL - Bruno, that was excellent.

I wonder if the RSPCA is taking lessons from the local police who prefer to ticket speeders over arresting violent offenders. That is, don't do what is important but concentrate on what is easy.

Bruno - have you ever read "The Drunken Goldfish" ? It's by William Hartston (a former British chess champion)

It is subtitled "A celebration of irrelevant research"

The goldfish bit concerns experiments on the learning abilities of goldfish after having been subjected to various concentrations of alcohol.

All the goldfish were taught to run an underwater maze to find food in a tank that contained just a trace of alcohol.

Different groups were then subjected to different alcohol concentrations up to a level at which some (not all) of the goldfish "blacked out" and turned on their sides, but recovered in fresh water.

Three days later, the fish were then tested again on their maze-running ability in the very dilute alcoholic solution.

Those who had never tasted strong drink remembered the maze perfectly. Those who had sampled the hard liquor and blacked out, had forgotten it, but those who had sampled hard liquor without collapsing remembered it.

CONCLUSION

"A mildly inebriated goldfish will remember what you teach it, unless it continues drinking until paralytic"

Here is a picture of the goldfish waiting patiently on the wall whilst the alcohol is distilled




Other gems lead to conclusions such as :-

"A trail of plucked chickens is not a reliable indication of tornado wind force"

and

"Aristotle claimed women had fewer teeth than men, a mistake that could have been avoided by the simple device of asking Mrs Aristotle to open her mouth"

[ 12. July 2003, 10:00 AM: Message edited by: Vagabond ]

LOL!

....and before Newt asks, that's me with the bellows...

Vagabond, thank you for mentioning the book. My two teenage interests were fishing and chess, neither of which, in retrospect, I knew much about. My school team once played Hartston's school. My main memory is that they must have been very courteous people, because we mixed up the tea-pots and poured them all the grouts from the boarders' tea, but none of them said there was anything wrong. They hammered us at the chess, of course. My brother was also playing, but for the last 20 years he's been doing research on the brains of embryo chicks, so he could well feature in the book! I'll buy him the book and send him this thread and tell him to get back to fishing!