Chapter 1: GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER


1. Sag, You're it.


2. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.


3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.


4. Kick the bucket


5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.


6. Doc Goose.


7. Simon says something incoherent.


8. Hide and go pee.


9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta


10. Musical recliners.


Chapter 2: Signs of Menopause


1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.


2. Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using
you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you
are not amused, you shoot him.


3. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.


4. Your husband chirps, "Hi honey, I'm home. "And your reply, "Well, if

it isn't Ozzie f---ing Nelson."


5. The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate Cult gives
you
four hours of decent rest.


6. You change your underwear after every sneeze.


7. You're on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on a
field trip to Chippendales.


Chapter 3: Signs Of Wear


"OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make
love," and
you answer, "pick one, I can't do both!"


"OLD" IS WHEN..... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator
shoes and you're barefoot.


"OLD" IS WHEN..... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker
opens the garage door.


"OLD" IS WHEN..... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your
face.


"OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long
as
you don't have to go along.


"OLD" IS WHEN..... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead

of by the police.


"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take

any fiber today.

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if you can't be good
be careful

anmc founder member