nigelnibbles

do what i do, give your lawn a good soak at teatime, at around midnight put headlamp on your head, and very carefully go over your lawn with the lamp, you will see the worms on top, and some very nice big ones, very quietly see where they go into the ground and put your finger on them to stop then going down the hole, grip them and very slowly pull them out, they will let go eventually. you are to be very quiet and tiptoe, and the vibrations will make them shoot back down there hole. i can normally catch 30-40 big lobs this way. mind you, you will get some funny looks from the neighbours seeing you creeping round your lawn with a light on your head in the dark.

Are you tired of all those mushy "friendship" poems that always sound good but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a "friendship" poem that really speaks to true friendship Friend, When you are sad, ...I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad. When you are blue, ...I'll try to dislodge whatever is choking you. When you smile, ...I'll know you finally got laid. When you are scared, ...I will tease you about it every chance I get. When you are worried, ...I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining. When you are confused, ...I will use little words to explain. When you are sick, ...stay the hell away from me until you're well again. I don't want whatever you have. When you fall, .I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass. This is my oath, ...I pledge 'til the end. Why, you may ask? Because you're my friend!

NOW -------- Enough of that crap . . . The donkey later came back and bit the sh*t out of the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected, and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock. MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON: When you do something wrong and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you. [ 26. June 2004, 09:11 AM: Message edited by: nigelnibbles ]

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off! Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up. Remember the five simple rules to be happy: 1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive. 2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happen. 3. Live simply and appreciate what you have. 4. Give more. 5. Expect less

i agree with the above, go for maximum publicity to embaress the hospital, and Mr Mail (who should be sacked for making that decision) im sure the people of blackpool would be annoyed that animals take preferance over children, since their hard work of raising money for the scanner. good luck

wasn't that just about the best game so far, shame on holland though, a draw would have been the right result, and that wasn't a sending off offence either. The refereing standards have not been to good so far in this tournament, with some very bad decisions. And I think that if england play the same way against croatia that we did against switzerland(and lets face it, although we won 3-0 we didnt play that well)then we are going to get beaten.

ME, why not just say, "go forth and multiply" it means the same thing

was thinking the same myself seriously though Chris, it can be a very stressful time (been there myself), so take some time out for yourself

whats wrong with the welsh, i've been loads of times, nice valleys to explore, plenty of bushes, . . . . . . . . . . . i've met many a girl with nice valleys and bushes to explore in wales . . . . . . and loads of very nervous sheep as well

for $1000 a week i'd even dress up in a stupid giant mouse costume and be nice to kids

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs are roaming in the forest when they come across a lake. The water was enticing and Snow White decides to take a bath. So she tells the Dwarfs to turn around while she is taking a bath in the lake. The Dwarfs protest vehemently because they want to take a bath, too. Snow White relents and says, "When I get into the water and you hear the splash, you can turn around." Snow White undresses and as she is about to jump into the water, at that very moment, she is startled by a frog who jumps into the water before she can. The moment the Dwarfs hear the SPLASH, they turn around and see Snow White standing NAKED. Now, given that this incident is an idea for a TV ad, what product is being advertised? This should be easy for a person of your background and mental powers. If you can't figure it out just scroll down for the answer . . . . . . . . . . . . .. "SEVEN UP!!!" [ 19. June 2004, 08:27 AM: Message edited by: nigelnibbles ]

best way to cook minnows is to soak them in milk then coat them in flour, deep fry them until nice and crispy, they taste just like whitebait

Bruce is driving over the Sydney Harbour Bridge one day when he Sees his girlfriend, Sheila about to throw herself off. Bruce slams on the brakes and yells, "Sheila, what the hell d'ya think you're doing?" Sheila turns around with a tear in her eye and says, "G'day Bruce. Ya got me pregnant and so now I'm gonna kill myself."Bruce gets a lump in his throat when he hears this. He says "Strewth Sheila..... Not only are you a great shag, but you're a real sport too." And drives off. ************************************************* An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman were in a pub, talking about their sons. My son was born on St George's Day," commented the Englishman. "So we obviously decided to call him George." "That's a real coincidence," remarked the Scot. "My son was born on St Andrew's Day, so obviously we decided to call him Andrew." "That's incredible, what a coincidence," said the Irishman. Exactly the same thing happened with my son Pancake." ************************************************** There's an Englishman, Irishman & Scotsman all talking about their teenage daughters. The Englishman says " I was cleaning my daughter's room the other Day & I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I didn't even Know she smokes". The Scotsman says " That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's Room the other day when I came across a half full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she drank." With that the Irishman says " Both of you have got nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I found packet of condoms. I was really shocked. I didn't even know she had a cock." ************************************************** A little boy walks into his parent's room to see his mom on top of His Dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts. Worried about what her son has seen, she dress's quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mom and asks' "What were you and dad doing?" The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it." "Your wasting your time." say's the boy. "Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled? "Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it back up again." ************************************************** Will Young, Robbie and Kylie went for a night on the town, as they left the night-club, Kylie slipped and got her head stuck between the railings of the fence opposite the club. Robbie decided to take full advantage of this and lifted up her little skirt, pushed her thong to one side and gave her a good seeing to. "Its your turn now, Will" grinned Robbie but Will started crying. Robbie asked "Why are you crying, Will? What's wrong?" Will sobbed "My head won't fit between the railings" ************************************************** A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before You tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair - giving that you are blind that you should know five things: 1 - The bartender is a blonde girl. 2 - The bouncer is a blonde girl. 3 - I'm a 6 feet tall, 220 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight lifter. 5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler. Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke? The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nah. Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.

another vote for Okuma, got 3 of them now

our son in law has to travel from stoke on trent to sheffield today sunday, theres one train at 10.40, and the next one is not until 14.46, 4 hours between trains. he looked at the coach service, and that takes 5 hours for a 68 mile journey. And this government wants people to use public transport. WHAT PUBLIC TRANSPORT. :mad: