A woman walks into a Ferrari dealership. She browses around, then spots the car of her dreams and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery, a small fart escapes her.
Extremely embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now. But, as she turns back, there standing next to her, is a salesman.
"Good day, Madame, how may we help you today?"
Very uncomfortably, she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"
He answers, "Madame, I'm afraid I can't say. ... ..........If you farted just touching it... .............you're going to sh!t yourself when you hear the price."
A woman walks into the Chemists and says."I'd like some Cyanide to poison my husband!"
"I'm sorry" says the Chemist, "It's not as easy as that, I can't just let you have Cyanide!"
With that, the woman reaches into her bag, and produces a photograph of her husband in bed with the chemists wife!
"I do apologise" says the chemist, "I didn't realise you had a prescription !!!".
A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.
She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each others clothes off and make hot steamy love.
After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"
The guy says "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."