Winter Fishing

[Guest MikeConnor]

A gentleman on on one of the lists I subscribe to mentioned that he was looking for a fly and rod

combination, which could break through an inch of ice if required.

 

Unfortunately I was unable to advise him exactly in this respect, but I

think I got close with the following:

 

A fourteen foot beachcaster, using a slightly modified pendulum cast, ( more

or less straight up !! ), a steel crash helmet and heavy kevlar shoulder

padding, coupled with titanium reinforced body armour, ( in case "straight

up" is taken too literally ),coupled with an eight ounce reversed squid

pirk, with the tangs removed. Should do the trick.

 

While practising at the week-end ( only with a six ounce reverse torpedo

lead ), a guy from the local club, who reckoned he was a fair caster, asked

to try my gear, as he had the pedulum cast which I was demonstrating to a

few blokes from the local club, off to a fine art.

 

Always willing to learn, I handed him my gear, warned him that the reel had

neither magnetic nor air brakes, and that the bearings were oiled and

adjusted for maximum free running, I handed him my gear, and moved to one

side.

 

One or two of the spectators, obviously acquainted with the talents of our

worthy, made a few comments to the effect of "Give it some welly Dave", "Go

on Dave, show him how its done", and similar encouraging remarks.

 

Spurred on by this, and after a few moments of silent concentration, Dave

reached out with the rod, rose to his full height, and began to whirl at

considerable speed.

 

Pirouetting with the consummate grace of a world class ballet dancer, rising

up on his toes, and simultaneously heaving with the sheer brute force of a

professional hammer thrower, issuing a long and ululating grunt which would

have shamed a raging gorrila into immediate submission, he blasted off a

cast which would surely have been close to a world record, if only it had

gone forwards, carrying the line with it.

 

However, due to a slight miscalculation on his part ( The technical term

for this particular miscalculation, is apparently,

"F&%§§%? hell, my F&%§§%? finger slipped off the F&%§§%? line". )

 

Which pithy commentary detracted rather more than somewhat from the sheer

grace of the whole procedure, in the meantime, the projectile under discussion, having broken the line with a sharp crack, and thus freed from any further earthly constraint worth mentioning, hurtled more or less straight backwards, shot

clean through a 1/2" pine fence board, accompanied by a further large

cracking and splintering noise, making a smallish hole in one side, a gaping

rent in the other, and with a rather dull and surprisingly tinny thud, a

very large dent in the door of the gentleman´s brand new BMW, where it

finally came to rest.

 

The technical term for this is apparently,

"Where the F&%§§%? hell did the F&%§§%? lead go?", and the technical

answer is, "F&%§§%? hell, look what that F&%§§%? lead has done to my

F&%§§%? car!"

 

An inch of ice should be no problem at all.

 

The resulting birds nest on the multiplier was quite amazing as well. After

disentangling for nearly twenty minutes, I finally gave up, and cut it off

instead.

 

Our worthy´s commentary on this was "Never did like F&%§§%? multipliers

anyway, the F&%§§%? thing burned my F&%§§%? thumb as well".

 

Several spectators vacated the area immediately afterwards, although a

couple of hardy souls from the local angling club simply parked their cars

elsewhere.

 

He was very annoyed about the dent in his car at first, almost as much as

his burned and lacerated thumb, but after a couple of us had pointed out

what would have happened had he hit somebody else´s car, or indeed, somebody

else´s head, he agreed that it was probably better as things were.

 

Anybody know if they sell reliable body-armour on e-bay?

 

The moral of this story is, make sure you are well insured before you lend

your gear even to good casters !

 

Moral number two, for the technically minded, is, no matter what else you

do, don´t let your F&%§§%? finger slip off the F&%§§%? line while you are

showing somebody how to F&%§§%? cast, with a F&%§§%? reel you don´t know

anything about, and when your

F&%§§%? car is parked behind the F&%§§%? fence immediately in your F&%§§%?

rear, or you may find out that F&%§§%? lead weights go a lot F&%§§%?

faster than you F&%§§%? thought, when propelled by a F&%§§%? eighteen

stone ballet

dancer with a F&%§§%? fourteen foot beachcaster.

 

TL

MC

[Guest Newt]

Mike - stop it. Please. I read this post shortly after I got up this morning and my heart just isn't up to that much laughing this early.

 

I F&%§§%? loved it. Simply F&%§§%? loved it.

 

I think I may have met that fella too - or his brother or something.

[Guest Mike Connor]

Originally posted by Newt:

 

I think I may have met that fella too - or his brother or something.[/b]

His F&%§§%? brother is even F&%§§%? worse, but at least he´s a F&%§§%? flyfisher, and he only weighs about fifteen F&%§§%? stone!

 

One or two people I know make such excessive use of foul language, even when completely inappropriate, that one has considerable difficult understanding them at all.

 

On the other hand, I greatly fear that removal of the obscene expletives from their respective vocabularies would result in their communicational skills being reduced to almost zero.

 

In some cases of course, we might even be blessed by silence, so it would definitely not be all bad!

 

TL

MC

[Guest Vagabond]

Tony O'Reilly, MD of Heinz, and former Irish international rugby player, once commented on his room mate (a Welsh prop forward) on a British Lions tour. "Lovely fella, he had a vocabulary of 90 words, 20 of them rugby terms, 20 to do with food and drink, the rest of them unprintable"

 

I know an angler like that...........

[Guest Alan Roe]

Mike that was a superb post I have also met this same person and his mates at one time or another...But your description was priceless!

[Guest Mike Connor]

Originally posted by Alan Roe:

Mike that was a superb post       I have also met this same person and his mates at one time or another...But your description was priceless!

There´s a lot of it about!

 

Glad you enjoyed it.

 

TL

MC

[Guest Nightwing]

Priceless!