Wallpaper!

[Guest MikeConnor]

A gentleman posted this request on a list I subscribe to, and I couched the attached reply. Quite a few found it amusing. I hope you will too!

 

>Does anyone know of a stockist of fly fishing wallpaper?

>

> My wife thinks the back hall would look nice decorated with a classic

salmon

> fly wallpaper, I have to admit I agree with her - this time. I have search

> the internet for hours with little success, I remember seeing something a

> few years ago. Can anyone point me in the right direction before my wife

> changes her mind.

>

 

 

Last night I dreamed, the strangest dream, the weirdest dream of all,

I woke and went downstairs and saw, fish leaping in the hall,

I fetched my rod and reel and stuff, and tried a cast or two,

then I woke and realised that the fish , like the flies, were stuck with

glue.

 

Now none of this, was bad at all, just the result of wishing,

my wife it seems, does not agree, and has stopped me fishing,

she can not understand at all, and found it all quite rude,

me standing there, swinging my rod, completely in the nude.

 

"You´re going nuts!", she said to me, "That paper´s coming down",

"Stop swinging that, at once", she said, and marched off with a frown.

Next morning she was quite upset, with loud and anguished cries,

"Everything in this house of note, has pictures of fish or flies!".

 

"The coffee mugs, with trout motif, the saucers too with fish,

the spoons shaped just like salmon, and sea-trout on every dish.

Knives and forks like silver smolts, and teaspoons shaped like fry,

the bathroom tiles, the floor the walls, just make me want to cry".

 

"Photographs and pictures, of every silly fish you ever landed,

and studies of you standing there, and casting double-handed,

feathered hooks in fading frames, cabinets with gear and reels,

no sane person could live here, you don´t know how it feels".

 

"Whenever I want something done, although I scream and bawl,

you are either somewhere fishing, or just staring at the wall".

Dismayed, I tried my very best, to calm the angry scene.

there are no flies on me now, but you can see where they have been!

 

Gentle angler, hear my tale, if you want permanent marital bliss,

settle for plain wallpaper, and give the ones with flies a miss,

they may cause great hardship, lots of argument and strife,

it seems a shame because of wallpaper, to lose a decent wife.

 

It might not have come to that, had I been less enthusiastic,

I fear the last straw, was the insects, encased in see-through plastic,

They looked quite nice I thought myself, sitting everywhere,

among my fishing books and things, but my wife could only glare.

 

"Either they go, or I do", she simply upped and said one day,

I was simply lost for words, after all, what can one say?

Eventually, peace reigned at last, and as I checked my gear,

I thought, "It really is a shame she went, she was quite a dear".

 

All turned out well at last though, I now have much more space,

and now have lots more gear and pictures, spread around the place,

nobody screams and bawls at me, for staring at flies on all the walls,

or complains when I come down at night, to practice double hauls.

 

My casting has improved a lot, and I have lots more money too,

my angling friends all like my house, and often comment on the view,

the back hall is a landscape now, with a picture of a lovely stream,

and I often sit before it, lost again, in yet another fishy dream!

 

TL

MC