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'Fess up...who's the father???


severus

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The following are all replies that Dallas women have written on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing father's name details. These are genuine excerpts from the forms.

 

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

 

2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

 

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600 Grand Avenue where I had unprotected sex

with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do

manage to track down the father, can you send me his phone number? Thanks.

 

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

 

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again.

 

6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.

 

7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all blacks look the same to me.

 

8. Peter Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?

 

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney World; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

 

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained unfertilized.

 

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.

Be good and you will be lonely.
~ Mark Twain

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ROF. #11 has to be the best of a good lot.

" My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference!" - Harry Truman, 33rd US President

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A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids ...

 

"WOW," the social worker exclaims,"are they ALL YOURS???"

 

"Yep they are all mine," the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, "Sit down Leroy." All the children rush to find seats.

 

"Well," says the social worker, "then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names."

 

"This one's my oldest - he is Leroy."

 

"OK, and who's next?"

 

"Well, this one he is Leroy, also." The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues.

One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy. Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Leighroy!

 

"All right," says the caseworker. "I'm seeing a pattern here . . . Are they ALL named Leroy?"

 

Their Momma replied, "Well, yes-it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, 'Leroy!' An' when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' an' they all comes a running.' An 'if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell 'Leroy' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Leroy."

 

The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively,

"But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?"

 

"I call them by their last names."

" My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference!" - Harry Truman, 33rd US President

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