English - a truly insane language

[Newt]

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

 

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

 

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

 

3) The dump was so full that they had to refuse more refuse.

 

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

 

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

 

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

 

7) Since there is no time like the present, I thought it was time to present him with the present.

 

8) The musical angler painged a bass on the head of the bass drum.

 

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

 

10) I did not object to the object.

 

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

 

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

 

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

 

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

 

15) The clumsy seamstress (so a sewer by trade) fell down into the sewer line.

 

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow how to sow.

 

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

 

18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.

 

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

 

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

 

 

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.

 

*There is no egg in eggplant - nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

 

*English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.

 

*Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

 

*We take English for granted - but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

 

*Why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham?

 

*If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth??

 

*One goose - two geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

 

*Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends, but not one amend.

 

*If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

 

*If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

 

*If a vegetarian eats vegetables, are humanitarians cannibals??

 

*In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

 

*Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

 

*Have noses that run and feet that smell?

 

*How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

 

*And if I'm uncouth, are you couth?

 

**P.S. Why doesn't Buick rhyme with quick

 

[ 28. May 2004, 11:03 PM: Message edited by: Newt ]

[Peter Waller]

Can't be such a bad language Newt, your lot have adopted their own version!!

[bluezulu]

could be worse we could all speak bloody french!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[severus]

Bluezulu:

quote:

---

could be worse we could all speak bloody french!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

---

 

It must be brutal learning English, because of all the double-meanings. For example: time flies like an arrow, while fruit flies like a banana. How could you know there is a difference?

 

Also:

 

What do you call a person who knows 3 languages?

Tri-lingual.

 

What do you call a person who knows 2 languages?

Bi-lingual.

 

What do you call a person who knows 1 language?

An American.

 

Ken

 

[ 28. May 2004, 11:39 PM: Message edited by: severus ]

[Newt]

Peter Waller:

Can't be such a bad language Newt, your lot have adopted their own version!!

But our version makes sense.

 

Take the term for the luggage space at the rear of an auto.

 

American = Trunk. Carryover term from wagon times when you would use a Trunk (large piece of luggage in case the Brit term is different) to hold stuff you wanted protected and out of the weather. Early automobiles simply had a rack on the rear for holding your trunk. So the use of the term to refer to the rear section of a more modern auto makes sense.

 

Brit = Boot. ?????

 

US: Favor - pronounced fa (as in pay) vor

UK: Favour - pronounced fa (as in pay) vor. So why stuff in the 'u' that does nothing except make the word longer? Or why not pronounce the 'our' as you would in hour? So Fa-vhour.

 

I think the main problem is that you folks have lived so close to France for all these years.