Got Any Good Jokes????

[severus]

A man and a woman, who have never met before, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two were tired and fell asleep quickly...he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

 

At 1:00 AM, he leaned over and gently woke the woman, saying,"Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold." "I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married." "Wow! That's a great idea!!" he exclaimed. "Good," she replied. "Now get your own damn blanket!"

 

After a moment of silence, he farted.

[MickJ]

Little Tommy runs into the bathroom one day to find his mother taking a bath. He points at her bush and asks, "What's that Mommy?"

A little embarrassed, she tells him that is is her sponge. Tommy is satisfied with that answer and goes back to playing with his toys. Some time later, Tommy catches his mother in the shower shortly after she has shaved her bush for bikini season. Tommy asks her, "Where is your sponge mommy?"

 

Again embarrassed she tells him that she lost it but will probably find it soon. Tommy is a little worried and promises his mommy that he will help her find it. His mother says okay, and goes back to showering. Soon, Tommy comes running back in and says that he has found his mother's sponge. "What do you mean you found my sponge? Where?"

 

"The lady next door has it and she's washing Daddy's face with it!"

[SharSam]

[Ken L]

Little Tommy's cousin Johnny Blundered into the bathroom while his mom was naked in the shower. He pointed at her bush and said "Mom, What's that ?"

Thinking quickly, mom replied "It's my pet Hedgehog"

 

Mom and dad had a bit of a laugh about Johnny's daft question that night and knowing that the lad was a bit slow, they assumed that he'd soon forget the incident.

 

A week latter, Johnny walks in on his dad, naked in the shower. "What's that dad ?" asked Johnny.

"It's my pet hedgehog repliesd his dad.

 

"**** me" said Johnny "It's got a big Kock init ?"

[MickJ]

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they had a standing £1000 bet.

 

The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.

 

Many people had tried over timebut nobody could do it. One day, a scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit.

"I'd like to try the bet," he said in a tiny, squeaky voice.

 

After the laughter had died down, the bartender grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. He handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.

 

But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.

 

As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the £1000 and asked the little man what he did for a living. Was he a builder, or a weightlifter, or what?

 

"I work for the IRS."

[Guest sslatter]

A bloke goes to the Doctor's and says:

 

" 'ere Doctor.. I've got this TERRIBLE (PROOOOOT!) problem (PROOOOOOOOT!)..I mean I just can't stop (PROOOOOT!) expelling wind!"

 

"Hmmm.." replies the Doctor. "Take all your clothes off, bend over that chair, and I'll be back in 5 minutes."

 

"Oh, alright (PROOOT!)Doctor." he replies. Off goes the Doctor, so he takes all his clothes off and bends over the chair, with his backside up in the air, and 5 minutes later, in comes the Doctor with a massive great big long wooden pole, with a big metal hook on the end of it.

 

"Here (PROOOOT!) Doctor.." says the bloke fearfully. "What are you (PROOOOOOT!) gonna do with that?"

 

And the Doctor replies:

 

"I'm gonna open the windows- it stinks like a s***house in here!"

 

[ 04. June 2004, 01:06 PM: Message edited by: Graham X ]

[MrWiggly]

Little Jennifer arrives home from school with her friend and marches straight through the door, and up to her father.

 

"Daddy" she says "What is a penis ?"

 

Her father is rather taken aback, but reacts quickly and desides to throw caution to the wind. So, dropping his trousers, he proudly announces "That , Daughter, Is a Penis !"

 

"Thank you Daddy" says little Jenifer, and she goes outside to rejoin her friend.

 

"Well" says her friend "Did you find out what a Penis was ?"

 

"Oh yes" says Jenifer "It's like a prick, only smaller !"

[Little Tinca]

[MickJ]

A husband said to his wife, "I will take a photo of your breasts and frame it."

 

The wife said to her husband, "I will take a photo of your penis and enlarge it."

[Little Tinca]

Thread dropping out of sight it's much to good for that.