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Your Favorite Limerick?


severus

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You've probably heard this one:

 

In days of old when knights were bold,

And toilets weren't invented,

You laid your load upon the road,

And walked away contented.

Be good and you will be lonely.
~ Mark Twain

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Not quite a limerick but close. Told to me by Spike Milligan in a Rye, Sussex teashop in 2001.

 

'she stood on the bridge at midnight

her body all a quiver

he took her hand, her arm fell off

and floated down the river'

 

Sounds like Spike too, God rest him.

 

[ 26. May 2004, 02:40 PM: Message edited by: argyll ]

'I've got a mind like a steel wassitsname'

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It looks as if we have moved away from the limericks and on to distorted nursery rhymes so here is one or two to add to that list...

 

Little miss muffet,

Sat on her tuffet,

As naked as the day she was born,

It wasn't the spider that sat down beside her,

But little boy blue with his horn.

 

Mary had a little skirt

with splits right up the sides

and every time that Mary walked

the boys could see her Thighs

 

Mary had another skirt

twas split right up the front

...but she didn't wear that one very often

 

Simple Simon met a Pieman, going to the fair.

Said Simple Simon to the Pieman,

What have you got there?

Said the Pieman unto Simon,

Pies, you ********.

 

 

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the kings horses and all the kings men,

said "F*** him, He's only an egg.

 

 

Mary had a little lamb

It ran into a pylon.

10,000 volts went up it's ass

and turned it's wool to nylon

 

Georgie Porgy pudding and pie.

kissed the girls and made them cry.

When the boys came out to play,

He kissed them too, cause he was gay.

 

Jack and Jill

Went up the hill

to have some hanky panky.

Silly Jill forgot her pill

And now there's little Franky.

 

Old Mother Hubbard

Went to the cupboard

to fetch her poor dog a bone.

When she bent over

Rover took over,

And gave her a bone of his own.

 

 

Little Boy Blew.

Hey. He needed the money.

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Point of order chaps a limerick is supposed to be 5 lines long!

 

There was an old man from Leeds

Who swallowed a packet of seeds

In less than an hour

His nose was a flower

And his hair was a mass of weeds

xxx

 

 

Fishing digs on the Mull of Galloway - recommend

HERE

 

babyforavatar.jpg

 

Me when I had hair

 

 

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy

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You're right, Snatcher, here's a few more. I'm still grinning from MadMax's limerick.

 

There once was a girl from South Philly,

Who quit Greenpeace for she thought it too silly,

I said, “Don’t worry Gail,

If you wish to pet a whale,

Just undo my zipper and free Willy.”

 

There was a young woman from Maine,

Who declared she’d a man on her brain,

But you knew from the view,

Of the way her waist grew,

It was not on her brain that he’d lain.

Be good and you will be lonely.
~ Mark Twain

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