For the golfers amoung us

[Newt 290]

Golfisms

 

*The Gospel According to St. Titleist*

 

1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk.

~ Grantland Rice

 

2 Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.

~ John Updike

 

3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.

~ Robert Lynd

 

4. If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is.

~Horace G. Hutchinson

 

5. They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.

~ Gardner Dickinson

 

6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.

~ Sam Snead

 

7. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.

~ William Wordsworth

 

8. If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.

~ Dean Martin

 

9. If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up.

~ Tommy Bolt

 

10. Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one.

~ Bishop Sheen

 

11. I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.

~ Arnold Palmer

 

12. My handicap? Woods and irons.

~ Chris Codiroli

 

13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top.

~ Pete Dye

 

14. I'm hitting the woods just great, but having a terrible time getting out of them!

~ Buddy Hackett

 

15. The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf.

~ Billy Graham

 

16. If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.

~ Jack Lemmon

 

17. Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

~ Mark Twain

 

18. Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.

~ Harry Vardon

 

19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them.

~ Raymond Willis

 

20. May the ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters or small round sandy regions.

~ Ben Hogan

 

21. If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.

~ All Us Hackers

 

22 The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.

~ George Deukmejian

 

AND FINALLY................

 

23. Remember Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.

~ Lee Trevino

[severus 0]

Excellent, especially Dean Martin's quote.