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For the golfers amoung us

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*The Gospel According to St. Titleist*


1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk.

~ Grantland Rice


2 Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.

~ John Updike


3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.

~ Robert Lynd


4. If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is.

~Horace G. Hutchinson


5. They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.

~ Gardner Dickinson


6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.

~ Sam Snead


7. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.

~ William Wordsworth


8. If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.

~ Dean Martin


9. If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up.

~ Tommy Bolt


10. Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one.

~ Bishop Sheen


11. I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.

~ Arnold Palmer


12. My handicap? Woods and irons.

~ Chris Codiroli


13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top.

~ Pete Dye


14. I'm hitting the woods just great, but having a terrible time getting out of them!

~ Buddy Hackett


15. The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf.

~ Billy Graham


16. If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.

~ Jack Lemmon


17. Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

~ Mark Twain


18. Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.

~ Harry Vardon


19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them.

~ Raymond Willis


20. May the ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters or small round sandy regions.

~ Ben Hogan


21. If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.

~ All Us Hackers


22 The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.

~ George Deukmejian


AND FINALLY................


23. Remember Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.

~ Lee Trevino

" My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference!" - Harry Truman, 33rd US President

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