Post your vet jokes here

[bitsbobs]

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help.

 

The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put the dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead.

 

The man is clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, and demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat, and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows.

The vet looks at the man and says: "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead, too."

 

The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. The vet brings in a Black Labrador. The Lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says: "I'm sorry, but the Lab thinks your dog is dead, too."

 

The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes.

The vet answers, "$550."

"$550 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man!

 

"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $500 was for the cat scan and lab tests."

[Newt]

A zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the gorilla, a female, became very ornery, and difficult to handle. When he examined her, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem: She was in heat. What to do? There was no male of this species available.

 

While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed Mike, an employee responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Now Mike, it was rumored, possessed ample ability to satisfy any female, and he wasn't very bright. So the zoo administrators thought they might have a solution.

 

Perhaps they could entice Mike to satisfy the female gorilla. So he was approached with a proposition: Would he be willing to sc**w the gorilla for five hundred bucks?

 

Mike replied that he might be interested, but would have to think the matter over.

 

The following day, Mike announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions.

 

"First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her, and second, I want nothing to do with any offspring that may result from this union."

 

The zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, but what could be the third?

 

"Well," said Mike, "You've gotta give me another week to come up with the five hundred bucks!"

[Dan]

Ho Ho!

Dan

[Dave Hill]

Excellent... both now distributed around the office

[chesters1]

that Truda Mostue is a joke ,because she managed to impale a little pussy cat several times and stuck her arm up a cows arse ,the people in charge of telly think we want to see her every five minutes.