Breaking News Item

[Newt]

Breaking News

 

Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day

strike next Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are

entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so

far failed to produce an agreement.

 

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the

number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will

be cut by 25% this April from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut

was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and

a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

 

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organisation of Occupational

Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this was

unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike

action. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members

are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We

don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a

kick in the teeth".

 

Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands in which he

currently resides, an Al Qaeda chief executive explained,

 

"We sympathise with our workers' concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not

in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the

realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to

Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the

afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and

laying people off. I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to

tell 3000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."

 

Spokespersons for the union in Newcastle , Middlesbrough, Essex,

Glasgow and Australia stated that they would be unaffected as there

are no virgins in these areas anyway.

 

Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been

largely put down to the emergence of the Scottish singing star, Susan

Boyle. Now that Muslims know what a virgin looks like, they are not so

keen on going to paradise.

[Now there's a right un.]

Brilliant Newt...

[captain cojones]

:lol:

[Davy Holt]

love it

[Newt]

Hiya Davy and welcome back.

[Davy Holt]

Hiya Newt,

 

Hiya Davy and welcome back.

 

 

thanks ... I hope things are ok with you ?

[jedibond]

Brilliant Newt !