Signs

[Julian]

These are actual signs seen in England (apparently!).

 

Sign in a Laundromat:

AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL OUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

 

In an office:

WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

 

In an office:

TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE THE FLOOR BELOW

 

In an office:

AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD.

 

Outside a second hand shop:

WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN

 

Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened to by the Prince of Wales:

THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING. IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED AFTER BEING OPENED. OPEN TOMORROW

 

Outside a photographer's studio:

OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO.

 

Outside a disco:

SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN. EVERYONE WELCOME.

 

Sign warning of quicksand:

QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT WILL BE DROWNED. BY ORDER OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL

 

Notice sent to residents of a Wiltshire parish:

DUE TO INCREASING PROBLEMS WITH LITTER LOUTS AND VANDALS WE MUST ASK ANYONE WITH RELATIVES BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD TO DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP THEM INORDER

 

Notice in a dry cleaner's window:

ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF.

 

Notice in a health food shop:

CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

 

Spotted in a safari park:

ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

 

Seen during a conference:

FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR.

 

Notice in a field:

THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL MAY CHARGE.

 

Message on a leaflet:

IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS.

[PH]

I saw this homemade sign while drive in the countryside...

CAUTIOUS CATTLE CROSSING

[Simon Newbould]

A sign on the back door at work:

 

Emmergency (sic) door please keep closed when opened.

 

[DMCA]

Ther is or used to be a shop somewhere in East London (forgotten exactly where i saw it) that had a sign outside saying:

 

DON'T KILL YOUR WIFE

LET US DO IT FOR YOU

 

shop was offering cleaning/ironing sevices or something aong those lines

[Jeffers]

On the A27 into Brighton was the sign:-

 

CAREFUL DRIVERS ARE WELCOME TO BRIGHTON

 

some wag had written with spray paint

 

"COS THE LOCALS DON'T WANT IT"

[Newt]

I think I found where chesters1 lives.

 

 

And a few reasons maybe living in the US might not be so bad.

 

 

 

[Vagabond]

At a cafe in Brighton

 

"IF YOUR WIFE CAN'T COOK, KEEP HER AS A PET, AND EAT HERE"

[Jim Roper]

Julian:

These are actual signs seen in England (apparently!)

Heard this one mentioned on the wireless this evening.

 

"If you have not received this letter, please ring MAFF on...."

 

Jim Roper

 

http://www.searchlineuk.com/FishList.htm

[chesters1]

i`m friendly newt ,just dont mention the cursed federal state of europe ,any of its members ,any of its nationals etc etc ,yanks are ok ,well till we pay of the 360 odd million pounds we owe you from ww2 and then you can involve yourselves in ANOTHER 250 armed interferences with foreign countries by yourself

[p eye]

whilst working down in Looe Cornwall years back I saw this outside a bakery " Freshly filled Looe rolls" straight up!