Funny Poem: THE SICK NOTE/MURPHY AND THE BRICKS

[Apache]

Dear Sir, I write this note to you to tell you of my plight,

For at this time of writing I am not a pretty sight,

My body is all black and blue, my face a deathly grey,

And I write this note to say why Paddy's not at work today,

Whilst working on the fourteenth floor some bricks I had to clear,

To throw them down from such a height was not a good idea,

The foreman wasn't very pleased, he being a awkward sod,

He said I'd have to cart them down the levels in my hod,

Now clearing all those bricks by hand it was so very slow,

So I hoisted up a barrel and secured the rope below,

But in my haste to do the job I was too blind to see,

That a barrel full of building bricks was heavier than me,

So when I untied the rope, the barrel fell like lead,

And clinging tightly to the rope I started up instead,

I shot up like a rocket till to my dismay I found,

That half way up I met the bloody barrel coming down,

The barrel broke my shoulder as to the ground it sped,

And when I reached the top I banged the pulley with my head,

I hung on tightly, numb with shock from this almighty blow,

And the barrel spilled out half the bricks fourteen floors below,

Now when these bricks had fallen from the barrel to the floor,

I then outweighed the barrel and so started down once more,

Still clinging tightly to the rope, my body raked with pain,

When half way down I met the bloody barrel once again,

The force of this collision halfway up the office block,

Caused multiple abrasions and a nasty state of shock,

Still clinging tightly to the rope I fell towards the ground,

And landed on the broken bricks that were all scattered round,

I lay there moaning on the ground, I thought I'd passed the worst,

When the barrel hit the pulley wheel and then the bottom burst,

A shower of bricks rained down on me, I hadn't got a hope,

As I lay there bleeding on the ground I let go the bloody rope,

The barrel then was heavier, it started down once more,

And landed right across me as I lay upon the floor,

It broke three ribs and my left arm and I can only say,

That I hope you'll understand why Paddy's not at work today.

[bushwacker]

thats just had tears streaming down my face. Excellent mate.

[Mally]

Ive kinda heard that before but as a true story, it was almost exactly the same as your poem but as i say written as a 'true' story. Anyone else heard it?

[MarkV]

Mally:

Ive kinda heard that before but as a true story, it was almost exactly the same as your poem but as i say written as a 'true' story. Anyone else heard it?

Yep, earlier this year, not in prose, an "it actually happened" type of thing

[Chris Plumb]

Ah - The Bricklayer's Lament has told by Gerard Hoffnung at the Oxford Union, December 4th, 1958, and later converted to song (And recordings can still be found today). Based on a VERY old urban legend - it's been around since at least 1918 when it appeared in a joke book. Oft retold (and recorded since) usually in the guise of and accident report or an insurance claim.

 

Chris

 

[ 12. August 2002, 08:24 PM: Message edited by: Chris Plumb ]

[Apache]

I found it as a story and converted it to a poem before putting it up here

[Newt]

In fact, if anyone wants a recording just let me know. Pretty large attachment (6+ Mb) but screamingly funny. Not sure who does the reading but he is excellent.