WE MUST STOP

[Newt]

WE MUST STOP

THIS SINISTER PLOT!

 

Have you ever noticed that as the years go by, everything seems uphill from where you are? Stairs are steeper, groceries are heavier, and everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was horrified to discover how long our street had become! I never noticed when I was younger that it's been changing!

 

And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?

 

I also have a feeling that these people are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, something has been making people who used to be my own age so much older than I am.

 

I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me. I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own refection... and I noticed that even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!

 

Clothing manufacturers are part of the conspiracy too! Why else would they suddenly start labeling a 36 regular suit as a 46? Do they think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist or chest?

 

Another thing, everyone drives so fast today! You're risking life and limb if you just happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.

 

The people who make bathroom scales are in on it as well. Do they think I actually believe the number I see on that dial? Hah! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling?

 

I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on - but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in here!

 

All I can do is pass along this warning: Maturity is under attack! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon *everyone* will have to suffer these awful indignities.

 

PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED!

 

P.S.: I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because something has caused fonts to be smaller than they once were, too!

 

[ 14. October 2002, 08:59 PM: Message edited by: Newt ]

[M.K]

Was that a joke?

It wa dead scary

AND ME! being 14 am a yout

AND I FOR ONE DONT SPEAK QUIET!

You are GENRELISING (i think)

Only little girls mumble now`days

Might be ur hearing

[Tyke]

ermmmmmm i seem to be missing summat here!

[Newt]

M.K - it was intended to be a funny but only because it is so true. I'm nearly 60 and while I don't have all the listed issues yet, I do have enough to believe them all.

 

And absolutely, I was generalizing. It is allowed in jokes.

 

Tell ya what. Print that one off (use big type) and show it to any of your relatives who are getting up in age. They will probably think it is funny.

 

From what I've seen so far, my body ages but my brain doesn't really think so. My mind seems to be stuck on about 25 or so I think. And sometimes I will do things that are fine at 25 but really stupid at 60. Just ask my wife.

[Steve Burke]

Nice one, Newt! I must be getting older than I thought!

[littlefeathers]

Newt, I understand fully what u've said, we drink more tea because the manufactures make it weaker, me want the telly turned up higher because the broadcasters turned the volume down, we get beeped at crossing the road because the council have decreased the amount of time allocated to us crossing the road on the green man, we want a sleep in the afternoon because someones altered the clock, we need to wear thermals at night because someones let jack frost in, we have a glass of hot milk at bed time because someones ordered to much milk, we get given a small fish lunch dinner time (because thats all they think we can catch) plus,the petrol station only allow us a litre of petrol for our sunday afternoon drive - yipppppeee isnt it great getting old, these things are already happening to me and im only 41. :confused:

[Newt]

Yup littlefeathers. My brain, for instance, tells me that the massage oil would be interesting and good for hours of fun.

 

My body on the other hand would probably tell me minutes, not hours. Or possibly just to forget the whole thing. Grrrrr.