USA--- Lucky not to have the French on board

[Colin Brett]

Newt, Just found this and thought of you!!

 

Afraid the world will discover their underhanded dealings with Iraq, they trumpet appeasement. Wonder why the Iraqis assinated Abu Nidal?

 

Iraq is ripe for takeover by fundamentalists. Opressive government, stifled populace, well organized terrorists looking to use religious fundamentalism to stir up the people.

 

The country is a ready-made weapons platform for OBL to launch into Saudi Arabia and give him access to chemical and bio weapons and have a nuclear program well along. The issue is less that Saddam has weapons, more that he has them and can't hold on to them internally.

 

As for the French!

 

So the French still aren't on board with us spanking Iraq. Oh boo hoo. Let's take a look at the mighty French military prowess, shall we?

 

 

Gallic Wars - Lost.

In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

 

Hundred Years War - Mostly lost,

saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare: "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."

 

Italian Wars - Lost.

France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

 

Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

 

Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

 

War of Devolution - Tied.

Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

 

The Dutch War - Tied

 

War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie.

Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

 

War of the Spanish Succession - Lost.

The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved ever since.

 

American Revolution -

In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known a the "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

 

French Revolution - Won,

primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

 

The Napoleonic Wars - Lost.

Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

 

The Franco-Prussian War - Lost.

Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

 

World War I - Tied and on the way to losing France is saved by the United States.

Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein."

World War II - Lost.

Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

 

War in Indochina - Lost.

French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu.

 

Algerian Rebellion - Lost.

Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare: "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

 

! War on Terrorism -

France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

 

The question for any country

silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France surrenders?"

 

The British, on the other hand, are the other great bastion of freedom in the world and dedicated to preserving it........and bloody well capable to boot.

 

Colin

[Colin Brett]

And again,

 

Ho, ho, ho. An excellent and amusing summary of les frogs.

 

Q. What is the difference between the French and toast?

A. You can make soldiers out of toast.

 

I'll get me coat.

 

Colin

[Newt]

Colin - ROFLMAO

 

Wonderful piece and thanx for posting it.

 

I have never been sure if the UK should be happy or sad about having France right across the channel.

 

Useless as a buffer against any sort of attack thru France.

 

Toothless as an enemy.

 

I have met some French folk I liked. I have met some from her clone in the center of Canada I liked. But their general attitude (would say "national attitude" but Qubec isn't quite a seperate country) has never done a thing for me.

 

I am in the process of passing that first post and the bit in the 2nd along to an appreciative audience.

[H Jampton]

Colin Brett:

 

Q. What is the difference between the French and toast?

A. You can make soldiers out of toast.

I take it, you won't be voting to join the Euro!!

[Colin Brett]

H Jampton:

H Jampton:

 

Q. What is the difference between the French and toast?

A. You can make soldiers out of toast.

I take it, you won't be voting to join the Euro!!

No! That's if we are even given a vote on the subject.

 

Colin

[Colin Brett]

Newt,

 

Just found another little gem!!

 

Why do we need the French anyway we should just leave the accordian player at home, they are only noisy luggage.

 

They are also just a bunch of Pirates (cutting fishing nets in the English channel) how un civilised is that for a start.

 

And they claim to be for peace (blowing up a green peace ship 'goverment organised of course')

 

They broke UN resolutions on banning British beef long after it was officially declared safe just to help their own self interest

 

And now they let in their country (amongst fierce opposition from the rest of Europe) Mugabe the dictator and oppressor who had White African farmers burned shot and beaten, of course this would be for their own economic ends as well.

 

And they lace some brands of wine with sheep's blood which in itself could be a danger from carrying BSE. [not sure about that one]

 

I really believe Chirac is worried about something being exposed on the world stage with his connections with Iraq which will embarrass his goverment in front of his own people and the rest of the world.

 

This is not intended to offend the good French person but aimed at your goverment policies which you should be pretty embarrased about by now.

 

Colin

[peter mccue]

Bit late to worry about causing offence Colin.

 

Very funny mate, that will be passed on to a few people I'll bet.

[*Ant*]

maybe the French are just a lovely peace loving people.....or is it that 5 months ago their oil companies Elf, Total and Fina signed billion dollar deals for Iraqi oil.

 

and lets not forget the peace loving nations nuclear weapons tests in the south pacific not too many years ago.

[River Angler]

Knowing the french and what they are like, If they did join they would go on strike and picket the front lines not letting ( ok trying not to ) our guys through.

 

As for the Euro, no way tell them where to put it.

 

I would rather join with a country that would/has supported us. The french etc are just out for what they can get from us.

[Slim Shady]

The amount of fishing matches i've lost maybe my old mans French then