any good jokes

[fishing phoenix]

Has any one got any good jokes? i got one why did the hedgehog cross the road? To see his flat mate.

[Tyke]

I can see why you are asking for some good jokes

[Guest sslatter]

Q: What have Yasser Arafat and Gareth Gates got in common?

 

A: They've both pulled out of Jordan.

[ayjay]

Gareth Gates went into a sweet shop for a Mars bar,half an hour later he came out with 50 packets of M&Ms.

[John Ellison]

A chap goes to the doctors covered in boils and ulcers. The doctor over a period of weeks and weeks gives him every known remedy known to man, but it makes no difference, he still looks gruesome. The doctor says I'm sorry there is no more I can do for you, I've tried everything.

The chap says well that's it then I'll have to top myself, I can't bear to look in the mirror evey morning and seeing myself like this.

The doctor said look, at medical school,there was a witch doctor, I have his current address if you want to look him up, maybe he can help.

The chap was game for anything. He see's the witch doctor, who can't see what the fuss is about. I can cure you, no problem. But, I must warn you the treatment is a bit drastic, but I garuantee I can cure you. Ok. says the chap what do I have to do?

The first thing you must do said the witch doctor is to kill and dismember your best mate, not just a friend, your best mate. You then have to put him in a big cooking pot, bring him to the boil, simmer for 8 hours, then let it go cold.

Skim the grease from the top of the pot and rub it all over your body, by the morning you'll have a complexion like Katie Boyle.

Oh no, I can't do that, not my best mate.

That's the only cure said the witch doctor.

He woke up the following morning, took one look in the mirror, gruesome. He made his mind up he would do it. He lured his best mate round, did the foul deed, chopped him up, boiled him up, rendered him down and rubbed the grease all over his body.

He looked in the mirror next morning, he could not believe his eyes. His complexion was flawless.

He went rushing over to the witch doctors to break the news. The witch doctor said there, I told you so.

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. Marvelous stuff, this PAL-O-MINE lotion.

Well, you asked for it

[nursejudy]

urh.....

[Jeff S]

My daughter told me one the other day.

 

What do you get when you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?

 

A wooly Jumpa

[rich]

a bear and a rabbit are having a poo in the woods, the bear says to the rabbit "do you have a problem with sh*t sticking to your fur"? No replys the rabbit, so the bear wiped his ar*e with the rabbit.

 

cheers

 

rich

[Vince]

n this out of the way village there was an INJIN called "onestone".

 

This was his Indian name because he had only one testicle.

 

After years and years of this torment onestone cracked and said,

"If anyone calls me onestone again I will kill them!".

 

The word got around, and nobody called him onestone any more.

 

Then one day a young girl forgot and said, "Good morning onestone."

He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest, where he

shagged her all day, he shagged her all night, he shagged her all the

next day, until she died from exhaustion.

 

The word got around that onestone meant business.

 

Years went by until a woman returned to the village after many yearsa way.

 

She was overjoyed when she saw onestone and hugged him and said, "Good to see you onestone."

 

Again, onestone grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he

shagged her all day, shagged her all night, shagged her all the next

day,shagged her all the next night,

but she wouldn't die!

 

What is the moral of the story?

 

 

> > >

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You can't kill two birds with one stone.

[Alan Taylor]

fishing phoenix:

Has any one got any good jokes? i got one why did the hedgehog cross the road? To see his flat mate.                

A very modest lady applied for a job at the factory where they made

"Tickle me Elmo dolls". It was Friday and almost quitting time and

hurriedly

the

boss told her to report for work on Monday. He quickly explained to her

she would be stationed on the assembly line just before the dolls were

packed into boxes.

 

On Monday they started up the line and within twenty minutes had to shut

it down because one worker couldn't keep up. The boss went down the

line=

 

to

find the problem. The new employee was very busy trying to do her part

but she had a bunch of dolls waiting for her. Closer examination showed

she

was sewing little cloth bags containing two walnuts in the appropriate

place on the dolls.

 

The boss could not control his laughter and said, "Lady, I said to give

each doll Two----Test----Tickles."

 

Alan(nl)