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Limericks ( I think that is how one spells it)

Zaphod

By Zaphod
in Non-Fishing Chat

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Zaphod Member

Zaphod

Posted
Posted

Know any corkers..?

I'll start.

 

 

On the chest of a barmaid from sale

Were tattooed the prices of ale

And on her behind

For the sake of the blind

Was the same infomation in braille.

 

 

Next..!!

 

[ 20. March 2003, 10:06 PM: Message edited by: Zaphod ]

Best Fishes

Zaph'

--------------

http://www.tenchfishers.net

 

Zaphods just 'zis guy, you know..!

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Jeff S Member

Jeff S

Posted
Posted

Here I sit all broken hearted,

Tried to S#1T but only farted,

Then one day I took a chance,

Tried to fart but S#1T my pants.

 

and then,

 

Those that write on S#1T house walls,

Roll their S#1T into little balls,

Those who read those words of wit,

Eat those little balls of S#1T.

 

For a good time call.... :D

Jeff

 

Piscator non solum piscatur.

 

Yellow Prowler13

2274389822_1033c38a0e_s.jpg

Ask me at 75...

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MrWiggly Member

MrWiggly

Posted
Posted

There was a young girl from West Aughton

Who had one long t*t, and a short un

And the hair on her knees

Used to wave in the breeze

From an Arseh*le that fired like a Norton ....

The Older I get .. The better I was.

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chesters1 Member

chesters1

Posted
Posted

mary had a little lamb

she also had a bear

i`ve often seen her little lamb

but i`ve never seen her bear (sounds better than written)

 

mary had a little lamb

its fleece as black as charcoal

whenever it jumped the garden fence

sparks shot out its a*se*ole

Believe NOTHING anyones says or writes unless you witness it yourself and even then your eyes can deceive you

None of this "the enemy of my enemy is my friend" crap it just means i have at least two enemies!

 

There is only one opinion i listen to ,its mine and its ALWAYS right even when its wrong

 

Its far easier to curse the darkness than light one candle

 

Mathew 4:19

Grangers law : anything i say will  turn out the opposite or not happen at all!

Life insurance? you wont enjoy a penny!

"To compel a man to furnish contributions of money for the propagation of opinions which he disbelieves and abhors, is sinful and tyrannical." Thomas Jefferson

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Newt Member

Newt

Posted
Posted

Mary had a little lamb.

 

And her husband fainted dead away.

" My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference!" - Harry Truman, 33rd US President

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Chris Goddard Member

Chris Goddard

Posted
Posted

Just to spoil your fun guy's (FUNGIS??) and girls but any limerick is traditionally 5 lines long and the 1st, 2nd and 5th lines should rhyme. As should the 3rd and 4th lines!!

 

Chris

 

[ 21. March 2003, 11:13 PM: Message edited by: Chris Goddard ]

Chris Goddard


It is to be observed that 'angling' is the name given to fishing by people who can't fish.

If GOD had NOT meant us to go fishing, WHY did he give us arms then??

(If you can't help out someone in need then don't bother my old Dad always said! My grandma put it a LITTLE more, well different! It's like peeing yourself in a black pair of pants she said! It gives you a LOVELY warm feeling but no-one really notices!))

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John S Member

John S

Posted
Posted

There was a young woman called Sally,

who stripped at the working men's palais.

She got such an applause,

when she took off her drawers,

'cause the hairs on her head didn't tally!

John S

Quanti Canicula Ille In Fenestra

 

Species caught in 2017 Common Ash, Hawthorn, Hazel, Scots Pine, White Willow.

Species caught in 2016: Alder, Blackthorn, Common Ash, Crab Apple, Left Earlobe, Pedunculate Oak, Rock Whitebeam, Scots Pine, Smooth-leaved Elm, Swan, Wayfaring tree.

Species caught in 2015: Ash, Bird Cherry, Black-Headed Gull, Common Hazel, Common Whitebeam, Elder, Field Maple, Gorse, Puma, Sessile Oak, White Willow.

Species caught in 2014: Big Angry Man's Ear, Blackthorn, Common Ash, Common Whitebeam, Downy Birch, European Beech, European Holly, Hawthorn, Hazel, Scots Pine, Wych Elm.
Species caught in 2013: Beech, Elder, Hawthorn, Oak, Right Earlobe, Scots Pine.

Species caught in 2012: Ash, Aspen, Beech, Big Nasty Stinging Nettle, Birch, Copper Beech, Grey Willow, Holly, Hazel, Oak, Wasp Nest (that was a really bad day), White Poplar.
Species caught in 2011: Blackthorn, Crab Apple, Elder, Fir, Hawthorn, Horse Chestnut, Oak, Passing Dog, Rowan, Sycamore, Willow.
Species caught in 2010: Ash, Beech, Birch, Elder, Elm, Gorse, Mullberry, Oak, Poplar, Rowan, Sloe, Willow, Yew.

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Newt Member

Newt

Posted
Posted

OK - so another "not a limerick"

 

Jack and Jill went up the hill,

Each one had a quarter,

Jill came down with fifty cents,

You think they went up for water?

" My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference!" - Harry Truman, 33rd US President

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Guest sslatter

Guest sslatter

Posted
Posted

There was a young lady from Bude,

For a living, would dance in the nude..

One night whilst out front,

Some chap shouted: "<insert appropriate word>"!

Just like that! Right out loud! BLOODY RUDE!

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chesters1 Member

chesters1

Posted
Posted

there was a lady from frod

who wanted a baby from god

it wasnt the almighty

who lifted her nighty

it was the vicar the dirty old sod

Believe NOTHING anyones says or writes unless you witness it yourself and even then your eyes can deceive you

None of this "the enemy of my enemy is my friend" crap it just means i have at least two enemies!

 

There is only one opinion i listen to ,its mine and its ALWAYS right even when its wrong

 

Its far easier to curse the darkness than light one candle

 

Mathew 4:19

Grangers law : anything i say will  turn out the opposite or not happen at all!

Life insurance? you wont enjoy a penny!

"To compel a man to furnish contributions of money for the propagation of opinions which he disbelieves and abhors, is sinful and tyrannical." Thomas Jefferson

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