Jump to content

HAVE A LAUGH


Bobj

Recommended Posts

cobwebs ,ive seen a few funnel web spiders.

The salary of the chief executive of a large corporation is not a market award for achievement. It is frequently in the nature of a warm personal gesture by the individual to himself.

John Kenneth Galbraith

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

LOVE

................

 

Husband: Love...

Wife: Leave me alone!

Husband: It won't take long.

Wife: I won't be able to sleep afterwards.

Husband: I can't sleep now.

Wife: Why do you think of things like this in the middle of the night?

Husband: Because I'm hot.

Wife: You get hot at the darnedest times.

Husband: If you love me I wouldn't have to beg you.

Wife: If you love me you'd be more considerate.

Husband: You don't love me anymore.

Wife: Yes I do, but let's forget it for tonight.

Husband: Please...come on

Wife: Alright.

Husband: What's the matter? Need a flashlight?

Wife: I can't find it.

Husband: For heaven's sake, feel your way.

Wife: There! Do you feel better?

Husband: Oh, yes.

Wife: Is it up far enough?

Husband: Yes, that's good.

Wife: Now go to sleep, and from now on when you want the window open,

do it yourself!!!!!

ocker-anim.gifROO.gif

 

 

Cheers, Bobj.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Mission to Mars

 

(Space Shuttle with two trained monkeys and a blonde astronaut)

 

The Mission Control Room in the US calls the Space Shuttle.

 

"Monkey 1, Monkey 1, report to communications for instructions." The trained monkey sits down and he is told to release the pressure in compartment 1, increase the temperature in engine 4 and to release oxygen to the reactors. So the monkey does the pressure, temperature, and releases the oxygen.

 

A few moments’ later headquarters calls again: "Monkey 2, Monkey 2, report to communications for instructions."

 

Monkey 2 sits down and he is told to add Carbon Dioxide to room 4, to stop the fuel injection to engine 3, to add nitrogen to the fuel compartment and to analyse the solar radiation.

 

Monkey 2 does the carbon dioxide, the fuel injection, the nitrogen and the analysis of solar radiation.

 

A little later on, headquarters calls again:

 

"Female Astronaut please report to communications for instructions."

 

The blonde sits down and just as she is about to be told what to do she says-

 

"I know, I know!! Feed the monkeys, and don't touch a damn thing."

ocker-anim.gifROO.gif

 

 

Cheers, Bobj.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

LOL!!

 

Another new illness to watch out for!

 

 

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well!

 

'What's the matter?' he asks.

 

'I have a case of anal glaucoma,' she says in a weak voice.

 

'What the hell is anal glaucoma?'

 

'I just can't see my ass coming into work today.

Chris Goddard


It is to be observed that 'angling' is the name given to fishing by people who can't fish.

If GOD had NOT meant us to go fishing, WHY did he give us arms then??


(If you can't help out someone in need then don't bother my old Dad always said! My grandma put it a LITTLE more, well different! It's like peeing yourself in a black pair of pants she said! It gives you a LOVELY warm feeling but no-one really notices!))

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Two businessmen were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.

 

One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some idiot is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling.'

 

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious old senior walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft accent asked 'What are you sellin' here?'

 

One of the men replied sarcastically, 'We're selling arse-holes.'

 

Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, 'You're doing well. Only two left.'

 

Seniors - God bless em - don't mess with them.

" My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference!" - Harry Truman, 33rd US President

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Two businessmen were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.

 

One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some idiot is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling.'

 

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious old senior walked to the window,had a peek, and in a soft accent asked 'What are you sellin' here?'

 

One of the men replied sarcastically, 'We're selling arse-holes.'

 

Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, 'You're doing well. Only two left.'

 

Seniors - God bless em - don't mess with them.

" My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference!" - Harry Truman, 33rd US President

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

We and our partners use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences, repeat visits and to show you personalised advertisements. By clicking “I Agree”, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. However, you may visit Cookie Settings to provide a controlled consent.