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HAVE A LAUGH


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I expect Hembo can recycle this one somewhere. ;)

 

 

 

Two vampires wanted to go out to eat . . .

. . .but were having a little trouble deciding where to go. They were a little tired of the local food in Transylvania and wanted something a little more exotic. After some discussion, they decided to go to Italy because they had heard that Italian food was really good.

 

So off they went to Italy and ended up in Venice. On a bridge over one of the canals, they hid in the shadows and waited for dinner. A few minutes later they noticed a young couple walking their way. As they neared, the vampires made their move. Each vampire grabbed a person, sucked them dry and tossed the remaining bodies into the canal below. The vampires were extremely pleased with their meal and decided to have seconds. Another young couple approached a few minutes later and suffered the same fate as the first - sucked dry and tossed into the canal below.

 

Our vampires are now fairly full but decide to get dessert. In a short while a third young couple provides just that. As with the first two couples, these people were also sucked dry and tossed over the rail into the canal.

 

The vampires had had a marvellous dinner but it was time to head back home. As they started to walk away they began to hear singing. They were puzzled because no one else was on the bridge. As they listened, they realized that it was coming from the canal. They looked over the rail and saw a huge alligator in the water under the bridge, feasting on the bodies.

 

They listened as the alligator sang:

 

You don't know what the alligator sang, do you?

 

Are you ready?

 

Are you sure?

 

Here it comes....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Drained wops keep falling on my head..."

 

Classic ayjay :bigemo_harabe_net-163::bigemo_harabe_net-163::bigemo_harabe_net-163:

my mind not only wanders-- sometimes it leaves completely.

 

 

Updated 7/3/09

http://sites.google.com/site/pomfred/

 

 

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A little boy blows up a balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it ashe's liable to break something, but the boy continues.

 

"Johnny!" Mum screams, "knock it off, you're going to break

something. He stops and eventually Mum leaves for a short trip to the

shopping centre.

 

Johnny starts up with the balloon again after his mom has leftfor the store. He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toiletwhere he leaves it.

 

Mum comes in and while putting away the grocery, gets the urge. A diarrhoea run. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH,out it comes.

 

When she's finished, she looks down and can't believe what she's seeing. She's not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet! Shecalls her doctor. The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation,but he assures her he'll be over shortly to examine everything.

 

When he arrives, she leads him to the bathroom and he gets downon his knees and takes a long, hard look at the thing. Finally, he takesout his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be and POP! Theballoon explodes and #### is everywhere. On him, the walls, etc.

 

"Doctor! Doctor! Are you all right??" she asks.

 

He says, "I've been in this business for over 30 years, and this

is the first time I've ever actually seen a fart!

my mind not only wanders-- sometimes it leaves completely.

 

 

Updated 7/3/09

http://sites.google.com/site/pomfred/

 

 

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A tger, a bear and a wild boar are discussing the levels of fear they can generate.

The lion avers that when he walks across the savannah and roars, he scares everything in sight.

The bear said the same happens when he roams through through the woods.

 

The boar said 'everytime I sneeze, the world s**ts itself!

This is a signature, there are many signatures like it but this one is mine

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Ominous Coincidence..

 

Don't know if this is just a sick coincidence but....

 

2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia

 

2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing

 

2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of people around the globe.

 

Has anyone else noticed this???!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

It gets worse........

 

next year......

 

 

 

2010 - Chinese year of the Cock - what could possibly go wrong?

 

 

Just hope it's not going to be " flaccid 'flu"

ocker-anim.gifROO.gif

 

 

Cheers, Bobj.

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  • 2 weeks later...

"Well," snarled the tough old sergeant to the bewildered private.

"I suppose after you get discharged from the Army, you'll just be

waiting for me to die so you can come and spit on my grave."

 

"Not me, Sarge!" the private replied.

"Once I get out of the Army, I'm never going to stand in line again!"

my mind not only wanders-- sometimes it leaves completely.

 

 

Updated 7/3/09

http://sites.google.com/site/pomfred/

 

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."

 

So he tied her up and went fishing.

Be good and you will be lonely.
~ Mark Twain

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Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff legged and walking slowly.

 

 

One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."

 

 

The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart just as we learned in class."

 

 

Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him:

"We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"

 

 

The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you must tell me what you two fine medical students think."

 

 

The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome."

 

 

The old man said, "You thought...

But you were wrong."

 

 

The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."

 

 

The old man said, "You thought...

But you were wrong."

 

 

So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"

 

 

The old man said, "I thought it was a fart,...

But I was wrong!"

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  • 2 weeks later...

The VOODOO PENIS

 

A Florida businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip, so he thought he'd buy his wife something to keep her occupied. He went to a sex shop and explained his situation. The man there said, 'Well, I don't know that I have anything that will keep her occupied for so many weeks, except...the Voodoo Penis!'

 

The husband said 'The what'?

The man repeated 'The Voodoo Penis' and pulled out what seemed to be an ordinary dildo.

The husband laughed, and said, 'It looks like a dildo!'

 

The man then pointed to the door and said, 'Voodoo Penis, door!'

The penis rose ou t of its box, darted over to the door and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with vibrations, so much that a crack began to form down the middle. Then the man said 'Voodoo Penis, return to box!' and the penis stopped and returned to the box.

 

The husband bought it. He took it home to his wife. After the husband had been gone a few days, the wife remembered the Voodoo Penis.

She undressed, opened the box and said 'Voodoo Penis, my crotch.' The penis shot to her crotch. It was absolutely incredible. After three mind shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck. Her husband had neglected to tell her how to turn it off. So she put her clothes on, got in her car and started for the hospital.

On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road .. A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.

Gasping and twitching, the woman said 'I haven't had anything to drink officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me...'

 

The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and replied, 'Yeah right..Voodoo Penis, my ass...!

 

The rest, as they say, is history....

my mind not only wanders-- sometimes it leaves completely.

 

 

Updated 7/3/09

http://sites.google.com/site/pomfred/

 

 

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Can I laugh at that ?

 

Den

"When through the woods and forest glades I wanderAnd hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees;When I look down from lofty mountain grandeur,And hear the brook, and feel the breeze;and see the waves crash on the shore,Then sings my soul..................

for all you Spodders. https://youtu.be/XYxsY-FbSic

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