HAVE A LAUGH

[Clifftop]

A traveling salesman couldn't find a hotel one night.
He saw a light on a deserted road, and decided to knock on the door. It turned out to be a monastery; the monks were preparing dinner.
He was invited to join the others while the food was being prepared. They sat round in a circle; each monk would recite a number and the others would laugh. Intrigued, the salesman spoke up.
“What are you guys doing?”
One of the elder monks replied, “We're telling jokes.”
“By saying numbers?”
“Yes. You see, we've heard the jokes so many times, we have them catalogued. We don’t need to tell the whole joke; we just refer to its number. Go ahead and try.”
The salesman thought for a second, and said, “78.”
The monks were in hysterics. Some were doubled over with laughter, others had tears rolling down their eyes, a few were pounding the table with their fists.
When the laughter died down, the traveler asked, “Can you tell me what’s so funny?”
“We never heard that one before!”

[Phone]

Clifftop,

 

Groan

 

Phone

[Clifftop]

Phone

 

I've heard that before

 

clifftop

 

Phone, on 10 Feb 2018 - 02:01, said:

Clifftop,

 

Groan

 

Phone

[wotnobivvy]

Have you heard the adult version, number 69

[Phone]

wotnob

 

I'm having a mod look into your trash talk. 69 indeed !! First time I've ever reported someone.

 

Phone

[chesters1]

Yes 96 is far more interesting but you need a toothbrush if bearded

[Phone]

All,

 

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. –
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage,
I notice mail on the porch table that
I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table,
put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,
and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills
back
on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think,
since I’m going to be near the mailbox
when I take out the garbage anyway,
I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table,
and see that there is only one check left.
My extra checks are in my desk in the study,
so I go inside the house to my desk where
I find the
can of Pepsi I’d been drinking.

I’m going to look for my checks,
but first I need to push the Pepsi aside
so that I don’t accidentally knock it over.

The Pepsi is getting warm,
and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi,
a vase of flowers on the counter
catches my eye–they need water.

I put the Pepsi on the counter and
discover my reading glasses that
I’ve been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk,
but first I’m going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter,
fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.
Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,
I’ll be looking for the remote,
but I won’t remember that it’s on the kitchen table,
so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,
but first I’ll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers,
but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back on the table,
get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to
remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
the car isn’t washed
the bills aren’t paid
there is a warm can of
Pepsi sitting on the counter
the flowers don’t have enough water,
there is still only 1 check in my check book,
I can’t find the remote,
I can’t find my glasses,
and I don’t remember what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,
I’m really baffled because I know I was busy all the damn day,
and I’m really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem,
and I’ll try to get some help for it,
but first I’ll check my e-mail….

Do me a favor.
Forward this message to everyone you know,
because I don’t remember who the hell I’ve sent it to.

Don’t laugh — if this isn’t you yet, your day is coming!!

Phone

[chesters1]

Had that for years ,for entertainment seeing why i have taken so long to do a job we watch me on the cctv ,i am very easily distracted lol

There is a law where the easier you pronounce a job to be the longer it takes to do the jobs that crop up doing it

[ayjay]

I went to the sperm bank and the nurse said ."Do you think you could masturbate in the cup?"

 

I said, "I'm good, but I'm not sure I'm ready for a tournament yet"

[barry luxton]

ken dodd joke, honest.

 

 

bloke who invented cats eyes.

 

If the cat was going the other way he would have invented a pencil sharpener.