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Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values.

 

Stu said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'

 

Leroy replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'

 

 

 

---------------------------------------------------------

 

 

 

A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?'

 

The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'

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Cheers, Bobj.

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I ordered a Chinese meal last night. Chinese driver came to our door and I walked out to meet him. He started shouting "isolate" "isolate" I said you’re not that late, I only ordered 25 minutes ago!

Alex Salmond's colleagues decided it would be a worthy gesture to name a railway locomotive after him. So an official went to the National Railway Museum at York, to investigate the possibilities. "T

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A Day At The Races

 

A bloke was having a few drinks by himself at a London casino when he

Met up with a striking but quite short and slim young woman. They got on famously and ended up in bed.

 

The next morning she told him she was a jockey and that if he came to

The races at Ascot that day, she'd tip him the winner of each race she

Was riding in by giving him a sign as she rode out of the saddling paddock.

 

In Race 2, she rode out rubbing both her boobs. The bloke looked through the

Race book and found 'Two Abreast' on which he placed $100 at 5-1. It won by two lengths.

 

In Race 4 she rode out rubbing her fingers round her eyes. He put the lot on

'Eyeliner' at 10-1 and was then $5000 in front.

 

In the last race she came out standing up in the stirrups and rubbing

Her growler. He backed nothing.

 

After the races, he met up with her and thanked her for the winners in

Races 2 and 4. 'What about 'Itchy Mickey' in the sixth?', she asked. 'It paid a fortune?'

 

'****', he said, 'I thought you were telling me the bloody thing was scratched!'

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Cheers, Bobj.

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Indian Mating Season

 

 

Two Indians and a Hillbilly were walking in the woods. All of a sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.

 

"Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" he called into the cave, and then he listened very closely until he heard an answering, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"

 

He tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

 

The Hillbilly was puzzled and asked the other Indian what that was all about. Was the other Indian crazy or what?

 

"No," said the Indian "It is our custom during mating season. When Indian men see cave, they call 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening. If they get an answer back, it means there is a girl in there waiting to mate."

 

Just then they saw another cave. The other indian ran up to the opening of the cave, stopped, and hollered, "Woooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" Immediately, there was an answering "Wooooo!Wooooo! Wooooo!" from deep inside the cave. He tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

 

The Hillbilly wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then he came upon a great big cave.

 

As he looked in, he was amazed at the size of the huge opening. He was thinking, "Oh, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found. There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!"

 

He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" He grinned and closed his eyes in anticipation, and then he heard the answering call, "WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO!" With a gleam in his eyes, and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave, tearing off his clothes as he ran.

 

The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read ....

 

~NAKED HILLBILLY RUN OVER BY TRAIN~

" My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference!" - Harry Truman, 33rd US President

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...Sex in the shower...

 

In a recent survey requested by president-elect Obama, Americans have proved to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower!

 

In the survey, carried out for him, by a leading toiletries firm, a huge majority, 86% of Americans, said that they have enjoyed sex in the shower.

 

 

 

 

 

The other 14% said they hadn't been to prison yet.

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Cheers, Bobj.

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Should the UK adopt The Euro?

 

 

 

A cross-section survey of 1000 people in the UK, made up of Afghans,

Albanians, Pakistanis, Indians, Poles, Iraqis, Somalis, Bosnians,

Turks, Moldovans, Latvians, Lithuanians, Bangladeshis, Ethiopians,

Russians, Congolese, Zimbabweans, Portuguese and Nigerians were asked

if they thought Britain should change its currency to Euro.

 

99.9% said no, they were happy with the Giro.

Chris Goddard


It is to be observed that 'angling' is the name given to fishing by people who can't fish.

If GOD had NOT meant us to go fishing, WHY did he give us arms then??


(If you can't help out someone in need then don't bother my old Dad always said! My grandma put it a LITTLE more, well different! It's like peeing yourself in a black pair of pants she said! It gives you a LOVELY warm feeling but no-one really notices!))

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Should the UK adopt The Euro?

 

 

 

A cross-section survey of 1000 people in the UK, made up of Afghans,

Albanians, Pakistanis, Indians, Poles, Iraqis, Somalis, Bosnians,

Turks, Moldovans, Latvians, Lithuanians, Bangladeshis, Ethiopians,

Russians, Congolese, Zimbabweans, Portuguese and Nigerians were asked

if they thought Britain should change its currency to Euro.

 

99.9% said no, they were happy with the Giro.

 

 

Sorry, but I did find that VERY funny :) :)

 

Den

"When through the woods and forest glades I wanderAnd hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees;When I look down from lofty mountain grandeur,And hear the brook, and feel the breeze;and see the waves crash on the shore,Then sings my soul..................

for all you Spodders. https://youtu.be/XYxsY-FbSic

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A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students.

 

'Human beings are the only animals that stutter,' she says.

 

A little girl raises her hand. 'I had a cat who stuttered'.

 

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become,

asked the girl to describe the incident.

 

'Well', she began, 'I was in the back yard with my cat when the

Rottweiler that lives next door jumped over the fence and into our yard'.

 

'That must've been scary,' said the teacher.

 

'It was', said the little girl. 'My cat raised her back, went Sssss,

Sssss, Sssss' and before she could say 'Sh1t', the Rottweiler ate her.

ocker-anim.gifROO.gif

 

 

Cheers, Bobj.

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Last month a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:-

 

"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

 

The survey was a huge failure because of the following:

 

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.

 

In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

 

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

 

In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

 

In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.

 

In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.

 

In the US they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

 

 

And finally, in the UK they just hung up because they couldn't understand the Indian accent.

Chris Goddard


It is to be observed that 'angling' is the name given to fishing by people who can't fish.

If GOD had NOT meant us to go fishing, WHY did he give us arms then??


(If you can't help out someone in need then don't bother my old Dad always said! My grandma put it a LITTLE more, well different! It's like peeing yourself in a black pair of pants she said! It gives you a LOVELY warm feeling but no-one really notices!))

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Gordon the Chicken

 

Trevor the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets' and eight or ten roosters, to fertilize the pullets' eggs.

 

Trevor kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so Trevor could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.

 

The farmer's favorite rooster was Gordon, and a very fine specimen he was too, but on this particular morning Trevor noticed Gordon's bell hadn't rung at all!

 

Trevor went to investigate.

 

The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover but to farmer Trevor's amazement, Gordon had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.

 

He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

 

Trevor was so proud of Gordon, he entered him into the London Exhibition and Gordon became an overnight sensation among the judges.

 

 

The Result?

 

The judges not only awarded Gordon the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.

 

Clearly Gordon was a politician in the making: Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

 

Do you know a Politician called Gordon?

Chris Goddard


It is to be observed that 'angling' is the name given to fishing by people who can't fish.

If GOD had NOT meant us to go fishing, WHY did he give us arms then??


(If you can't help out someone in need then don't bother my old Dad always said! My grandma put it a LITTLE more, well different! It's like peeing yourself in a black pair of pants she said! It gives you a LOVELY warm feeling but no-one really notices!))

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Dark haired girl from essex went to the doctors to complain that every time she touched her body anywhere she would be in pain. The doctor had a look at her puzzled and said would you please show me where about the pain is. Sure enough, she touched herself in various places and whinced every time while doing so. The doctor said to her 'ahh yes you are natrually a very light haired person'. Yes thats correct doc, 'and your fingers broke'.

Free to choose apart from the ones where the trust poked their nose in. Common eel. tope. Bass and sea bream. All restricted.


New for 2016 TAT are the main instigators for the demise of the u k bass charter boat industry, where they went screaming off to parliament and for the first time assisting so called angling gurus set up bass take bans with the e u using rubbish exaggerated info collected by ices from anglers, they must be very proud.

Upgrade, the door has been closed with regards to anglers being linked to the e u superstate and the failed c f p. So TAT will no longer need to pay monies to the EAA anymore as that org is no longer relevant to the u k . Goodbye to the europeon anglers alliance and pathetic restrictions from the e u.

Angling is better than politics, ban politics from angling.

Consumer of bass. where is the evidence that the u k bass stock need angling trust protection. Why won't you work with your peers instead of castigating them. They have the answer.

Recipie's for mullet stew more than welcomed.

Angling sanitation trust and kent and sussex sea anglers org delete's and blocks rsa's alternative opinion on their face book site. Although they claim to rep all.

new for 2014. where is the evidence that the south coast bream stock need the angling trust? Your campaign has no evidence. Why won't you work with your peers, the inshore under tens? As opposed to alienating them? Angling trust failed big time re bait digging, even fish legal attempted to intervene and failed, all for what, nothing.

Looks like the sea angling reps have been coerced by the ifca's to compose sea angling strategy's that the ifca's at some stage will look at drafting into legislation to manage the rsa, because they like wasting tax payers money. That's without asking the rsa btw. You know who you are..

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