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The Harley Guy

 

A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Washington , DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

 

The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.

 

A reporter has watched the whole event.

 

The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.'

 

The Harley rider replies, 'Why, it was nothing really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.'

 

The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page. So, what do you do for a living and what's your political affiliation '

 

The biker replies, 'I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican.'

 

The reporter jots down the information.

 

The next morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:

 

" U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH "

 

That pretty much sums up the ABC,NBC,CBS & MSNBC media's approach to the news these days.

" My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference!" - Harry Truman, 33rd US President

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PSMSL!!! Excellent newt!

Chris Goddard


It is to be observed that 'angling' is the name given to fishing by people who can't fish.

If GOD had NOT meant us to go fishing, WHY did he give us arms then??


(If you can't help out someone in need then don't bother my old Dad always said! My grandma put it a LITTLE more, well different! It's like peeing yourself in a black pair of pants she said! It gives you a LOVELY warm feeling but no-one really notices!))

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Guest Brumagem Phil

A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward ! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.

By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward. Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.

 

By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward. Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music. "Don't you get it?" the caretaker says incredulously.

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"He's decomposing!"

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The Preacher says,

 

"Anyone with needs to be prayed for, come forward to the front, at the altar!"

 

Leroy gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher asks: "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you."

 

Leroy replies: "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."

 

The preacher puts one finger in Leroy's ear, and he places the other hand on top of Leroy's head and prays and prays and prays for Leroy.

After a few minutes, the Preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks,"Leroy, how is your hearing now?"

 

Leroy says,

 

 

 

"I don't know, Reverend, it ain't until next Wednesday."

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On a recent trip to the United States Gordon Brown addressed a major gathering of Red Indians.

He spoke for almost an hour on his plans for economic recovery

 

At the conclusion of his speech, the crowd presented him with a plaque

inscribed with his new Indian name - Walking Eagle.

 

The proud Gordon then sang them the Red flag and departed in his motorcade, waving to the crowds.

 

A news reporter later asked one of the Indians how they came to select the

new name given to Gordon Brown

 

They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of sh1t that it can no longer fly.

 

*****************************************************************************

 

Two ducks check into a hotel for a dirty weekend.

 

They get up to their room, only to discover they've no condoms. "No problem," quacks the male, "I'll just call down to room service and get them to bring one up."

 

A few minutes later, room service is knocking at the door. The male duck waddles over, takes the condom and tips the lad.

 

"Sir," asks the man, before leaving, "should I put that on your bill?"

 

"Christ no!" quacks the duck, startled, "what do you think I am, some kind of pervert?!"

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Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family.

 

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside. "Guido, I wanna you lissina me. I wanna you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."

 

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"

 

"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe acoupla bambinos."

 

"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man...Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'Time's Up'?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

Brings to mind the guy who lived next to two beautiful young women who were in a same-sex relationship with each other.

 

He was a bit disappointed when they gave him a Rolex for his birthday.

As he explained, "When they asked me what I wanted for my birthday, this isn't what I meant when I said I wanna watch"

 

 

 

Cheers Fred

__________________

my mind not only wanders-- sometimes it leaves completely.

 

 

Updated 7/3/09

http://sites.google.com/site/pomfred/

 

 

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Jennifer & Peter are swimming in the river. Peter comes swimming full tilt across the river & stops in front of Jennifer & says,

" I'm going to duck you."

"Oh, yeah, You can't even say it right".

 

Cheers Fred

my mind not only wanders-- sometimes it leaves completely.

 

 

Updated 7/3/09

http://sites.google.com/site/pomfred/

 

 

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:bigemo_harabe_net-163::bigemo_harabe_net-163: snigger :D

Free to choose apart from the ones where the trust poked their nose in. Common eel. tope. Bass and sea bream. All restricted.


New for 2016 TAT are the main instigators for the demise of the u k bass charter boat industry, where they went screaming off to parliament and for the first time assisting so called angling gurus set up bass take bans with the e u using rubbish exaggerated info collected by ices from anglers, they must be very proud.

Upgrade, the door has been closed with regards to anglers being linked to the e u superstate and the failed c f p. So TAT will no longer need to pay monies to the EAA anymore as that org is no longer relevant to the u k . Goodbye to the europeon anglers alliance and pathetic restrictions from the e u.

Angling is better than politics, ban politics from angling.

Consumer of bass. where is the evidence that the u k bass stock need angling trust protection. Why won't you work with your peers instead of castigating them. They have the answer.

Recipie's for mullet stew more than welcomed.

Angling sanitation trust and kent and sussex sea anglers org delete's and blocks rsa's alternative opinion on their face book site. Although they claim to rep all.

new for 2014. where is the evidence that the south coast bream stock need the angling trust? Your campaign has no evidence. Why won't you work with your peers, the inshore under tens? As opposed to alienating them? Angling trust failed big time re bait digging, even fish legal attempted to intervene and failed, all for what, nothing.

Looks like the sea angling reps have been coerced by the ifca's to compose sea angling strategy's that the ifca's at some stage will look at drafting into legislation to manage the rsa, because they like wasting tax payers money. That's without asking the rsa btw. You know who you are..

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A lonely frog telephones a psychic hotline and asks what his future holds.

 

"You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you," replies the personal psychic adviser.

 

"Great," croaks the frog,thrilled to bits, "will I meet her at a party?"

 

"No," replies the psychic, "in a Biology class, tomorrow."

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Wonderful English from Around the World

 

In a Bangkok temple:

IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

 

Cocktail lounge, Norway:

LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

 

Doctors office, Rome:

SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

 

Dry cleaners, Bangkok:

DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.

 

In a Nairobi restaurant:

CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

 

On the main road to Mombassa, leaving Nairobi:

TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

 

On a poster at Kencom:

ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.

 

In a City restaurant:

OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.

 

In a cemetery:

PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.

 

Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:

GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

 

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:

OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

 

In a Tokyo bar:

SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

 

Hotel, Yugoslavia:

THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

 

Hotel, Japan:

YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

 

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:

YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.

 

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:

IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

 

Hotel, Zurich:

BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

 

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:

WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

 

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:

WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

 

A laundry in Rome:

LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

ocker-anim.gifROO.gif

 

 

Cheers, Bobj.

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