HAVE A LAUGH

[Bobj]

General Cosgrove (Australian Military General)was interviewed on the radio the other day and you'll love his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children.

Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this!!!!

 

This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of an ABC interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to conduct a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military headquarters.

 

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

 

GENERAL COSGROVE: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.

 

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

 

GENERAL COSGROVE: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

 

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

 

GENERAL COSGROVE: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

 

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

 

GENERAL COSGROVE: Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a pr0stitute, but you're not one, are you?

 

The radio went silent and the interview ended!

[Bobj]

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

> >

> >

> >

> > (written by kids)

> >

> > You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like

> > sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the

> > chips and dip coming.

> > -- Alan , age 10

> >

> > No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to

marry.

> > God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're

stuck with.

> > -- Kristen , age 10

 

> > WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

> > Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by

> > then.

> > -- Camille , age 10

 

> > HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

> > You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at

the same kids.

> > -- Derrick , age 8

 

> > WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

> > Both don't want any more kids.

> > -- Lori , age 8

 

> > WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

> > Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know

each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.

> > -- Lynnette , age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

> >

> > On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually

gets them interested enough to go for a second date.

> > -- Martin , age 10

 

> > WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

> > I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the

newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.

> > -- Craig , age 9

 

> > WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

> > When they're rich.

> > -- Pam , age 7

 

> > The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with

> that.

> > - - Curt , age 7

 

> > The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry

them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.

> > -- Howard , age 8

 

> > IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

> > It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone

> > to clean up after them.

> > -- Anita , age 9 (bless you child)

 

> > HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

> > There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?

> > -- Kelvin, age 8

 

> > And the #1 Favorite is........

> > HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

> > Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.

> > -- Ricky , age 10

[Zigs]

"> > And the #1 Favorite is........

> > HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

> > Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.

> > -- Ricky , age 10 "

 

ROFLMAO

 

Now i know what to say to Mrs Becky when she comes in

[Bobj]

Very racist and very sexual.....So:-

Albert was an aborigine and went to London for a holiday.

He was getting a bit randy and went to the red light disrtict to see what was what.

He called in to a brothel and asked if any girls would like to try the aboriginal way for 50 quid.

No one answered so he raised the price to 100 quid.

Still no one answered so Albert asked if anyone was interested in the aboriginal way for 300 quid and one gorgeous

young girl said that she would try it with him for 500 quid. Off they went to her room and had unbridled sex for over 4 hours.

Afterwards, the girl said "what is this aboriginal way you mentioned? "

"Ah", he said " you gotta get the money off de govmint, lady".

[zinghaha]

You do realize that I spent over an hour reading all those posts. Too funny! I can only imagine how much fun you must have at parties. I will read several of them again when I am not laughing so much.

[Bobj]

You do realize that I spent over an hour reading all those posts. Too funny! I can only imagine how much fun you must have at parties. I will read several of them again when I am not laughing so much.

 

G'day mate. I'm pleased that you liked the offerings. Thanks for that.

[Mat Hillman]

Well reading that thread has brightened up my day, guess I'd better start work now!

 

Mat

[Bobj]

My Girlfriends

 

 

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.

 

When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

 

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

 

When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

 

So when I was 28 I found an exciting girl but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

 

When I turned 31 I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

 

I am now older and wiser, and am looking for a girl with big hooters :lol:

[barry luxton]

My Girlfriends

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.

 

When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

 

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

 

When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

 

So when I was 28 I found an exciting girl but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

 

When I turned 31 I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

 

I am now older and wiser, and am looking for a girl with big hooters :lol:

 

Nice few posts, more please

[Bobj]

Nice few posts, more please

 

Just for you, Bazza.

 

>>Sometimes it DOES take a Rocket Scientist!! (true story)

>>

>>Scientists at Roll Royce built a gun specifically to launch dead

>>chickens at the windshields of airliners and military jets, all

>>traveling at maximum velocity. The idea was to simulate the

>>frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the

>>strength of

>>the windshields.

>>

>>American engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on

>>the windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangements were

>>made

>>and a gun was sent to the American engineers.

>>

>>When the gun was fired, the engineers watched in shock as the

>>chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof

>>shield,

>>smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console,

>>snapped the

>>engineer's back-rest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of

>>the cabin.

>>

>>The horrified engineers sent Rolls Royce the film of the disastrous

>>results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield

>>and begged the British scientists for suggestions.

....

 

>>Rolls Royce responded with a one-line memo:

>>"Defrost the chicken."

 

 

Just because someone does not love you the way you want them to,

> doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Jim and Edna were

> both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking

> past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep

> end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly

> jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

>

> When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she

> immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now

> considered her mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news

> she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you

> are being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a

> crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another that you have a

> sound mind.

 

 

> The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the

> bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so

> sorry, but he's dead."

>

> Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How

> soon can I go home?"

Edited April 21, 2007 by Bobj