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HAVE A LAUGH


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This elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up. Everything checked out fine.

The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, "Doctor, I haven't had sex for years now and I was wondering how I can increase my husband's sex drive."

 

The doctor smiled and said, "Have you tried to give him Viagra?"

 

The lady frowned. "Doctor, I can't even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache," she claimed.

 

"Well," the doctor continued, "Let me suggest something. Crush the Viagra into a powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it into the coffee and serve it. He won't notice a thing."

 

The old lady was delighted. She left the doctor's office quickly.

 

Weeks later the old lady returned. She was frowning and the doctor asked her what was wrong. She shook her head.

 

"How did it go?" the doctor asked.

 

"Terrible, doctor, terrible."

 

"Did it not work?"

 

"Yes," the old lady said, "It worked. I did as you said and he got up and ripped his clothes off right then and there and we made mad love on the table. It was the best sex that I'd had in 25 years."

 

"Then what is the problem, ma'am?"

 

"Well," she said................ "I can't ever show my face in McDonald's again."

Making the most of it

 

Chi dorme non piglia pesci

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Just for you, Bazza.

 

>>Sometimes it DOES take a Rocket Scientist!! (true story)

>>

>>Scientists at Roll Royce built a gun specifically to launch dead

>>chickens at the windshields of airliners and military jets, all

>>traveling at maximum velocity. The idea was to simulate the

>>frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the

>>strength of

>>the windshields.

>>

>>American engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on

>>the windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangements were

>>made

>>and a gun was sent to the American engineers.

>>

>>When the gun was fired, the engineers watched in shock as the

>>chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof

>>shield,

>>smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console,

>>snapped the

>>engineer's back-rest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of

>>the cabin.

>>

>>The horrified engineers sent Rolls Royce the film of the disastrous

>>results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield

>>and begged the British scientists for suggestions.

....

 

>>Rolls Royce responded with a one-line memo:

>>"Defrost the chicken."

Just because someone does not love you the way you want them to,

> doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Jim and Edna were

> both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking

> past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep

> end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly

> jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

>

> When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she

> immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now

> considered her mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news

> she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you

> are being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a

> crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another that you have a

> sound mind.

> The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the

> bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so

> sorry, but he's dead."

>

> Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How

> soon can I go home?"

 

 

Many thanks for the above, i guessed the first one but it was still good the second one :bigemo_harabe_net-163::bigemo_harabe_net-163::bigemo_harabe_net-163:

well done Bobj

Free to choose apart from the ones where the trust poked their nose in. Common eel. tope. Bass and sea bream. All restricted.


New for 2016 TAT are the main instigators for the demise of the u k bass charter boat industry, where they went screaming off to parliament and for the first time assisting so called angling gurus set up bass take bans with the e u using rubbish exaggerated info collected by ices from anglers, they must be very proud.

Upgrade, the door has been closed with regards to anglers being linked to the e u superstate and the failed c f p. So TAT will no longer need to pay monies to the EAA anymore as that org is no longer relevant to the u k . Goodbye to the europeon anglers alliance and pathetic restrictions from the e u.

Angling is better than politics, ban politics from angling.

Consumer of bass. where is the evidence that the u k bass stock need angling trust protection. Why won't you work with your peers instead of castigating them. They have the answer.

Recipie's for mullet stew more than welcomed.

Angling sanitation trust and kent and sussex sea anglers org delete's and blocks rsa's alternative opinion on their face book site. Although they claim to rep all.

new for 2014. where is the evidence that the south coast bream stock need the angling trust? Your campaign has no evidence. Why won't you work with your peers, the inshore under tens? As opposed to alienating them? Angling trust failed big time re bait digging, even fish legal attempted to intervene and failed, all for what, nothing.

Looks like the sea angling reps have been coerced by the ifca's to compose sea angling strategy's that the ifca's at some stage will look at drafting into legislation to manage the rsa, because they like wasting tax payers money. That's without asking the rsa btw. You know who you are..

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The Tired Lawyer

 

An attorney got home late one evening, after a very taxing day trying

to get a stay of execution for a client, James Wright, who was due to

be hanged for murder at midnight. His last-minute plea for clemency to

the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he got through the door at home, his wife started on him

about, "What time of night do you call this? Where have you been?"

and on and on.

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went

and poured himself a shot of whisky and headed off for a long hot soak

in the bathtub pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was

told that her husband's client had been granted his stay of execution

after all.

Finally realizing what a day he must have had, she decided to go

upstairs to give him the good news.

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her

husband's rear end as he was bent over naked drying his legs and feet.

"They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said.

He whirled around and screamed,"FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, WOMAN,

DON'T YOU EVER STOP!"

ocker-anim.gifROO.gif

 

 

Cheers, Bobj.

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:) :) :)

 

Den

"When through the woods and forest glades I wanderAnd hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees;When I look down from lofty mountain grandeur,And hear the brook, and feel the breeze;and see the waves crash on the shore,Then sings my soul..................

for all you Spodders. https://youtu.be/XYxsY-FbSic

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A DAY AT THE AGRICULTURAL SHOW

 

 

A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of their first stops was the

breeding bull exhibit. They went up to the first pen and there was a

sign attached that said,

 

"This bull mated 52 times last year."

 

The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, "See...He

mated 52 times last year... once-a- week."

 

They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,

 

"This bull mated 120 times last year."

 

The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said,

 

"That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."

 

 

They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in

capital letters,

 

"This bull mated 365 times last year."

 

The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's ribs,

said,

 

"WOW! that's once-a-DAY. You could REALLY learn something from this

one."

 

The husband looked at her and said,

 

"Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow."

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

NOTE: The husband's condition has been upgraded from critical to stable

and the doctors say after months of rehab and a couple more operations

he will be ok.

ocker-anim.gifROO.gif

 

 

Cheers, Bobj.

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The sister

 

 

My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we

decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. Itwas

her beautiful younger sister.

 

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and

generally was bra less. One day "little" sister called and asked me to come

over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and

she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she

couldn't overcome.

 

She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got

married and committed my life to her sister.

 

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going

upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up

and get me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the

stairs.

 

When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the

stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline

straight to the front door.

 

I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

 

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

 

With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, we are

very happy that you have passed our little test.....we couldn't ask for a

better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

 

And the moral of this story is:

 

Page down...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Always keep your condoms in your car.......

5460c629-1c4a-480e-b4a4-8faa59fff7d.jpg

 

fishing is nature's medical prescription

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Two elderly friends, Bill and Sam, met

in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and

discuss world problems. One day Bill didn't show up. Sam didn't

think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.

But after Bill hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really got

worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at

the park, Sam didn't know where Bill lived, so he was unable to find

out what had happened to him.

 

A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Bill,

but one day, Sam approached the park and -- lo and behold! --there

sat Bill! Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him

so. Then he said, "For crying out loud Bill, what in the world

happened to you?"

 

Bill replied, "I have been in jail."

 

"Jail?" cried Sam. "What in the world for?"

 

"Well," Bill said, "you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress

at the coffee shop where we sometimes go?"

 

"Yeah," said Sam, "I remember her. What about her?"

 

"Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years

old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded guilty./"

 

 

The judge gave me 30 days for perjury."

ocker-anim.gifROO.gif

 

 

Cheers, Bobj.

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