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except for the food related ones all believable (is the joke people go to those food places at all?)

having just had a contractor "designer" and a bloke who looks for asbestos (didnt actually look for it at all ,theres some behind the shed though) i can believe anuthing.

the joke is our kitchen is tiny so whats in it is as best as its going to be fittings wise.

trouble is our 1950's fridge is not a "standard" size so will not have a place in this kitchen and she was adament our 3 freezers are in the way spoiling her design and no we cannot have all white its not available as a choice and the wall colour is wrong we must choose theirs .

to save arguing i said do what you want i will put it right when its done ,the rediculous thing is the new cupboard fitted at the correct space from the cooker stops the door opening to the larder ,we can remove that she said....... what holds the food off the floor then the shelves wont have a wall to fix to i asked she just shrugged ,its a bloody joke

she was moaning to the contractor our cooker was not a hob and interfered with her designs ,the biggest joke is we just realised the new cupboards on the walls handles will be out of reach to my mrs ,should i remove her as wwll or buy a new one

Edited by chesters1

Believe NOTHING anyones says or writes unless you witness it yourself and even then your eyes can deceive you

 

There is only one opinion i listen to ,its mine and its ALWAYS right even when its wrong

 

Its far easier to curse the darkness than light one candle

 

Mathew 4:19

Grangers law : anything i say will  turn out the opposite or not happen at all!

 

"To compel a man to furnish contributions of money for the propagation of opinions which he disbelieves and abhors, is sinful and tyrannical." Thomas Jefferson

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A woman went to her doctor complaining of pains in her nipples. After a thorough examination the doctor could find nothing wrong. The doctor asked if she was doing anything unusual with her breasts. The woman explained that her husband would put a nipple in each ear and he could hear music. The doctor was very skeptical but the woman was insistent. The doctor asked if he could try to hear the music.

The woman agreed. The doctor very carefully placed a nipple in each ear and said that he could not hear any music.

The woman replied, "Of course not, silly. You're not plugged in."


my mind not only wanders-- sometimes it leaves completely.

 

 

Updated 7/3/09

http://sites.google.com/site/pomfred/

 

 

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Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.

 

One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.

 

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress.

 

The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo.

 

The wedding was lovely.

 

After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom,

'I think I am going to have a little broom!'

 

'IMPOSSIBLE !' said the groom broom.

 

'WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!'

 

And the best man says :

"Sounds to me like she's been sweeping around"

 

"BROOM BROOM"


Free to choose apart from the ones where the trust poked their nose in. Common eel. tope. Bass and sea bream. All restricted.


New for 2016 TAT are the main instigators for the demise of the u k bass charter boat industry, where they went screaming off to parliament and for the first time assisting so called angling gurus set up bass take bans with the e u using rubbish exaggerated info collected by ices from anglers, they must be very proud.

Upgrade, the door has been closed with regards to anglers being linked to the e u superstate and the failed c f p. So TAT will no longer need to pay monies to the EAA anymore as that org is no longer relevant to the u k . Goodbye to the europeon anglers alliance and pathetic restrictions from the e u.

Angling is better than politics, ban politics from angling.

Consumer of bass. where is the evidence that the u k bass stock need angling trust protection. Why won't you work with your peers instead of castigating them. They have the answer.

Recipie's for mullet stew more than welcomed.

Angling sanitation trust and kent and sussex sea anglers org delete's and blocks rsa's alternative opinion on their face book site. Although they claim to rep all.

new for 2014. where is the evidence that the south coast bream stock need the angling trust? Your campaign has no evidence. Why won't you work with your peers, the inshore under tens? As opposed to alienating them? Angling trust failed big time re bait digging, even fish legal attempted to intervene and failed, all for what, nothing.

Looks like the sea angling reps have been coerced by the ifca's to compose sea angling strategy's that the ifca's at some stage will look at drafting into legislation to manage the rsa, because they like wasting tax payers money. That's without asking the rsa btw. You know who you are..

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Have you heard what's happening to the Euro?

...from now on, it's being printed on Greaseproof paper!

  • Like 2

my mind not only wanders-- sometimes it leaves completely.

 

 

Updated 7/3/09

http://sites.google.com/site/pomfred/

 

 

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BRAINS OF BRITAIN

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)
Jeremy Paxman:

What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?
Contestant:

Homosexuals.
Jeremy Paxman:

No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.

 

BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
Jamie Theakston:

Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant:

Geography isn't my strong point.
Jamie Theakston:

There's a clue in the title.
Contestant:

Leicester

 

BBC NORFOLK
Stewart White:

Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
Contestant:

I don't know.
Stewart White:

I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
Contestant:

Arm
Stewart White:

Correct. And if you're not weak, you're....?
Contestant:

Strong.
Stewart White:

Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
Contestant:

Louis
Stewart White:

Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?
Contestant:

Frank Sinatra?

LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS )
Alex Trelinski:

What is the capital of Italy ?
Contestant:

France.
Trelinski:

France is another country. Try again.
Contestant:

Oh, um, Benidorm.
Trelinski:

Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?
Contestant:

Sorry, I don't know.
Trelinski:

Just guess a country then.
Contestant:

Paris.


THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)
Anne Robinson:

Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: - Prison, or the Conservative Party?
Contestant:

The Conservative Party.

BEACON RADIO ( WOLVERHAMPTON )
DJ Mark:

For 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
Ruth from Rowley Regis:

I think I know that one.. Is it Jewish?


UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
Bamber Gascoyne:

What was Gandhi's first name?
Contestant:

Goosey?

GWR FM ( Bristol )
Presenter:

What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?
Contestant:

I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.


PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO? MANCHESTER)
Phil:

What's 11 squared?
Contestant:

I don't know.
Phil:

I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.
Contestant:

Is it five?

RICHARD AND JUDY
Richard:

Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?
Contestant:

Forrest Gump.


RICHARD AND JUDY
Richard:

On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
Contestant:

Er. ... .....
Richard:

He makes bread . . ...
Contestant:

Er .. ........
Richard:

He makes cakes . . ...
Contestant:

Kipling Street?

LINCS FM PHONE-IN
Presenter:

Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant:

Barcelona.
Presenter:

I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant:

I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain ...


NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)
Question:

What is the world's largest continent?
Contestant:

The Pacific.

ROCK FM ( PRESTO N )
Presenter:

Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci.
Contestant:

Who Framed Roger Rabbit?


THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)
Steve Le Fevre:

What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918?
Contestant:

Magna Carta?

JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)
James O'Brien:

How many kings of England have been called Henry?
Contestant:

Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... ER. ER ... Three?

CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL )
Chris Searle:

In which European country is Mount Etna ?
Caller:

Japan.
Chris Searle:

I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.
Caller:

Er ........ Mexico ?


PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE )
Paul Wappat:

How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (long pause):

Fourteen days.

DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)
Daryl Denham:

In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant:

Holland?
Daryl Denham:

Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant:

Iceland? Ireland ?
Daryl Denham: (helpfully)

It's a bad line. Did you say Israel ?
Contestant:

No.


PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)
Phil Wood:

What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant:

Er... .... .....
Phil Wood:

It's got two syllables . . .. Kor . ..
Contestant:

Blimey?
Phil Wood:

Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . ....
Contestant:

(Silence)
Phil Wood:

OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . .. ...
Contestant:

Walked?

THE VAULT
Melanie Sykes:

What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?
Contestant:

Nostalgia.


STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)
Wright:

Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loin cloth did he play?
Contestant:

Jesus.
  • Like 1

ocker-anim.gifROO.gif

 

 

Cheers, Bobj.

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When buying an old second-hand car always insist on getting one with
a heated rear window.
That way, in winter, you can warm your hands while you're pushing it.


my mind not only wanders-- sometimes it leaves completely.

 

 

Updated 7/3/09

http://sites.google.com/site/pomfred/

 

 

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Here is a true story

 

Daughter No 3 and her husband were watching Andy Murray play Roger Federer.

 

Murray two sets down and not doing well in the third, husband prefers cricket anyway, so they elected to watch the Test Match instead. MCC doing well.

 

Enter grand-daughter No 4. Recently finished university, awaiting results. Goes to her room to change and check her e-mail.

 

Presently a shriek from upstairs "TWO-ONE !!!"

 

What effect did that have on the proud parents downstairs ? It precipitated a frantic search for the remote to change back to Wimbledon


 

 

RNLI Governor

 

World species 471 : UK species 105 : English species 95 .

Certhia's world species - 215

Eclectic "husband and wife combined" world species 501

 

"Nothing matters very much, few things matter at all" - Plato

...only things like fresh bait and cold beer...

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This is why senior citizens still need newspapers:

 

I was visiting my daughter last night, and I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

 

"This is the 21st century" she said. "We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad."

 

I can tell you this…...that 'ucking fly never knew what hit him...


Free to choose apart from the ones where the trust poked their nose in. Common eel. tope. Bass and sea bream. All restricted.


New for 2016 TAT are the main instigators for the demise of the u k bass charter boat industry, where they went screaming off to parliament and for the first time assisting so called angling gurus set up bass take bans with the e u using rubbish exaggerated info collected by ices from anglers, they must be very proud.

Upgrade, the door has been closed with regards to anglers being linked to the e u superstate and the failed c f p. So TAT will no longer need to pay monies to the EAA anymore as that org is no longer relevant to the u k . Goodbye to the europeon anglers alliance and pathetic restrictions from the e u.

Angling is better than politics, ban politics from angling.

Consumer of bass. where is the evidence that the u k bass stock need angling trust protection. Why won't you work with your peers instead of castigating them. They have the answer.

Recipie's for mullet stew more than welcomed.

Angling sanitation trust and kent and sussex sea anglers org delete's and blocks rsa's alternative opinion on their face book site. Although they claim to rep all.

new for 2014. where is the evidence that the south coast bream stock need the angling trust? Your campaign has no evidence. Why won't you work with your peers, the inshore under tens? As opposed to alienating them? Angling trust failed big time re bait digging, even fish legal attempted to intervene and failed, all for what, nothing.

Looks like the sea angling reps have been coerced by the ifca's to compose sea angling strategy's that the ifca's at some stage will look at drafting into legislation to manage the rsa, because they like wasting tax payers money. That's without asking the rsa btw. You know who you are..

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