HAVE A LAUGH

[wotnobivvy]

d

[chesters1]

d

?

[Clifftop]

H.O.M.E.W.O.R.K

Half
Of

My
Energy
Wasted
On

Random
Knowledge

[Newt]

After getting all of Pope Francis's luggage loaded into the limo at the airport, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.

'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'

'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope,'they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today.'

"I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! What if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.

'Who's going to tell?' asks the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets into the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel.

The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 130 mph. (Remember, the Pope is Argentinean, and Fangio the famous racer, was Argentinean.)

"Please slow down, Your Holiness," pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

"Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job!', moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches; but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going 130 mph.

'So bust him,' says the Chief.

'I don't think we want to do that. He's really important,' said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed, 'All the more reason!'

'No, I mean really important,' said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, 'Who do you have there, the mayor?'

Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief: ' A senator?'

Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief: 'The President?'

Cop: 'Bigger.'

'Well,' said the Chief, 'who is it?'

Cop: 'I think it's GOD!

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, 'What makes you think it's God?'

Cop: 'His chauffeur is the Pope!

[chesters1]

LOL i get visions of morgan freeman as the old chauffeur

[Clifftop]

Before my daughter went on her first date, I gave her "the talk."

"Sometimes, it's easy to get carried away when you are with a boy," I said.

"Remember, a short moment of indiscretion could ruin your life."

"Don't worry," she said. "I don't plan on ruining my life until I get married."

[Newt]

For those of my generation who do not, and cannot, comprehend why Facebook exists.

I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles.

Therefore, every day I walk down the street and tell passersby what I have eaten, how I'm feeling at the moment, what I have done the night before, what I will do later and with whom.

I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and of me gardening, taking things apart in the garage, watering the lawn, standing in front of landmarks, driving around town, having lunch, and doing what everybody does every day.

I also listen to their conversations, give them the "thumbs up" and tell them, "I like them."

And, it works... Just like Facebook....

I already have four people following me. ...

Two police officers, a private investigator and a psychiatrist...

[barry luxton]

 

For those of my generation who do not, and cannot, comprehend why Facebook exists.

I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles.

Therefore, every day I walk down the street and tell passersby what I have eaten, how I'm feeling at the moment, what I have done the night before, what I will do later and with whom.

I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and of me gardening, taking things apart in the garage, watering the lawn, standing in front of landmarks, driving around town, having lunch, and doing what everybody does every day.

I also listen to their conversations, give them the "thumbs up" and tell them, "I like them."

And, it works... Just like Facebook....

I already have four people following me. ...

Two police officers, a private investigator and a psychiatrist...

 

 

think so to, conversation re the weather was missed.

[chesters1]

For those of my generation who do not, and cannot, comprehend why Facebook exists.

 

I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles.

 

Therefore, every day I walk down the street and tell passersby what I have eaten, how I'm feeling at the moment, what I have done the night before, what I will do later and with whom.

 

I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and of me gardening, taking things apart in the garage, watering the lawn, standing in front of landmarks, driving around town, having lunch, and doing what everybody does every day.

 

I also listen to their conversations, give them the "thumbs up" and tell them, "I like them."

 

And, it works... Just like Facebook....

 

I already have four people following me. ...

 

Two police officers, a private investigator and a psychiatrist...

Its true but the really crazy thing is they tell their "friends" when their going on holiday ,better still the only time a gate on the drive up the road is shut is when they go on holiday ,stupidity at its greatest

[Clifftop]

A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco's Pier
41 to purchase tickets for a sightseeing boat to Alcatraz Prison.

The children weren't good at waiting: they fidgeted, whined, and
punched one another.

The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail.

Finally they reached the ticket window. "Five tickets, please," the
father said. "Two round trip, three one way."