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HAVE A LAUGH


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All,

 

A female midget comes into the dr's office and complains about an itch in the groin area. The dr stands her up on his desk and goes under her dress.

 

All she can hear is snip snip snip snip and felt nothing. The dr comes out from under her dress and asks, "how's that"?

 

She says better but it still itches a little. So back under the dress goes the dr. - snip snip snip snip snip snip

 

He come out and says, how's that?

 

She says "wonderful but what did you do?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

The dr says, Ohh I just trimmed a little off the top of your Ugh boots

 

Phone

Edited by Phone
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A black fellow and his black wife find out she is pregnant and a few months the day comes and she goes off to have the baby ,groans and screams emanates from the birthing room and after the sound stops a nurse comes out and gives the happy father his son ,the happy dad looks at the sprog but is puzzled its white not black like both parents.

He grabs the doctor as he passes and asks if theres been a mistake ,no he says its definitely the child your wife had and although its extremely rare such things happen.

This settles the father and the couple settle down with their new son in harmony.

A year passes and once more she gets pregnant and on having the child again the sprog is white but a girl this time

,again the puzzled and now suspicious father grabs the doctor and interrogates him ,well sir he says its definitely the child your wife had and although after research your the first to have two white children it must be just a coincidence.

 

The couple once more settle down to family life happy in the knowledge their children are marvels of nature and they are a bit of a star in the scientific field of children.

 

The next year once more the women gets pregnant and once more the child is white ,the chap grabs the doctor and DEMANDS a DNA test and looks accusingly at the wife thinking the honky next door had been fooling with his wife.

The results come back and its confirmed he is the father of all three and they patch things up and settle down happy their family is the first case ever of three white kids from two black parents and the doctor assures them it will never ever happen again the odds predict another white child is impossibe.

 

The next year it happens again and now the doctor is confused as well as the father and sets off the research whats happening.

After lots of tests the doctor comes up with nothing both the father and mother are completely normal so he scratches his head and asks if they have 'normal' sex and they dont take drugs or use strange creams or lubes?

No the father says its always normal missionary position sex ,hmm the doctor says there must be something unusual when you have sex err can i watch ,they look at each other and decide to get to the bottom of the matter they will let him observe their love making.

The doctor watches the foreplay the gradual excitement ,nothing amiss their he says ,then the father pentrates the wife and fornicate and the man ejaculates with gusto ,nothing amiss there ,hes bemused.

The man then dismounts from his wife but he is so engorged he has to force himself out with a great plop and escape of air

Thats it ,thats it ,the doctor shouts ...your letting the light in!

Believe NOTHING anyones says or writes unless you witness it yourself and even then your eyes can deceive you

None of this "the enemy of my enemy is my friend" crap it just means i have at least two enemies!

 

There is only one opinion i listen to ,its mine and its ALWAYS right even when its wrong

 

Its far easier to curse the darkness than light one candle

 

Mathew 4:19

Grangers law : anything i say will  turn out the opposite or not happen at all!

Life insurance? you wont enjoy a penny!

"To compel a man to furnish contributions of money for the propagation of opinions which he disbelieves and abhors, is sinful and tyrannical." Thomas Jefferson

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Climbing into bed last night ........

 

As I was getting in bed, she said, "You’re drunk".

I said, "How do you know?"

 

She said, "You live next door.”

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" My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference!" - Harry Truman, 33rd US President

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Hell explained by a chemistry student


The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term examination. The answer by one student was so ‘profound’ that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.


Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.


One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.


Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.


Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:


1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.


2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it?


If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is, therefore, extinct, leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being - which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God!”


THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

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" My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference!" - Harry Truman, 33rd US President

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Phone - good to see that someone, other than those of us who post them, is actually reading the funnies.

" My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference!" - Harry Truman, 33rd US President

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Phone - good to see that someone, other than those of us who post them, is actually reading the funnies.

Reading? there's me thinking that phone only looked at the pictures. :whistling::whistling::whistling:

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Free to choose apart from the ones where the trust poked their nose in. Common eel. tope. Bass and sea bream. All restricted.


New for 2016 TAT are the main instigators for the demise of the u k bass charter boat industry, where they went screaming off to parliament and for the first time assisting so called angling gurus set up bass take bans with the e u using rubbish exaggerated info collected by ices from anglers, they must be very proud.

Upgrade, the door has been closed with regards to anglers being linked to the e u superstate and the failed c f p. So TAT will no longer need to pay monies to the EAA anymore as that org is no longer relevant to the u k . Goodbye to the europeon anglers alliance and pathetic restrictions from the e u.

Angling is better than politics, ban politics from angling.

Consumer of bass. where is the evidence that the u k bass stock need angling trust protection. Why won't you work with your peers instead of castigating them. They have the answer.

Recipie's for mullet stew more than welcomed.

Angling sanitation trust and kent and sussex sea anglers org delete's and blocks rsa's alternative opinion on their face book site. Although they claim to rep all.

new for 2014. where is the evidence that the south coast bream stock need the angling trust? Your campaign has no evidence. Why won't you work with your peers, the inshore under tens? As opposed to alienating them? Angling trust failed big time re bait digging, even fish legal attempted to intervene and failed, all for what, nothing.

Looks like the sea angling reps have been coerced by the ifca's to compose sea angling strategy's that the ifca's at some stage will look at drafting into legislation to manage the rsa, because they like wasting tax payers money. That's without asking the rsa btw. You know who you are..

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  • 2 weeks later...

A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota."

Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job.
"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.
"How many customers bought something from you today?" The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One". The boss says "Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day.
That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota, but you're not on the farm anymore, son."
The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"
The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65".
The boss, astonished, says $101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?"
The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?"
The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.

Edited by corydoras
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The problem isn't what people don't know, it's what they know that just ain't so.
Vaut mieux ne rien dire et passer pour un con que de parler et prouver que t'en est un!
Mi, ch’fais toudis à m’mote

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