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As I was lying around, pondering the problems of the world I realised that at my age I don't really give a rat's ass any more.

If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat.

A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while

A tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.

And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so.

Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:

1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran

3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.

4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded

5. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

6. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it ?

7. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.

8. Some days, you're the top dog; some days you're the hydrant.

9. I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.

10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids

12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere

13. The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.

14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.

15. When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.

16. It's not hard to meet expenses . . . they're everywhere.

17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .I go somewhere to get
something, and then wonder what I'm "here after".

19. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

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Free to choose apart from the ones where the trust poked their nose in. Common eel. tope. Bass and sea bream. All restricted.


New for 2016 TAT are the main instigators for the demise of the u k bass charter boat industry, where they went screaming off to parliament and for the first time assisting so called angling gurus set up bass take bans with the e u using rubbish exaggerated info collected by ices from anglers, they must be very proud.

Upgrade, the door has been closed with regards to anglers being linked to the e u superstate and the failed c f p. So TAT will no longer need to pay monies to the EAA anymore as that org is no longer relevant to the u k . Goodbye to the europeon anglers alliance and pathetic restrictions from the e u.

Angling is better than politics, ban politics from angling.

Consumer of bass. where is the evidence that the u k bass stock need angling trust protection. Why won't you work with your peers instead of castigating them. They have the answer.

Recipie's for mullet stew more than welcomed.

Angling sanitation trust and kent and sussex sea anglers org delete's and blocks rsa's alternative opinion on their face book site. Although they claim to rep all.

new for 2014. where is the evidence that the south coast bream stock need the angling trust? Your campaign has no evidence. Why won't you work with your peers, the inshore under tens? As opposed to alienating them? Angling trust failed big time re bait digging, even fish legal attempted to intervene and failed, all for what, nothing.

Looks like the sea angling reps have been coerced by the ifca's to compose sea angling strategy's that the ifca's at some stage will look at drafting into legislation to manage the rsa, because they like wasting tax payers money. That's without asking the rsa btw. You know who you are..

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I ordered a Chinese meal last night. Chinese driver came to our door and I walked out to meet him. He started shouting "isolate" "isolate" I said you’re not that late, I only ordered 25 minutes ago!

Alex Salmond's colleagues decided it would be a worthy gesture to name a railway locomotive after him. So an official went to the National Railway Museum at York, to investigate the possibilities. "T

Posted Images

All,

 

""""""""In June, a man borrowed a friend’s BMW in Scotland and drove south to Manchester to catch a Stone Roses concert at Etihad Stadium, reports the Manchester Evening News.

He parked the vehicle in one of the area’s parking garages and promptly forgot which one. After the concert, he searched and searched, and ultimately spent five days trying to find his friend’s wheels before giving up.""""""

Found 6 months later.

Phone

Really???

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Phone: Scotsman gets drunk and loses something is not funny, not news and definitely not particularly unusual. :rolleyes:;)

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Chippie calls his boss and say "I can't come to work today".

Boss says "why not?".

Chippie says "it's my eyes".

Boss says "what's wrong with your eyes?".

Chippie say "I can't see myself working today - so I'm going fishing instead

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my mind not only wanders-- sometimes it leaves completely.

 

 

Updated 7/3/09

http://sites.google.com/site/pomfred/

 

 

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In the spirit of equality and tolerance, a Muslim alternative to Action Man has been produced.

 

No-one knows what it says yet though because up to now no-one's been brave enough to pull the string.

 

*****************************************

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS

40-ish - 49
Adventurous - Slept with everyone
Athletic - No tits
Average looking - Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure - On medication
Feminist - Fat
Free spirit - Junkie
Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person
Fun - Annoying
New Age - Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate - Sloppy drunk
Professional - Bitch
Voluptuous - Very Fat
Large frame - Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate - Stalker

 

 

*****************************************

WOMEN'S ENGLISH

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay

 

********************************

 

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a double whisky - just had another fight with the wife."

"Oh yeah?" said Charlie, "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over," Mike replied, "She came to me on her hands and knees".

"Really," said Charles, "Now that's a something! What did she say?"

She said, "Come out from under that bed, and fight like a man"

 

****************************************

 

 

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An atheist buys an ancient lamp at an auction, takes it home, and begins to polish it. Suddenly, a genie appears, and says, “I’ll grant you three wishes, Master.” The atheist says, “I wish I could believe in you.” The genie snaps his fingers, and suddenly the atheist believes in him. The atheist says, “Wow. I wish all atheists would believe this.” The genie snaps his fingers again, and suddenly atheists all over the world begin to believe in genies. “What about your third wish?” asks the genie. “Well,” says the atheist, “I wish for a billion dollars.” The genie snaps his fingers for a third time, but nothing happens. “What’s wrong?” asks the atheist. The genie shrugs and says, “Just because you believe in me, doesn’t necessarily mean that I really exist.

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The problem isn't what people don't know, it's what they know that just ain't so.
Vaut mieux ne rien dire et passer pour un con que de parler et prouver que t'en est un!
Mi, ch’fais toudis à m’mote

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A man sees a boy with a box of kittens the man goes over and says "oh what cute kittens!" the boy replies "yes they are Christian kittens". About a week later the man sees the boy again with the same batch of kittens. once again he walks over and says "my, those are just adorable!" the boy replies "yes, they are atheist kittens" the man asks "wait, weren't they christian before?" the boy looks at the man and says " yeah but they have their eyes open now"

  • Like 1

The problem isn't what people don't know, it's what they know that just ain't so.
Vaut mieux ne rien dire et passer pour un con que de parler et prouver que t'en est un!
Mi, ch’fais toudis à m’mote

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Due to the current
> financial situation caused by the slowdown
> in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a
> scheme to put workers
> of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement,
> thus creating jobs
> and reducing unemployment.
>
>
>
> This scheme will be known
> as RAPE (Retire Aged People
> Early).
>
>
>
> Persons selected to be
> RAPED can apply to the Government to
> be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After
> Forced
> Termination).
>
>
>
> Persons who have been
> RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed
> under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early
> Workers).
>
>
>
> A person may be RAPED
> once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many
> times as the Government deems
> appropriate.
>
>
>
> Persons who have been
> RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income
> for Dependant (& Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for
> Retired Personnel
> Early Severance).
>
>
>
> Obviously persons who have
> AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED
> or SCREWED any further by the
> Government.
>
>
>
> Persons who are not RAPED
> and are staying on will receive as
> much **** (Special High Intensity Training) as possible.
> The Government
> has always prided itself on the amount of **** they give our
> citizens.
>
>
>
> Should you feel that you
> do not receive enough ****, please
> bring this to the attention of your MP, who has been trained
> to give you all the
> **** you can handle.
>
>
>
> Sincerely,
>
> The Committee for Economic
> Value of Individual Lives
> (E.V.I.L.)
>
>
>
> PS - Due to recent budget
> cuts and the rising cost of
> electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market
> conditions, The Light
> at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.

  • Like 1

Free to choose apart from the ones where the trust poked their nose in. Common eel. tope. Bass and sea bream. All restricted.


New for 2016 TAT are the main instigators for the demise of the u k bass charter boat industry, where they went screaming off to parliament and for the first time assisting so called angling gurus set up bass take bans with the e u using rubbish exaggerated info collected by ices from anglers, they must be very proud.

Upgrade, the door has been closed with regards to anglers being linked to the e u superstate and the failed c f p. So TAT will no longer need to pay monies to the EAA anymore as that org is no longer relevant to the u k . Goodbye to the europeon anglers alliance and pathetic restrictions from the e u.

Angling is better than politics, ban politics from angling.

Consumer of bass. where is the evidence that the u k bass stock need angling trust protection. Why won't you work with your peers instead of castigating them. They have the answer.

Recipie's for mullet stew more than welcomed.

Angling sanitation trust and kent and sussex sea anglers org delete's and blocks rsa's alternative opinion on their face book site. Although they claim to rep all.

new for 2014. where is the evidence that the south coast bream stock need the angling trust? Your campaign has no evidence. Why won't you work with your peers, the inshore under tens? As opposed to alienating them? Angling trust failed big time re bait digging, even fish legal attempted to intervene and failed, all for what, nothing.

Looks like the sea angling reps have been coerced by the ifca's to compose sea angling strategy's that the ifca's at some stage will look at drafting into legislation to manage the rsa, because they like wasting tax payers money. That's without asking the rsa btw. You know who you are..

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