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Bobj

By Bobj
in Non-Fishing Chat

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barry luxton Member

barry luxton

Posted
Posted (edited)

A store that sells new husbands
has opened in Glasgow, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the
instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the
value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper
may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next
floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the
sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love children.

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more,' so she continues upward. The
third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love children, and are extremely good
looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love children, are drop-dead good looking
and help with the housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love children, are drop-dead good looking
and help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where
the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this
floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that
women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just
across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex, have
money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have
never been visited

...........................................................................................

 

SUBJECT: No sex after surgery
> >>
> >>>>>>> A recent article in the West Australian newspaper reported that
> >>>>>>> a woman, Mrs.Maynard (pictured) has sued a Perth Hospital,
> >>>>>>> saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all
> >>>>>>> interest in sex.
> >>>>>>> The hospital spokesman replied: "Mr. Maynard was admitted for
> >>>>>>> cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight."

Edited by barry luxton
  • Like 1

Free to choose apart from the ones where the trust poked their nose in. Common eel. tope. Bass and sea bream. All restricted.


New for 2016 TAT are the main instigators for the demise of the u k bass charter boat industry, where they went screaming off to parliament and for the first time assisting so called angling gurus set up bass take bans with the e u using rubbish exaggerated info collected by ices from anglers, they must be very proud.

Upgrade, the door has been closed with regards to anglers being linked to the e u superstate and the failed c f p. So TAT will no longer need to pay monies to the EAA anymore as that org is no longer relevant to the u k . Goodbye to the europeon anglers alliance and pathetic restrictions from the e u.

Angling is better than politics, ban politics from angling.

Consumer of bass. where is the evidence that the u k bass stock need angling trust protection. Why won't you work with your peers instead of castigating them. They have the answer.

Recipie's for mullet stew more than welcomed.

Angling sanitation trust and kent and sussex sea anglers org delete's and blocks rsa's alternative opinion on their face book site. Although they claim to rep all.

new for 2014. where is the evidence that the south coast bream stock need the angling trust? Your campaign has no evidence. Why won't you work with your peers, the inshore under tens? As opposed to alienating them? Angling trust failed big time re bait digging, even fish legal attempted to intervene and failed, all for what, nothing.

Looks like the sea angling reps have been coerced by the ifca's to compose sea angling strategy's that the ifca's at some stage will look at drafting into legislation to manage the rsa, because they like wasting tax payers money. That's without asking the rsa btw. You know who you are..

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Phone Member

Phone

Posted
Posted (edited)

All,

 

"Trump’s got the pope on his yacht.

The pope’s hat flies off. It’s in the water.

The Secret Service is trying to get it.

All the pope’s people are trying to get it.

Trump goes, “Hang on, hang on.”

He walks across the water,

bends over, picks up the hat,

walks back across the water,

puts in on the pope’s head—the pope’s baffled."

 

Next day’s newspaper headline reads,

 

“TRUMP CAN’T SWIM.”

 

Phone

Edited by Phone
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barry luxton Member

barry luxton

Posted
Posted

Three
in the Mortuary

Three dead bodies turn up at a mortuary all with very big smiles on

their faces and the police call on the coroner to investigate.

"First body," says the coroner, "Pierre Dubois,
Frenchman, 60, died of
heart failure while making love to his
20-year-old mistress.

Hence the
smile," says the coroner.

"Second body is Gregory
Campbell, Scotsman, 25, won £50,000 on the
Lottery. Spent it all on
whisky.

Died of
alcohol poisoning, hence the smile." he says.

The police
inspector asked, "So what about this third body?"

"Ah,"
says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one.

Paddy
Murphy, Irish, 30, struck by lightning."

"Why the broad
grin, then?" inquires the inspector.

"He thought he was
having his picture taken."

  • Like 2

Free to choose apart from the ones where the trust poked their nose in. Common eel. tope. Bass and sea bream. All restricted.


New for 2016 TAT are the main instigators for the demise of the u k bass charter boat industry, where they went screaming off to parliament and for the first time assisting so called angling gurus set up bass take bans with the e u using rubbish exaggerated info collected by ices from anglers, they must be very proud.

Upgrade, the door has been closed with regards to anglers being linked to the e u superstate and the failed c f p. So TAT will no longer need to pay monies to the EAA anymore as that org is no longer relevant to the u k . Goodbye to the europeon anglers alliance and pathetic restrictions from the e u.

Angling is better than politics, ban politics from angling.

Consumer of bass. where is the evidence that the u k bass stock need angling trust protection. Why won't you work with your peers instead of castigating them. They have the answer.

Recipie's for mullet stew more than welcomed.

Angling sanitation trust and kent and sussex sea anglers org delete's and blocks rsa's alternative opinion on their face book site. Although they claim to rep all.

new for 2014. where is the evidence that the south coast bream stock need the angling trust? Your campaign has no evidence. Why won't you work with your peers, the inshore under tens? As opposed to alienating them? Angling trust failed big time re bait digging, even fish legal attempted to intervene and failed, all for what, nothing.

Looks like the sea angling reps have been coerced by the ifca's to compose sea angling strategy's that the ifca's at some stage will look at drafting into legislation to manage the rsa, because they like wasting tax payers money. That's without asking the rsa btw. You know who you are..

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barry luxton Member

barry luxton

Posted
Posted

A
flat-chested young lady read an article in a magazine that stated Dr.
Wiethoff in Seymour could enlarge your breasts without surgery. So she
decided to go to Dr. Wiethoff to see if he could help her. Dr.
Wiethoff said, 'Every day after your shower, rub your chest and chant,
'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies!' She did this
faithfully for several months, and to her utter amazement she grew a
terrific D-cup rack!

One
morning she was running late, got on the bus, and in a panic realized
she had forgotten her morning ritual. Frightened she might
lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme, she stood
right there in the middle aisle of the bus, closed her eyes and said,
'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger
boobies.'

A guy
sitting nearby looked at her and asked ' Are you a patient of Dr.
Wiethoff?'

'Yes I
am.. How did you know?' she replied.

He
winked and whispered, ' Hickory dickory
dock'...

  • Like 1

Free to choose apart from the ones where the trust poked their nose in. Common eel. tope. Bass and sea bream. All restricted.


New for 2016 TAT are the main instigators for the demise of the u k bass charter boat industry, where they went screaming off to parliament and for the first time assisting so called angling gurus set up bass take bans with the e u using rubbish exaggerated info collected by ices from anglers, they must be very proud.

Upgrade, the door has been closed with regards to anglers being linked to the e u superstate and the failed c f p. So TAT will no longer need to pay monies to the EAA anymore as that org is no longer relevant to the u k . Goodbye to the europeon anglers alliance and pathetic restrictions from the e u.

Angling is better than politics, ban politics from angling.

Consumer of bass. where is the evidence that the u k bass stock need angling trust protection. Why won't you work with your peers instead of castigating them. They have the answer.

Recipie's for mullet stew more than welcomed.

Angling sanitation trust and kent and sussex sea anglers org delete's and blocks rsa's alternative opinion on their face book site. Although they claim to rep all.

new for 2014. where is the evidence that the south coast bream stock need the angling trust? Your campaign has no evidence. Why won't you work with your peers, the inshore under tens? As opposed to alienating them? Angling trust failed big time re bait digging, even fish legal attempted to intervene and failed, all for what, nothing.

Looks like the sea angling reps have been coerced by the ifca's to compose sea angling strategy's that the ifca's at some stage will look at drafting into legislation to manage the rsa, because they like wasting tax payers money. That's without asking the rsa btw. You know who you are..

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barry luxton Member

barry luxton

Posted
Posted

rugby league fan is
drinking in a Yorkshire bar, when

he gets a call on his mobile phone. He hangs up, grinning

from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for

everybody in the bar, announcing his wife has just given

birth to a typical Yorkshire baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

Nobody can believe that
any new baby can weigh in at 25

pounds, but the rugby
fan just shrugs and replies, 'That's

about average in Yorkshire ... like I said, my boy's a

typical Yorkshire baby boy. Gonna be a rugby league player.'

Congratulations showered
him from all around, amid

many exclamations of 'WOW!' One woman actually

fainted due to sympathy pains.

Two weeks later, he
returns to the bar. The bartender

says, 'Say, aren't you
the father of that typical Yorkshire

baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth?

Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in

two weeks. So, how much does he weigh now?'

The proud father
answers, 'Twenty pounds.'

The bartender is puzzled, concerned and a little

suspicious. 'What happened? He already weighed 25

pounds the day he was born!'

The Yorkshire man takes
a slow swig of his Samuel Smith's Bitter Beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender

and proudly says---------

'Had him circumcised...'

  • Like 2

Free to choose apart from the ones where the trust poked their nose in. Common eel. tope. Bass and sea bream. All restricted.


New for 2016 TAT are the main instigators for the demise of the u k bass charter boat industry, where they went screaming off to parliament and for the first time assisting so called angling gurus set up bass take bans with the e u using rubbish exaggerated info collected by ices from anglers, they must be very proud.

Upgrade, the door has been closed with regards to anglers being linked to the e u superstate and the failed c f p. So TAT will no longer need to pay monies to the EAA anymore as that org is no longer relevant to the u k . Goodbye to the europeon anglers alliance and pathetic restrictions from the e u.

Angling is better than politics, ban politics from angling.

Consumer of bass. where is the evidence that the u k bass stock need angling trust protection. Why won't you work with your peers instead of castigating them. They have the answer.

Recipie's for mullet stew more than welcomed.

Angling sanitation trust and kent and sussex sea anglers org delete's and blocks rsa's alternative opinion on their face book site. Although they claim to rep all.

new for 2014. where is the evidence that the south coast bream stock need the angling trust? Your campaign has no evidence. Why won't you work with your peers, the inshore under tens? As opposed to alienating them? Angling trust failed big time re bait digging, even fish legal attempted to intervene and failed, all for what, nothing.

Looks like the sea angling reps have been coerced by the ifca's to compose sea angling strategy's that the ifca's at some stage will look at drafting into legislation to manage the rsa, because they like wasting tax payers money. That's without asking the rsa btw. You know who you are..

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barry luxton Member

barry luxton

Posted
Posted

Joe says to Paddy: "Close your curtains the next time you're making love to your wife.
> The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
> Paddy says: "Well the joke's on them because I wasn't even at home yesterday."

Free to choose apart from the ones where the trust poked their nose in. Common eel. tope. Bass and sea bream. All restricted.


New for 2016 TAT are the main instigators for the demise of the u k bass charter boat industry, where they went screaming off to parliament and for the first time assisting so called angling gurus set up bass take bans with the e u using rubbish exaggerated info collected by ices from anglers, they must be very proud.

Upgrade, the door has been closed with regards to anglers being linked to the e u superstate and the failed c f p. So TAT will no longer need to pay monies to the EAA anymore as that org is no longer relevant to the u k . Goodbye to the europeon anglers alliance and pathetic restrictions from the e u.

Angling is better than politics, ban politics from angling.

Consumer of bass. where is the evidence that the u k bass stock need angling trust protection. Why won't you work with your peers instead of castigating them. They have the answer.

Recipie's for mullet stew more than welcomed.

Angling sanitation trust and kent and sussex sea anglers org delete's and blocks rsa's alternative opinion on their face book site. Although they claim to rep all.

new for 2014. where is the evidence that the south coast bream stock need the angling trust? Your campaign has no evidence. Why won't you work with your peers, the inshore under tens? As opposed to alienating them? Angling trust failed big time re bait digging, even fish legal attempted to intervene and failed, all for what, nothing.

Looks like the sea angling reps have been coerced by the ifca's to compose sea angling strategy's that the ifca's at some stage will look at drafting into legislation to manage the rsa, because they like wasting tax payers money. That's without asking the rsa btw. You know who you are..

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  • 3 weeks later...
barry luxton Member

barry luxton

Posted
Posted

Bob was about to marry Caroline when his father took him to one side.

'When I married your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was take off my trousers,' he said. 'I gave them to your
mother and told her to put them on.' When she did, they were enormous on her and she said to me that she couldn't possibly
wear
them, as they were too large. I told her, "Of course they're too big. I
wear the trousers in this family and I always will."
Ever since that day, we have never had a single problem.'

Bob
took his father's advice and as soon as he got Caroline alone after the
wedding, he did the same thing; took off his trousers, gave
them to
Caroline and told her to put them on. Caroline said that the trousers
were too big and she couldn't possibly wear them. 'Exactly,'
replied Bob. 'I wear the trousers in this relationship and I always will. I don't want you to forget that.'

Caroline
paused and removed her knickers and gave them to Bob. 'Try these on,'
she said, so he tried them on but they were too small. 'I
can't
possibly get into your knickers,' said Bob. 'Exactly,' replied Caroline.
'And if you don't change your bloody attitude, you never
will.'

  • Like 1

Free to choose apart from the ones where the trust poked their nose in. Common eel. tope. Bass and sea bream. All restricted.


New for 2016 TAT are the main instigators for the demise of the u k bass charter boat industry, where they went screaming off to parliament and for the first time assisting so called angling gurus set up bass take bans with the e u using rubbish exaggerated info collected by ices from anglers, they must be very proud.

Upgrade, the door has been closed with regards to anglers being linked to the e u superstate and the failed c f p. So TAT will no longer need to pay monies to the EAA anymore as that org is no longer relevant to the u k . Goodbye to the europeon anglers alliance and pathetic restrictions from the e u.

Angling is better than politics, ban politics from angling.

Consumer of bass. where is the evidence that the u k bass stock need angling trust protection. Why won't you work with your peers instead of castigating them. They have the answer.

Recipie's for mullet stew more than welcomed.

Angling sanitation trust and kent and sussex sea anglers org delete's and blocks rsa's alternative opinion on their face book site. Although they claim to rep all.

new for 2014. where is the evidence that the south coast bream stock need the angling trust? Your campaign has no evidence. Why won't you work with your peers, the inshore under tens? As opposed to alienating them? Angling trust failed big time re bait digging, even fish legal attempted to intervene and failed, all for what, nothing.

Looks like the sea angling reps have been coerced by the ifca's to compose sea angling strategy's that the ifca's at some stage will look at drafting into legislation to manage the rsa, because they like wasting tax payers money. That's without asking the rsa btw. You know who you are..

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barry luxton Member

barry luxton

Posted
Posted

WITH A VERY SEDUCTIVE VOICE A WIFE ASKED HER HUSBAND "HAVE YOU EVER SEEN £20 ALL CRUMPLED UP?"

"NO" SAID HER HUSBAND.

SHE
GAVE HIM A SEXY LITTLE SMILE, UNBUTTONED THE TOP THREE BUTTONS OF HER
BLOUSE AND SLOWLY REACHED DOWN IN HER CLEAVAGE AND PULLED OUT A CRUMPLED
£20 NOTE.

HE TOOK THE CRUMPLED £20 NOTE FROM HER AND SMILED APPROVINGLY.

SHE THEN ASKED "HAVE YOU EVER SEEN £50 ALL CRUMPLED UP?"

"NO I HAVEN'T" HE SAID WITH AN ANXIOUS TONE IN HIS VOICE.

SHE
GAVE HIM ANOTHER SEXY LITTLE SMILE PULLED UP HER SKIRT, SEDUCTIVELY
SHE PULLED OUT A CRUMPLED £50 NOTE FROM UNDER THE ELASTIC IN HER
PANTIES.

HE TOOK THE CRUMPLED £50 NOTE AND STARTED BREATHING A LITTLE QUICKER WITH ANTICIPATION.

"NOW" SHE SAID "HAVE YOU EVER SEEN £30,000 ALL CRUMPLED UP?"

"NO WAY" HE SAID BECOMING EVEN MORE AROUSED AND EXCITED TO WHICH SHE REPLIED:

"GO LOOK IN THE GARAGE."

Free to choose apart from the ones where the trust poked their nose in. Common eel. tope. Bass and sea bream. All restricted.


New for 2016 TAT are the main instigators for the demise of the u k bass charter boat industry, where they went screaming off to parliament and for the first time assisting so called angling gurus set up bass take bans with the e u using rubbish exaggerated info collected by ices from anglers, they must be very proud.

Upgrade, the door has been closed with regards to anglers being linked to the e u superstate and the failed c f p. So TAT will no longer need to pay monies to the EAA anymore as that org is no longer relevant to the u k . Goodbye to the europeon anglers alliance and pathetic restrictions from the e u.

Angling is better than politics, ban politics from angling.

Consumer of bass. where is the evidence that the u k bass stock need angling trust protection. Why won't you work with your peers instead of castigating them. They have the answer.

Recipie's for mullet stew more than welcomed.

Angling sanitation trust and kent and sussex sea anglers org delete's and blocks rsa's alternative opinion on their face book site. Although they claim to rep all.

new for 2014. where is the evidence that the south coast bream stock need the angling trust? Your campaign has no evidence. Why won't you work with your peers, the inshore under tens? As opposed to alienating them? Angling trust failed big time re bait digging, even fish legal attempted to intervene and failed, all for what, nothing.

Looks like the sea angling reps have been coerced by the ifca's to compose sea angling strategy's that the ifca's at some stage will look at drafting into legislation to manage the rsa, because they like wasting tax payers money. That's without asking the rsa btw. You know who you are..

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chesters1 Member

chesters1

Posted
Posted

Both very good even the mrs laughed

Believe NOTHING anyones says or writes unless you witness it yourself and even then your eyes can deceive you

None of this "the enemy of my enemy is my friend" crap it just means i have at least two enemies!

 

There is only one opinion i listen to ,its mine and its ALWAYS right even when its wrong

 

Its far easier to curse the darkness than light one candle

 

Mathew 4:19

Grangers law : anything i say will  turn out the opposite or not happen at all!

Life insurance? you wont enjoy a penny!

"To compel a man to furnish contributions of money for the propagation of opinions which he disbelieves and abhors, is sinful and tyrannical." Thomas Jefferson

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