HAVE A LAUGH

[Sportsman]

So, I'm sitting on the plane on the way to Malaga. There is a coupe of young men sat to my left so , to be friendly, I said "hello" to the one nearest. "Hi" he said, "my name is Bob and this is my Siamese twin Dave"

Well! Bit of a shock but I carried on chatting.

"So, do you and Dave go on holiday very often then"?

"Yes, we try to get out two or three times a year"

"So what do you go for, sunbathing on the beach"?

"No not really. People tend to stare"

Right, so is it to watch the pretty girls in the bikinis"?

"No, not really"

"So, is it the cheap booze"?

"No, neither of us drink"

So, why do you go then"?

"Well, to be honest,

.

.

.

.

.

Its the only chance Dave gets to drive the car"

[Bobj]

The Doctor's Lounge...

 

Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
She is numb from her toes down.
Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.
The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as stockbroker instead.
When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.
She has no rigors or chills but her husband says she was very hot in bed last night.
She can't get pregnant with her husband, so I will work her up.
Whilst in Casualty she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
The patient states there is a burning pain in his penis which goes to his feet.
On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
I will be happy to go into her GI system, she seems ready and anxious.
Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.

 

I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.
The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.
Healthy-appearing, decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
The patient has no past history of suicides.
The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.
The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

 

She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary oedema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.
Patient has chest pains if she lies on her left side for over a year.
He had a left-toe amputation one month ago. He also had a left-knee amputation last year.
By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling much better.
The patient is a 79-year-old widow who no longer lives with her husband.
The patient refused an autopsy.
Many years ago the patient had frostbite of the right shoe.
The bugs that grew out of her urine were cultured in the Casualty and are not available. I WILL FIND THEM!!!
The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints.

[Phone]

https://www.facebook.com/336162126470554/photos/a.337782542975179.81135.336162126470554/1683114101775343/?type=3

 

hope you can see it

 

Phone

[chesters1]

The jokes on it ,its spelt Arsenal !

[corydoras]

"If you see a sign that says 'say no to crack' and it reminds you to pull your jeans up, you might just be a redneck"

[chesters1]

Breaking news ,from saturday the BBC is doing the weather with an Islamic tilt.

The weather will be sunni or shiite!

[corydoras]

:bigemo_harabe_net-163:

[Clifftop]

Young boy walks into his classroom and sits down
Teacher: "Freddie - why are you late for school?"
Freddie: "sorry miss, my dad got burned this morning"
Teacher: "oh Freddie, I'm sorry to hear that. Was it bad?"
Freddie: "they don't mess about down the crematorium!!"

[Phone]

All,

 

My wife says she's lived her whole life pointed toward this moment in history (at least in the United States)

 

FINALLY, Chocolate is good for you - and - romaine lettuce will kill you.

 

Phone

[Sportsman]

Girl comes home from school and says

"mummy, we had counting at school today. Most of the girls could only count up to five, but I could count up to ten. Is that 'cause I'm blond mummy?"

Mummy says "yes dear, it's because you're blond"

Next day she comes home and says "mummy, today we had the alphabet and most of the girls could only get up to E and I got all the way up to M. Is that 'cause I'm blonde mummy?"

Mummy says "yes dear, it's because you're blonde"

The next day she comes home and says "mummy, today we had sports and afterwards we had a shower. I noticed that the other girls had flat chests and I had these. (pulls up jumper to display fine 36 C cups) Is that 'cause I'm blonde mummy?"

Mummy says "No dear, it's because you're 25"