HAVE A LAUGH

[Guest Jan V]

:bigemo_harabe_net-163:

[Clifftop]

A fathers 2 y.o. daughter had been given

a tea set as a present and was making cups

of 'tea' which was plain water, for her Dad.

 

After several cups of tea and lots of praise

from dad for the yummy tea, his wife came

home.

 

Mum watched as the 2y.o. brought yet

another cup of 'tea' which the father drank with

obvious relish.

 

Mum said, "Did it ever occur to you that the

only place she can reach to get water is the

toilet?"

[Guest Jan V]

This is pretty cute, especially for us der Wisconsinites! (Newt's from Arkansas - I'm from Wisconsin)

 

Two Wisconsinites walk into a pet shop near Oshkosh. They head to the bird section and Sven says to Ole, "Dat's dem." The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. "Yah sure, ve'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere," says Sven. The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag. Ole and Sven pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Sven's pick-up and drive to the top of some big cliffs near Lake Winnebago. At the cliffs, Sven looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says,

"Dis looks like a grand place." He takes two birds out of the bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Ole watches as Sven falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself dead. Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Ole shakes his head and says: "By yumpin' yiminy, dis budgie yumping is too dangerous for me."

 

VAIT!!! Dere's MORE!

 

Moments later Knute arrives up at the cliffs. He's been to the pet shop too, and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another paper bag in one hand and a shotgun in the other. "Hey, Ole. Vatch dis," Knute says. He takes a parrot from the bag and throws himself over the edge of the cliff. Ole watches as half way down, Knute takes the gun and shoots the parrot. Knute continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body. Ole shakes his head and says, "And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either."

 

BUT VAIT!!! Dere's MORE, you betcha!!

 

Ole is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Lars appears. He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a paper bag, out of which he pulls a chicken. Lars grasps the chicken by the legs, holds it over his head, and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine. Once more Ole shakes his head. "First der vas Sven vid his budgie jumping, den Knute parrotshooting .. und now Lars hengliding!"

[Huge_Vitae]

Newt, this needs urgent attention, I think Hembo has got hold of Jan's log in details.

[Guest Jan V]

Newt, this needs urgent attention, I think Hembo has got hold of Jan's log in details.

[barry luxton]

Husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained as usual, 'i have a headache'

 

'perfect' replied the husband.......................

 

'I was in the bathroon powdering me doda with aspirin, you can take it either orally or as a supository................ it's up to you.'

Edited March 12, 2008 by barry luxton

[Bobj]

This is pretty cute, especially for us der Wisconsinites! (Newt's from Arkansas - I'm from Wisconsin)

 

Don't let it worry you too much, Jan :P

 

 

The local Vicar announces that he will have to move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more... There is a hush within the congregation... Nobody wants him to leave... The local car dealer stands up and says," If the vicar stays, I'll supply him with a new car" The congregation sighs and applauds the generosity of the dealer.

The local publican rises to his feet.." If the vicar stays, I'll double his salary and pay for the childrens schooling"... Again the congregation applauds... Agnes Jones, an 88 year old grandmother, says, " if the vicar stays, I'll give him sex"... A gasp, then total silence... The Vicar swallows hard with embarrassment.." Whatever possessed you to say that Agnes", he says...

Agnes's 92 year old husband buries his face in his hands and shakes his head, afraid to look...

" Well I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said.. F**k the Vicar"...

[Guest Jan V]

:lol:

[Huge_Vitae]

Another Blonde one.............

 

Youtube Video ->

[Gerbil0154]

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into

the limo, and He doesn't travel light, the driver notices

that the Pope is still standing on the curb

 

'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver,

 

'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'

 

'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive

at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today.'

 

'I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job!

And what if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd

never gone to work that morning.

 

'There might be something extra in it for you,' says

the Pope.

 

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind

the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting

the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.

 

'Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!' pleads the worried driver, but the

Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. 'Oh, dear God,

I'm gonna lose my license,' moans the driver.

 

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but

the cop takes one look at him, goes Back to his motorcycle, and gets on

the radio.

 

'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.

 

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a

limo going a hundred and five.

 

'So bust him,' says the Chief.

 

'I don't think we want to do that - he's really important,' said the

cop.

 

The Chief exclaimed, 'All the more reason!'

 

'No, I mean really important,' said the cop.

 

The Chief then asked, 'Who have you got there, the Mayor?'

 

Cop: 'Bigger.'

 

Chief: 'Governor?'

 

Cop: 'Bigger.'

 

'Well,' said the Chief, 'Who is it?'

 

Cop: 'I think it's God!'

 

Chief: 'What makes you think it's God?'

 

 

 

 

 

 

..................keep going..........................

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cop: 'He's got the f**ing Pope as a chauffeur!'