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HAVE A LAUGH


Bobj

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A dog is truly a man's best friend.

 

If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.

 

Put your dog and your wife in the trunk (boot) of the car for an hour.

 

When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you!?

Edited by Jeff S

Jeff

 

Piscator non solum piscatur.

 

Yellow Prowler13

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Ask me at 75...

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You just wait till he gets home from work Jan :)

 

Den

"When through the woods and forest glades I wanderAnd hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees;When I look down from lofty mountain grandeur,And hear the brook, and feel the breeze;and see the waves crash on the shore,Then sings my soul..................

for all you Spodders. https://youtu.be/XYxsY-FbSic

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Bubba Had Shingles

 

Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line? Here's what happened to Bubba:

 

Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said: "Shingles." So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

 

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had.

 

Bubba said, "Shingles." So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical histor y and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.

 

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

 

An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." The doctor asked, "Where?"

 

Bubba said, "Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em??"

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Cheers, Bobj.

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Guest Jan V

Two rednecks are out hunting, and as they are walking along they come upon a

huge hole in the ground. They approach it and are amazed by the size of it.

 

The first hunter says ' Wow, that's some hole, I can't even see the

bottom, I wonder how deep it is?'

 

The second hunter says' I don't know, let's throw something down and listen

and see how long it takes to hit bottom.'

 

The first hunter says ' There's this old transmission here, give me a hand

and we'll throw it in and see'.

 

So they pick it up and carry it over, and count one, and two and three, and

throw it in the hole.

 

They are standing there listening and looking over the edge and they hear a

rustling in the brush behind them. As they turn around they see a goat come

crashing through the brush, run up to the hole with no hesitation, and jump

in headfirst.

 

While they are standing there looking at each other, looking in the

hole, and trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer

walks up.

 

'Say there', says the farmer, 'you fellers didn't happen to see my goat

around here anywhere, did you?'

 

The first hunter says 'Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here

a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin' about a hunert

miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this hole here!'

 

And the old farmer said, 'Why that's impossible, I had him chained to a

transmission!'

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Guest Jan V

DIVORCE VS. MURDER

 

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband.

That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

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It was mealtime during a flight on American Airlines.

 

'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John.

 

What are my choices?' John asked.

 

'Yes or No,' she replied.

John S

Quanti Canicula Ille In Fenestra

 

Species caught in 2017 Common Ash, Hawthorn, Hazel, Scots Pine, White Willow.

Species caught in 2016: Alder, Blackthorn, Common Ash, Crab Apple, Left Earlobe, Pedunculate Oak, Rock Whitebeam, Scots Pine, Smooth-leaved Elm, Swan, Wayfaring tree.

Species caught in 2015: Ash, Bird Cherry, Black-Headed Gull, Common Hazel, Common Whitebeam, Elder, Field Maple, Gorse, Puma, Sessile Oak, White Willow.

Species caught in 2014: Big Angry Man's Ear, Blackthorn, Common Ash, Common Whitebeam, Downy Birch, European Beech, European Holly, Hawthorn, Hazel, Scots Pine, Wych Elm.
Species caught in 2013: Beech, Elder, Hawthorn, Oak, Right Earlobe, Scots Pine.

Species caught in 2012: Ash, Aspen, Beech, Big Nasty Stinging Nettle, Birch, Copper Beech, Grey Willow, Holly, Hazel, Oak, Wasp Nest (that was a really bad day), White Poplar.
Species caught in 2011: Blackthorn, Crab Apple, Elder, Fir, Hawthorn, Horse Chestnut, Oak, Passing Dog, Rowan, Sycamore, Willow.
Species caught in 2010: Ash, Beech, Birch, Elder, Elm, Gorse, Mullberry, Oak, Poplar, Rowan, Sloe, Willow, Yew.

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