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Guest Jan V

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Harold the computer guy, to come over. Harold clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

 

He gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?" He replied, "It was an ID ten T error." I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An, ID ten T error? What's that ... in case I need to fix it again?"

Harold grinned... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

 

"No," I replied.

 

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

 

So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T

 

I used to like Harold.............

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I posted Harold on another forum and this was the reply.

 

I remember a while ago my then boss had a problem with his desktop "not working properly" - I didn't have time to look at it so I called Harold in to have a gander - his report later was that it was a PICNIC error and was now fixed - I of course had to ask what a PICNIC error was - Harold made me promise not to tell our boss ..........

 

Problem In Chair Not In Computer

my mind not only wanders-- sometimes it leaves completely.

 

 

Updated 7/3/09

http://sites.google.com/site/pomfred/

 

 

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MOLES:

 

A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole

all live in a little mole hole.

One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole,

sniffs the air and says,"Yum! I smell maple syrup!"

The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole,

sniffs the air and says "Yum! I smell honey!"

The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole

to sniff the air, but can't because the bigger moles

are in the way so he says, "Geez, all I can smell

is....

 

Scroll down.......

Get ready.....

?

Are you sure you're ready?

You may never forgive me for this one...

 

 

 

 

 

MOLASSES

my mind not only wanders-- sometimes it leaves completely.

 

 

Updated 7/3/09

http://sites.google.com/site/pomfred/

 

 

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Guest Jan V
I posted Harold on another forum and this was the reply.I remember a while ago my then boss had a problem with his desktop "not working properly" - I didn't have time to look at it so I called Harold in to have a gander - his report later was that it was a PICNIC error and was now fixed - I of course had to ask what a PICNIC error was - Harold made me promise not to tell our boss ..........Problem In Chair Not In Computer
good one. gotta remember :lol:
MOLES: A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole. One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says,"Yum! I smell maple syrup!" The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says "Yum! I smell honey!" The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't because the bigger moles are in the way so he says, "Geez, all I can smell is.... Scroll down....... Get ready..... ? Are you sure you're ready? You may never forgive me for this one... MOLASSES
g-r-o-a-n ( :D:D )
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On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple was involved in a fatal car accident.

 

The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St.Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder could they possibly get married in Heaven?

 

When St. Peter arrived, they asked him if they could get married in Heaven. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he left.

 

The couple sat and waited for an answer for a couple of months. While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all? "What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?"

 

Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled.

 

"Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven."

 

"Great!" said the couple. "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

 

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.

 

"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.

 

"OH COME ON!" St. Peter shouted. "It took me 3 months to find a Priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer?"

John S

Quanti Canicula Ille In Fenestra

 

Species caught in 2017 Common Ash, Hawthorn, Hazel, Scots Pine, White Willow.

Species caught in 2016: Alder, Blackthorn, Common Ash, Crab Apple, Left Earlobe, Pedunculate Oak, Rock Whitebeam, Scots Pine, Smooth-leaved Elm, Swan, Wayfaring tree.

Species caught in 2015: Ash, Bird Cherry, Black-Headed Gull, Common Hazel, Common Whitebeam, Elder, Field Maple, Gorse, Puma, Sessile Oak, White Willow.

Species caught in 2014: Big Angry Man's Ear, Blackthorn, Common Ash, Common Whitebeam, Downy Birch, European Beech, European Holly, Hawthorn, Hazel, Scots Pine, Wych Elm.
Species caught in 2013: Beech, Elder, Hawthorn, Oak, Right Earlobe, Scots Pine.

Species caught in 2012: Ash, Aspen, Beech, Big Nasty Stinging Nettle, Birch, Copper Beech, Grey Willow, Holly, Hazel, Oak, Wasp Nest (that was a really bad day), White Poplar.
Species caught in 2011: Blackthorn, Crab Apple, Elder, Fir, Hawthorn, Horse Chestnut, Oak, Passing Dog, Rowan, Sycamore, Willow.
Species caught in 2010: Ash, Beech, Birch, Elder, Elm, Gorse, Mullberry, Oak, Poplar, Rowan, Sloe, Willow, Yew.

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A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.

 

Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans.

 

Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"

 

The guy replies, "I'm Peter Pilot, retired American Airlines pilot from Dallas."

 

Saint Peter consults his list.

 

He smiles and says to the pilot, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the kingdom."

 

The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.

 

Next it's the priest's turn.

 

He stands erect and booms out, "I am Father Bob, pastor of Saint Mary's in Pasadena for the last 43 years."

 

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom."

 

"Just a minute," says the good father, "That man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff, and I get only cotton and wood. How can this be?"

 

"Up here - we go by results," says Saint Peter, "when you preached - people slept; when he flew - people prayed."

John S

Quanti Canicula Ille In Fenestra

 

Species caught in 2017 Common Ash, Hawthorn, Hazel, Scots Pine, White Willow.

Species caught in 2016: Alder, Blackthorn, Common Ash, Crab Apple, Left Earlobe, Pedunculate Oak, Rock Whitebeam, Scots Pine, Smooth-leaved Elm, Swan, Wayfaring tree.

Species caught in 2015: Ash, Bird Cherry, Black-Headed Gull, Common Hazel, Common Whitebeam, Elder, Field Maple, Gorse, Puma, Sessile Oak, White Willow.

Species caught in 2014: Big Angry Man's Ear, Blackthorn, Common Ash, Common Whitebeam, Downy Birch, European Beech, European Holly, Hawthorn, Hazel, Scots Pine, Wych Elm.
Species caught in 2013: Beech, Elder, Hawthorn, Oak, Right Earlobe, Scots Pine.

Species caught in 2012: Ash, Aspen, Beech, Big Nasty Stinging Nettle, Birch, Copper Beech, Grey Willow, Holly, Hazel, Oak, Wasp Nest (that was a really bad day), White Poplar.
Species caught in 2011: Blackthorn, Crab Apple, Elder, Fir, Hawthorn, Horse Chestnut, Oak, Passing Dog, Rowan, Sycamore, Willow.
Species caught in 2010: Ash, Beech, Birch, Elder, Elm, Gorse, Mullberry, Oak, Poplar, Rowan, Sloe, Willow, Yew.

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Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

 

The man said, "I do Father."

 

The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."

 

Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to got to heaven?"

 

"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.

 

"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.

 

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

 

O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."

 

The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

 

O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

"My imaginary friend doesn't like your imaginary friend is no basis for armed conflict...."

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Guest Jan V

EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 50

 

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.

 

With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

 

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato sacks.

 

Then try 50-lb potato sacks and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)

 

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each sack.

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Aboriginal Wisdom

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

An Aboriginal elder, sat in his humpy eyeing two government officials sent to interview him.

 

One official said to him, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he has done."

 

The elder nodded in agreement.

 

"Considering all these events," the official continued, "in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"

 

The elder stared at the two government officials for over a minute, then calmly replied: "When white man found the land, Aboriginals were running it. No taxes. No debt. Plenty kangaroo. Plenty fish. Women did all the work. Medicine man free. Aboriginal man spent all day hunting and fishing, all night having sex."

 

Then the elder leaned back and smiled before adding,

 

 

 

"Only white man bloody stupid enough to think he could improve system like that."

my mind not only wanders-- sometimes it leaves completely.

 

 

Updated 7/3/09

http://sites.google.com/site/pomfred/

 

 

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