Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Last month a world-wide survey was conducted by the United Nations.

The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

 

The survey was a massive failure:

 

In Africa, they didn't know what 'food' meant.

In Eastern Europe, they didn't know what 'honest' meant.

In Western Europe, they didn't know what 'shortage' meant.

In China, they didn't know what 'opinion' meant.

In the Middle East, they didn't know what 'solution' meant.

In South America, they didn't know what 'please' meant.

And in the United States, they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant!

my mind not only wanders-- sometimes it leaves completely.

 

 

Updated 7/3/09

http://sites.google.com/site/pomfred/

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 2.3k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

I ordered a Chinese meal last night. Chinese driver came to our door and I walked out to meet him. He started shouting "isolate" "isolate" I said you’re not that late, I only ordered 25 minutes ago!

Alex Salmond's colleagues decided it would be a worthy gesture to name a railway locomotive after him. So an official went to the National Railway Museum at York, to investigate the possibilities. "T

Posted Images

:D :D :D
" My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference!" - Harry Truman, 33rd US President

Link to post
Share on other sites

In the beginning God created day and night. He created day for footy matches, going to the beach

 

and BBQ's

 

 

He created night for going prawning,sleeping and BBQ's,and God saw that it was good.

 

On the Second Day, God created water - for surfing,-swimming and BBQ's on the beach , and God saw that it was good.

 

On the Third Day God created the Earth to bring forth plants to provide malt

and yeast for beer and wood for BBQs, and God saw that it was good.

 

On the Fourth Day God created animals

and crustaceans for chops, sausages,steak and prawns for BBQ's, and God saw that it was good.

 

On the Fifth day God created a Bloke to go to the footy, enjoy the beach, drink the beer and eat the meat and prawns at BBQ's, and God saw that it was good.

 

 

On the Sixth Day God saw that the Bloke was lonely and needed someone to go to the footy, surf, drink beer, eat and stand around the barbie with.

 

So God created Mates,and God saw that they were good Blokes, and God saw that it was good.

 

On the Seventh Day God looked around at the twinkling barbie fires, heard the hiss of opening beer cans and the raucous laughter of all the Blokes. He smelled the aroma of grilled chops and sizzling prawns and God Saw that it was good ...

Well. . Almost good.

 

He saw that the Blokes were too tired to clean up and needed a rest.

So God created Sheilas to clean the house, to bear children, to wash, to cook and to clean the Barbie, and then God saw that it was not just good.

 

 

It was better than that, it was Bloody Awesome!

 

 

IT WAS AUSTRALIA!!!!!

ocker-anim.gifROO.gif

 

 

Cheers, Bobj.

Link to post
Share on other sites

A teacher was discussing a broad outline about the birds and the bees.

She explained that when a man and a woman meet and fall in love and get

married,

it is often not long before the stork brings them a little baby from its

nest.

Little Johnny puts his hand up and asks the teacher...

'Are you sure about the stork miss?

Cos my big sister just got a little baby and she said it was from a shag at

the beach.'

ocker-anim.gifROO.gif

 

 

Cheers, Bobj.

Link to post
Share on other sites

A teacher was discussing a broad outline about the birds and the bees.

She explained that when a man and a woman meet and fall in love and get

married,

it is often not long before the stork brings them a little baby from its

nest.

Little Johnny puts his hand up and asks the teacher...

'Are you sure about the stork miss?

Cos my big sister just got a little baby and she said it was from a shag at

the beach.'

 

 

:bigemo_harabe_net-163::bigemo_harabe_net-163::bigemo_harabe_net-163:

my mind not only wanders-- sometimes it leaves completely.

 

 

Updated 7/3/09

http://sites.google.com/site/pomfred/

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Paddy and Mick are two Irishmen working at the local sawmill.

 

One day, Mick slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw.

 

Paddy quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick to the local hospital.

 

Next day, Paddy goes to the hospital and asks after Mick.

 

The nurse says, 'Oh he's out in Rehab exercising'.

 

Paddy couldn't believe it, but here's Mick out the back exercising his now re-attached arm.

 

The very next day he's back at work in the saw mill.

 

A couple of days go by, and then Mick slips and severs his leg on another bloody big saw thingamebob.

 

So Paddy puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick off to hospital.

 

Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how he is.

 

The nurse replies, 'He's out in the Rehab again exercising'.

 

And sure enough, here's Mick out there doing some serious work on the treadmill.

 

And very soon Mick comes back to work.

 

But, as usual, within a couple of days he has another accident and severs his head.

 

Paddy puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Mick to hospital.

 

Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Mick is.

 

The nurse breaks down and cries and says, 'He's dead.'

 

Paddy is shocked, but not surprised. 'I suppose the saw finally did him in.'

 

 

 

'No', says the nurse, 'Some dopey bastard put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated'.

ocker-anim.gifROO.gif

 

 

Cheers, Bobj.

Link to post
Share on other sites

A grade school teacher in Kentucky asked her students to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said,

'My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep, it was fascinating.'

The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate, not fascinating'

Sally raised her hand. She said,

'My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.'

The teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted

you to use the word 'fascinate.'

 

Little Johnny raised his hand.

The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by little Johnny before.

She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him.

Johnny said, 'My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons,

but her tits are so big, she can only fasten eight.'

 

The teacher sat down and was heard to mutter 'the bastard'.

Chris Goddard


It is to be observed that 'angling' is the name given to fishing by people who can't fish.

If GOD had NOT meant us to go fishing, WHY did he give us arms then??


(If you can't help out someone in need then don't bother my old Dad always said! My grandma put it a LITTLE more, well different! It's like peeing yourself in a black pair of pants she said! It gives you a LOVELY warm feeling but no-one really notices!))

Link to post
Share on other sites
Paddy and Mick are two Irishmen working at the local sawmill.

 

One day, Mick slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw.

 

Paddy quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick to the local hospital.

 

Next day, Paddy goes to the hospital and asks after Mick.

 

The nurse says, 'Oh he's out in Rehab exercising'.

 

Paddy couldn't believe it, but here's Mick out the back exercising his now re-attached arm.

 

The very next day he's back at work in the saw mill.

 

A couple of days go by, and then Mick slips and severs his leg on another bloody big saw thingamebob.

 

So Paddy puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick off to hospital.

 

Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how he is.

 

The nurse replies, 'He's out in the Rehab again exercising'.

 

And sure enough, here's Mick out there doing some serious work on the treadmill.

 

And very soon Mick comes back to work.

 

But, as usual, within a couple of days he has another accident and severs his head.

 

Paddy puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Mick to hospital.

 

Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Mick is.

 

The nurse breaks down and cries and says, 'He's dead.'

 

Paddy is shocked, but not surprised. 'I suppose the saw finally did him in.'

 

 

 

'No', says the nurse, 'Some dopey bastard put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated'.

 

COFFEE IN KEYBOARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:bigemo_harabe_net-163::bigemo_harabe_net-163::bigemo_harabe_net-163::bigemo_harabe_net-163::bigemo_harabe_net-163::bigemo_harabe_net-163:

Edited by greg long

IF YOUR DOG THINKS YOU ARE THE BEST

Don't seek a second opinion.

 

http://www.anglingireland.info

Fish Paintings

Linocut fishy prints..

Link to post
Share on other sites

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:

 

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

 

2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

 

3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.

 

4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.

 

5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.

my mind not only wanders-- sometimes it leaves completely.

 

 

Updated 7/3/09

http://sites.google.com/site/pomfred/

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

FIRST?? Christmas Joke??

 

 

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

 

"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

 

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.

 

"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.

 

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."

 

Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".

 

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

 

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

 

 

The man replied, "These are Carols."

 

HAVE A WONDERFUL YEAR NEXT YEAR BY THE WAY!!

Chris Goddard


It is to be observed that 'angling' is the name given to fishing by people who can't fish.

If GOD had NOT meant us to go fishing, WHY did he give us arms then??


(If you can't help out someone in need then don't bother my old Dad always said! My grandma put it a LITTLE more, well different! It's like peeing yourself in a black pair of pants she said! It gives you a LOVELY warm feeling but no-one really notices!))

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...