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WHY GOD MADE MUMS

 

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

 

Why did God make mothers?

1. She's the only one who knows where the sticky tape is.

2. Mostly to clean the house.

3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

 

 

How did God make mothers?

1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.

2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.

3. God made my Mum just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

 

 

What ingredients are mothers made of ?

1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.

2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

 

 

Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mum?

1. We're related.

2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's Mums like me.

 

 

What kind of little girl was your Mum?

1. My Mum has always been my Mum and none of that other stuff

2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.

3. They say she used to be nice.

 

 

What did Mum need to know about Dad before she married him?

1. His last name.

2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?

3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

 

 

Why did your Mum marry your Dad?

1. My Dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mum eats a lot.

2. She got too old to do anything else with him.

3. My Grandma says that Mum didn't have her thinking cap on.

 

 

Who's the boss at your house?

1. Mum doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.

2. Mum. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.

3. I guess Mum is, but only because she has a lot more to do than Dad.

 

 

What's the difference between Mums & Dads?

1. Mums work at work and work at home and Dads just go to work at work.

2. Mums know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.

3. Dads are taller & stronger, but Mums have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.

4. Mums have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

 

 

What does your Mum do in her spare time?

1. Mothers don't do spare time.

2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

 

 

What would it take to make your Mum perfect?

1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.

2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

 

 

If you could change one thing about your Mum, what would it be?

1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.

2. I'd make my Mum smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.

3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

ocker-anim.gifROO.gif

 

 

Cheers, Bobj.

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I ordered a Chinese meal last night. Chinese driver came to our door and I walked out to meet him. He started shouting "isolate" "isolate" I said you’re not that late, I only ordered 25 minutes ago!

Alex Salmond's colleagues decided it would be a worthy gesture to name a railway locomotive after him. So an official went to the National Railway Museum at York, to investigate the possibilities. "T

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LOL - priceless.

" My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference!" - Harry Truman, 33rd US President

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Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty.

The Father said, 'Top O the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer hoosband 2 years ago?' She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.'

The Father asked, 'And be there any wee little ones yet?'

She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.'

The Father said, 'Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer hoosband.'

She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father.' They then parted ways.

Some years later they met again. The Father asked, 'Well now, Mrs. Donovan , how are ye these days?'

She replied, 'Oh, very well, Father!' The Father asked, 'And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?'

She replied, 'Oh yes, Father! Three sets of twins and 4 singles, 10 in all!'

The Father said, 'That's wonderful! How is yer loving hoosband doing?'

She replied, 'E's gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin' candle.'

ocker-anim.gifROO.gif

 

 

Cheers, Bobj.

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TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.

MARIA: Here it is.

TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?

CLASS: Maria.

____________________________________

 

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

__________________________________________

 

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'

GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'

TEACHER: No, that's wrong

GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

(I Love this kid)

____________________________________________

 

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD: H I J K L M N O.

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

__________________________________

 

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.

WINNIE: Me!

__________________________________________

 

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

_______________________________________

 

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'

MILLIE: "I" is..

TEACHER: No, Millie ..... Always say, 'I am.'

MILLIE: All right... "I" am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'

________________________________

 

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

______________________________________

 

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

______________________________

 

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?

CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog.

___________________________________

 

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

HAROLD: A teacher

" My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference!" - Harry Truman, 33rd US President

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One morning, a man got on an elevator on the fourth floor which had a woman already in it.

The man looks at the woman and says, "You have the most beautiful hair!"

The woman, angrily gets out on the next floor and takes the stairs.

The next day the same man comes on the elevator on the fourth floor and sees the woman again.

"Your hair! It looks so smooth and silky!"

Furious, the woman gets off the next floor and decides again to take the stairs.

 

The day after that, the same man and woman end up on the elevator again. "I just really have to say that your hair smells amazing!

" The woman looks at the man and at a lost for words, storms out of the elevator.

That day at the office she is appraoched by her boss who sees that she is distressed.

"What's the matter?" he asks. "This whole week, you have come to work late and very upset."

"Well every day a man, the same man, tells me on the elevator that my hair smells really good," the woman replies.

"What's wrong with that?" her boss inquires.

Which she yells, "He is a midget!"

The salary of the chief executive of a large corporation is not a market award for achievement. It is frequently in the nature of a warm personal gesture by the individual to himself.

John Kenneth Galbraith

 

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HAHAHAHAHA, the penny has finally dropped :):):)

 

 

 

 

dohhhhhhhhhh, silly me, good one Hembo.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

you pervert. :o

 

Do you remember Rick Mayel in drop dead fred, he called it cobwebs. :)

Free to choose apart from the ones where the trust poked their nose in. Common eel. tope. Bass and sea bream. All restricted.


New for 2016 TAT are the main instigators for the demise of the u k bass charter boat industry, where they went screaming off to parliament and for the first time assisting so called angling gurus set up bass take bans with the e u using rubbish exaggerated info collected by ices from anglers, they must be very proud.

Upgrade, the door has been closed with regards to anglers being linked to the e u superstate and the failed c f p. So TAT will no longer need to pay monies to the EAA anymore as that org is no longer relevant to the u k . Goodbye to the europeon anglers alliance and pathetic restrictions from the e u.

Angling is better than politics, ban politics from angling.

Consumer of bass. where is the evidence that the u k bass stock need angling trust protection. Why won't you work with your peers instead of castigating them. They have the answer.

Recipie's for mullet stew more than welcomed.

Angling sanitation trust and kent and sussex sea anglers org delete's and blocks rsa's alternative opinion on their face book site. Although they claim to rep all.

new for 2014. where is the evidence that the south coast bream stock need the angling trust? Your campaign has no evidence. Why won't you work with your peers, the inshore under tens? As opposed to alienating them? Angling trust failed big time re bait digging, even fish legal attempted to intervene and failed, all for what, nothing.

Looks like the sea angling reps have been coerced by the ifca's to compose sea angling strategy's that the ifca's at some stage will look at drafting into legislation to manage the rsa, because they like wasting tax payers money. That's without asking the rsa btw. You know who you are..

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brilliant to last THREE!!!

Chris Goddard


It is to be observed that 'angling' is the name given to fishing by people who can't fish.

If GOD had NOT meant us to go fishing, WHY did he give us arms then??


(If you can't help out someone in need then don't bother my old Dad always said! My grandma put it a LITTLE more, well different! It's like peeing yourself in a black pair of pants she said! It gives you a LOVELY warm feeling but no-one really notices!))

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A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf.....Of course, the wife promptly whacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

 

The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.'

 

So the couple walked up to t he house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, 'Come on in.'

 

When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over t he place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.

 

A man reclining on the couch asked, 'Are you the people that broke my window?'

 

'Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that,' the husband replied.

 

'Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you... You see, I'm a genie , and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself.'

 

'Wow, that's great!' the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, 'I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.'

 

'No problem,' said the genie. 'You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!' 'And now you, young lady, what do you want?' the genie asked.

 

'I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world,' she said.

 

'Consider it done,' the genie said. 'And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!'

 

'And now,' the couple asked in unison, what's your wish, genie?'

 

'Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife.'

 

The husband looked at his wife and said, 'Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?'

 

 

 

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, 'You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?'

 

'You know I love you sweetheart,' said the husband. I'd do the same for you!'

 

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other in every way. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, How old are

you and your husband?'

 

'Why, we're both 35,' she responded breathlessly..

 

' NO **** .' He said, 'Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?

Chris Goddard


It is to be observed that 'angling' is the name given to fishing by people who can't fish.

If GOD had NOT meant us to go fishing, WHY did he give us arms then??


(If you can't help out someone in need then don't bother my old Dad always said! My grandma put it a LITTLE more, well different! It's like peeing yourself in a black pair of pants she said! It gives you a LOVELY warm feeling but no-one really notices!))

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One thing about Australians is that their hearts and humour are always in the right place!

 

 

 

T. B. Bechtel, a part-time City Councilman from Newcastle, NSW was asked

on a local live radio talk show, just what he thought of the allegations of

torture of the Iraqi prisoners.

 

 

His reply prompted his ejection from the studio, but to thunderous

applause from the audience.

 

 

 

HIS STATEMENT:

 

'If hooking up an Iraqi prisoner's nuts to a car's battery cables will save just

one Australians life, then I have just three things to say,'

 

 

'Red is positive,

 

Black is negative, and

 

Make sure his nuts are wet.'

ocker-anim.gifROO.gif

 

 

Cheers, Bobj.

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Love that one Bobj.

" My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference!" - Harry Truman, 33rd US President

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