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I ordered a Chinese meal last night. Chinese driver came to our door and I walked out to meet him. He started shouting "isolate" "isolate" I said you’re not that late, I only ordered 25 minutes ago!

Alex Salmond's colleagues decided it would be a worthy gesture to name a railway locomotive after him. So an official went to the National Railway Museum at York, to investigate the possibilities. "T

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Metrpolitan police have finally admitted they made a mistake in the shooting of Jean Charles de Meneze,,,it was his naughty brother Dennis they were looking for

 

Not in very good taste.

IF YOUR DOG THINKS YOU ARE THE BEST

Don't seek a second opinion.

 

http://www.anglingireland.info

Fish Paintings

Linocut fishy prints..

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Metrpolitan police have finally admitted they made a mistake in the shooting of Jean Charles de Meneze,,,it was his naughty brother Dennis they were looking for

 

PMSL :lol:

 

I can't believe I've never heard that of thought of it before!

 

NB: Being English and very proud of it, I make no apology for finding light relief in even the gravest of situations.

Geoff

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A more tasteful one(i hope)and apologies if it's already been posted,theres just too many to read


  1.  

Four nuns die suddenly in a tragic accident and go to heaven.Upon arrival at the pearly gates St. Peter asks"Have any of you had contact with a mans penis?"


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"I touched one with my finger once"the first nun admits"


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"Dip the said finger into the holy water and you may go through"said St Peter.


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"I held one once"exclaimed the second nun.


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"Dip the offending hand into the holy water and you may go through"replied St Peter


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Suddenly the fourth nun barges her way past the third nun..."Whats the rush?"asks St Peter.


  1.  

"Well"replied the fourth nun,"If you want me to gargle that water i'm going to do it before sister Anne sticks her arse in it"

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Tee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee, phnaar phnaar. Oh lord where's my hankie

Eating wild caught fish is good for my health, reduces food miles and keeps me fit trying to catch them........it's my choice to do it, not yours to stop me!

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Black Testicles

 

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure.

 

A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

 

Nurse,' he mumbles, from behind the mask 'Are my testicles black?'

 

Very embarrassed, the young nurse replies 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body.'

 

He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, I need to know are my testicles black?'

 

Concerned that he may elevate his vital signs from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.

 

She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around and around very gently.

 

Then, she takes a real close look and says, 'No sir, they aren't and I assure you, there's nothing wrong with them, Sir !!'

 

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her real big and says very slowly, 'Thank you very much. That was really wonderful, but listen very, very closely.....

 

' A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ? '

" My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference!" - Harry Truman, 33rd US President

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Two mates in a pub having a drink. One said to the other, 'does your wife do it doggy style'. Not exactly came the reply.

'She likes to play doggie tricks though'. 'Kinky stuff then said number one'. 'No she justs rolls over and plays dead'.

Free to choose apart from the ones where the trust poked their nose in. Common eel. tope. Bass and sea bream. All restricted.


New for 2016 TAT are the main instigators for the demise of the u k bass charter boat industry, where they went screaming off to parliament and for the first time assisting so called angling gurus set up bass take bans with the e u using rubbish exaggerated info collected by ices from anglers, they must be very proud.

Upgrade, the door has been closed with regards to anglers being linked to the e u superstate and the failed c f p. So TAT will no longer need to pay monies to the EAA anymore as that org is no longer relevant to the u k . Goodbye to the europeon anglers alliance and pathetic restrictions from the e u.

Angling is better than politics, ban politics from angling.

Consumer of bass. where is the evidence that the u k bass stock need angling trust protection. Why won't you work with your peers instead of castigating them. They have the answer.

Recipie's for mullet stew more than welcomed.

Angling sanitation trust and kent and sussex sea anglers org delete's and blocks rsa's alternative opinion on their face book site. Although they claim to rep all.

new for 2014. where is the evidence that the south coast bream stock need the angling trust? Your campaign has no evidence. Why won't you work with your peers, the inshore under tens? As opposed to alienating them? Angling trust failed big time re bait digging, even fish legal attempted to intervene and failed, all for what, nothing.

Looks like the sea angling reps have been coerced by the ifca's to compose sea angling strategy's that the ifca's at some stage will look at drafting into legislation to manage the rsa, because they like wasting tax payers money. That's without asking the rsa btw. You know who you are..

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A more tasteful one(i hope)and apologies if it's already been posted,theres just too many to read

  1.  

Four nuns die suddenly in a tragic accident and go to heaven.Upon arrival at the pearly gates St. Peter asks"Have any of you had contact with a mans penis?"


  1.  

"I touched one with my finger once"the first nun admits"


  1.  

"Dip the said finger into the holy water and you may go through"said St Peter.


  1.  

"I held one once"exclaimed the second nun.


  1.  

"Dip the offending hand into the holy water and you may go through"replied St Peter


  1.  

Suddenly the fourth nun barges her way past the third nun..."Whats the rush?"asks St Peter.


  1.  

"Well"replied the fourth nun,"If you want me to gargle that water i'm going to do it before sister Anne sticks her arse in it"

 

Splendid! :D:D

"Some people hear their inner voices with such clarity that they live by what they hear, such people go crazy, but they become legends"
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The recession is really taking hold now, Pedigree Pet foods have had to call in the retrievers, 3 out 4 submarine manufacturers are going under, bra manufacturers are going tits up and Heinz baby food has gone into liquidisation. :rolleyes:

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