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In the year 2007, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in England and said, "Once again, the earth hath become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build ye another Ark and save ye two of every living thing along with a few good humans."


He gave Noah the CAD drawings, saying, "You have 6 months to build thy Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights. "


Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard – but no Ark.


"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is thine Ark?"


"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed Building Regulations Approval because the Ark was over 30m2. I've been arguing with the Fire Brigade about the need for a sprinkler system.


My neighbours claim that I should have obtained planning permission for building the Ark in my garden because it is development of the site even though in my view it is a temporary structure, but the roof is too high.


We had to go to appeal to the Secretary of State for a decision. The Local Area Access Group complained that my ramp was going to be too steep, and the inside of the Ark wasn't fully accessible, then the Department of

Transport demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.


Getting the wood was another problem. All the decent trees have Tree Preservation Orders on them and we live in a Site of Special Scientific Interest set up in order to protect the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!


When I started gathering the animals, the RSPCA sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.


Then the County Council, the Environment Agency and the Rivers Authority ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.


I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities Commission on how many BMEs I'm supposed to hire for my building team. The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only CSCS accredited workers with Ark-building experience.


To make matters worse, Customs and Excise seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.


So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."


Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

No," said the Lord. "Tony Blair and the rest of ye Labour government beat me to it."

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Doesnt matter where I go, no one has anything nice to say about labour. How is it then they won the last election and why is they will probably win the next one. Baffles me. :blink:

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Doesnt matter where I go, no one has anything nice to say about labour. How is it then they won the last election and why is they will probably win the next one. Baffles me. :blink:

It's known as marketing your brand and they did that bloody well. They are a prime example of how to manage your image and public opinion - just look at the size of the press offices they employ (and recall 911 as being a "good day to bury bad news")


Unfortunately (for all of us) they're also a prime example of being incapable of delivering what they promised.

Our chief weapon is surprise

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Labour support isn't as -high- as you'd of thought - only 3% true voting difference at the last general election which represents a real difference proportionally of something like 19 seats in the houses of parliament - technically with the libs, that would be a hung parliament.


However, given we don't have proportional representation the bizarre democracy we have allows a bunch of cretins who took no more than 3% above their biggest competitor to hold 50% more seats in the house of commons and thereby have a fairly clear run to pass whatever crazy laws and rules they feel like.


Proportional representation has it's fall backs and throughout history it has lead to the odd undesirable gaining a political voice (Hitler being one - the chances are on a PR system in the UK the BNP would win one seat).

Ian W


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