Nursery Rhymes we didn't have as kids

[severus]

Mary had a little pig, She kept it fat and plastered; And when the

price of pork went up, she shot the little bastard.

*********************************

 

MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB Her father shot it dead. Now it goes to

school with her, between two hunks of bread.

********************

 

JACK AND JILL Went up the hill To have a little fun. Stupid Jill

forgot the pill And now they have a son.

********************

 

SIMPLE SIMON met a Pie man going to the fair. Said Simple Simon to

the Pie man, "What have you got there?" Said the Pie man unto

Simon, "Pies, you Dumb Ass"

********************

 

HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All

the kings' horses, And all the kings' men had scrambled eggs, For

breakfast again.

********************

 

HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle, all over the bedside

clock. The little dog laughed to see such fun. Then died of

electric shock.

********************

 

GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie, Kissed the girls and made them cry.

And when the boys came out to play, hee kissed them too 'cause he

was gay.

[DavyR]

I must have gone to the wrong sort of school (although it wasn't actually approved) - I remember all of those from when I was a kid...

[Clifftop]

 

 

All new for me except the last one.

[Mat Hillman]

Mary had a little lamb,

She tied it to a pylon

10,000 volts shot up it's arse

and turned it's wool to nylon

 

I went to a church school, and still remember all of them

 

Mat

[Ken L]

There was a little girl, who had a little curl, right in the middle of her for'ed.

When she was good, she was very very good.

But when she was bad, she was diagnised with attention deficit hypercactivity disorder.

[severus]

Good ones, Mat and Ken L. Now, I wonder how those hyperlinks to Amazon.com were inserted into my post? Strange.

[DavyR]

But when she was bad, she was diagnised with attention deficit hypercactivity disorder.

 

Is that when you don't notice that you've crapped yourself?