Showers

[Guest davidP]

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN

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1. Take off clothing and place it in a sectioned laundry basket according to lights, darks, whites, man made or natural.

 

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If husband seen along the way cover any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.

 

3. Look at womanly physique in the mirror and stick out belly.

 

4. Complain and whine about getting fat.

 

5. Get in shower.

 

6. Look for facecloth, armcloth, loin cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

 

7. Wash hair once with Cucumber and Lamprey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

 

8. Wash hair again with Cucumber and Lamprey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

 

9. Condition hair with cucumber and lamprey conditioner with enhanced natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

 

10. Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.

 

11. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

 

12. Rinse conditioner off hair taking at least 15 minutes to make sure that it's all come off.

 

13. Scream loudly when husband flushes toilet and water loses pressure and turns red hot.

 

14. Turn off shower.

 

15. Clean all wet shower surfaces.

 

16. Spray mould spots with flash bathroom spray.

 

17. Get out of shower.

 

18. Dry with towel the size of small African country.

 

19. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.

 

20. Check entire body for remotest sign of spots. Attack with nails or tweezers if found.

 

21. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

 

22. If husband seen, cover any exposed areas and then rush to bedroom to spend half an hour getting dressed.

 

 

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN

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1. Take off clothes while sitting on bed and leave them in pile on floor.

 

2. Walk naked to bathroom. If wife seen, shake knob at her making "Woo" sound.

 

3. Look at manly physique in mirror and suck in gut to see if you have pecs (no).

 

4. Admire size of knob in mirror, scratch privates and smell fingers for one last whiff.

 

5. Get in shower.

 

6. Don't bother to look for wash cloth - don't use one.

 

7. Wash face

 

8. Wash armpits

 

9. Laugh at how loud farts sound in the shower.

 

10. Wash privates and the surrounding area

 

11. Wash butt, leaving hair on soap

 

12. Shampoo hair but do not use conditioner

 

13. Make shampoo Mohican. Pull back curtain to see self in mirror

 

14. Pee (in shower)

 

15. Rinse off and get out of shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because the shower curtain has fallen outside the bath for the whole duration of your shower.

 

16. Partially dry off

 

17. Look at self in mirror again, flex muscles and admire size of knob (again)

 

18. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on floor

 

19. Leave bathroom light and fan on

 

20. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, grab knob, go "Yeah baby" and thrust pelvis at her.

 

21. Put on yesterdays clothes.

 

[Guest gray-catchpole]

all very true david

 

exept for the mohican..........i always try and make a shampoo mullet, as i already have a mohawk

 

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gray-catchpole

 

 

 

http://catchpole.cjb.net

mailto:catchpole@go-fishing.co.ukcatchpole@go-fishing.co.uk

[Guest darrell.cook]

Laughed until I cried.Fantastic!

[Guest gray-catchpole]

darrell

im getting woried mate, did you get my email about tomorrow??

 

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gray-catchpole

 

 

 

http://catchpole.cjb.net

mailto:catchpole@go-fishing.co.ukcatchpole@go-fishing.co.uk

[Guest Alan Pearce]

Very very good, all your own work? Got any more. What does Lyn think

 

Thanks I couldn't sleep now I'm even wider awake.

 

Alan.

[Guest The Tangler]

Very good david..... now lets have some more

[Guest The Tangler]

Very good david, do you have any more?

[Guest The Tangler]

SORRY about the double postings but when I done the first it did not seem to come through.

[Guest lyn]

Originally posted by Alan Pearce:

  Very very good, all your own work? Got any more. What does Lyn think  

 

Thanks I couldn't sleep now I'm even wider awake.

 

Alan.

 

It is so many years since I saw a man in the shower or passed one on the way to the bathroom that I am unable to give a full opinion on this. Perhaps one of you could give me a demo at Kempsey & then I can comment on it

 

There are a few comments there that sound familiar though

 

lyn

[Guest davidP]

Sorry, I can't claim credit for it - my wife found it on a MUD she plays. First I knew of it was when I came out of the bathroom, did one of the things on the list and she just fell about laughing (not the response I was expecting).