Idiots (funny stuff)

[Guest Newt]

Perhaps "Distracted Persons" would be a kinder term for these folks:

IDIOTS IN SERVICE:

This week, all our office phones went dead and I had to contact the telephone repair people. They promised to be out between 8:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m. When I asked if they could give me a smaller time window, the

pleasant gentleman asked, "Would you like us to call you before we come?" I replied that I didn't see how he would be able to do that,

since our phones weren't working. He also requested that we report future outages by email (Does YOUR email work without a telephone line?).

IDIOTS AT WORK:

I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card

was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature I had just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared the signature to the

one I had just signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.

IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: too many deer were being hit by

cars and he didn't want them to cross there anymore.

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

IDIOT SIGHTING #1:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"

To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"

He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."

IDIOT SIGHTING #2:

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually-challenged coworker of mine when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals

blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"

IDIOT SIGHTING #3:

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who is leaving the company due to 'downsizing," our manager commented cheerfully, "this is fun. We should do this more often." Not a word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

IDIOT SIGHTING #4:

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

IDIOT SIGHTING #5:

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our

car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.

"Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open!" To which he replied, "I know - I already got that side."

 

NOW DON'T YOU FEEL BETTER !!!

[Guest loonyl]

Nice one newt:

 

Heres one ...

ever wondered why you always have to wait

for the Internet Helpdesk?

and why they keep putting you on hold? http://cramsession.brainbuzz.com/video/hel...video_popup.asp

(Use the Windows Media - at the bottom,

56k modem)

Enjoy

Liam

[Guest loonyl]

How to learn Chinese in 5 minutes?

Read out loud

 

Are you harboring a fugitive?..........Hu Yu Hai Ding

See me A.S.A.P...........Kum Hia Nao

Stupid Man..........Dum Gai

Small Horse..........Tai Ni Po Ni

Did you go to the beach?..........Wai Yu So Tan?

I bumped into a coffee table..........Ai Bang Mai Ni

I think you need a facelift..........Chin Tu Fat

It's very dark in here..........Wai So Dim?

Has your flight been delayed?..........Hao Long Wei Ting?

That was an unauthorized execution.........Lin Ching

I thought you were on a diet..........Wai Yu Mun Ching?

This is a tow away zone..........No Pah King

Do you know the words to the Macarena?..........Wai Yu Sing Dum Song?

You are not very bright..........Yu So Dum

I got this for free..........Ai No Pei

I am not guilty..........Wai Hang Mi?

Please, stay a while longer..........Wai Go Nao?

They have arrived..........Hai Dei Kum

Stay out of sight..........Lei Lo

He's cleaning his automobile..........Wa Shing Ka

Your body odor is offensive..........Yu Stin Ki Pu

[Guest KAW]

NICE ONE LOONYL!!!!!!

VERY WITTY MATE

 

------------------

KAW

[Guest Newt]

Liam - good stuff there.

 

And here is the shortest joke I've ever seen:

(note: nuts is US slang for crazy and for testicles)

 

A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing only underwear made of Saran Wrap.

The psychiatrist says, "Well...I can clearly see your nuts."