Jokes

[Guest darrell.cook]

Did anyone see the David Beckham story the other night?He came across as a decent bloke,even laughing at jokes about himself.That's why I don't think he'd mind this one.Hope not anyway.

Posh buys David a thermos flask.

"What's it for?" he asks.

"It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold" she replies.

Suitably impressed he takes it along to the next training session.

"What's that?" asks Gary Neville.

"It's a thermos flask,it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"replies David proudly.

"What's in it?" asks Gary.

To which David replies"Two cups of coffee and a choc ice."

[Guest darrell.cook]

Any body got any jokes to share?

[Guest loonyl]

Originally posted by darrell.cook:

Any body got any jokes to share?

 

Theres some here http://www.scripts.uklinux.net/load.php3?g...group=alt.jokes

I didn't write them , and they are a bit risky at times !

Cheers

Liam

[Guest Newt]

Not a joke maybe, but funny.

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My buddy Jim and I were fishing for pike one fine morning, just enjoying a beautiful sunrise as we eased around a point when we saw a squirrel out on the end of a log over the water eating an acorn. I was just about to comment on the squirrel when suddenly a giant pike flew out of the water and slapped the squirrel to the surface with his tail. The squirrel started swimming rapidly for the shore when WHOOM!! the pike swallowed him whole in a massive splash. "Did you see that!!??" I said. "yup" said Jim. We backed the boat off to let the scene calm down before casting a bluegill for "dessert".

 

Then, we saw the pike right beside the log. We both watched open mouthed as the fish gently placed ANOTHER acorn on the log.

[Guest gray-catchpole]

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home having a smoke when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.

Lady 1: "What's that?"

Lady 2: "A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet."

Lady 1: "Where did you get it?"

Lady 2: "You can get them at any drugstore."

The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a packet of condoms. The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is, AFTER all, over 80 years of age), but politely asks what brand she prefers.

Lady 1: "Listen Sonny, it doesn't what make it is as long as it fits a camel."

 

er well i liked it

 

 

 

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gray-catchpole

 

 

 

http://catchpole.cjb.net

mailto:catchpole@go-fishing.co.ukcatchpole@go-fishing.co.uk

[Guest Bruno Broughton]

Two elderly Jewish gentlemen are sitting on a park bench when a busty, raven-haired young lady walks slowly past, hips swaying above her pelmet-height, tight skirt which reveals her long, stocking-clad legs and a nicely plump backside.

 

"Aaaaahhh", said one of the men.

 

"I know what you mean", said the other, "if I was 20 years younger I could really lend her one."

 

 

 

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Bruno

 

[This message has been edited by Bruno Broughton (edited 07 December 2000).]

[Guest fisherking]

It took a while Bruno but I got there in the end.

John.

[Guest waterman1013]

Nice one Newt.

 

Tell me how do you guys train pike to do that? We don't have that technique in Europe yet.

 

Mike