It seemed like a good idea at the time.

[Alan Hammond]

As part of the general renovation of the pond it was deemed that A) it would be a good idea to enlarge it slightly and deepen it and B to put in a proper rockery.

 

The first thing that I should have remembered was that when I put the pond in I put paving slabs around it and to save money and time hiring a masonry saw and cutting the awkward corner slabs I filled those areas with concrete. This did not want to come up. But perseverance and bad language prevailed and out it eventually came. The second thing that I should have remembered was that a foot below the surface the soil turns into solid clay. Dealing with that also required perseverance and bad language as well as a fairly liberal interpretation of the markings on the tape measure.

 

I did consider doing what somebody near here allegedly once did and report the finding of several Roman relics that he had found when starting to dig his pond, this area being only a mile or so north of that great Geordie wall builder Hadrian`s finest effort. The result of course being that the local historical society dug his pond and most of his garden for him before they twigged that they had been well conned. This was rejected on the grounds though that firstly it was unethical and secondly it was doubtful if the society would fall for the same thing twice any way.

 

My second mistake was the rockery. A quick scan of the net revealed that the lumps of stone that B and Q and garden centres are charging £5 upwards a shot for can be obtained for £100 a ton delivered direct from the quarry and that is retail. As there are about sixty lumps of rock per ton all of which make B and Qs offerings look like mere pebbles it seemed like a good idea.

 

It was when the rock was delivered that I spotted my mistake. Every single one had to be manhandled from the pallet, onto a wheel barrow, carted through the garage and utility room and deposited on the patio, which is about a two foot drop from the back of the house, ready for being placed another thirty feet away at the bottom of the garden at a later time. Some of those rock must have been knocking on for a hundred weight apiece.

 

I kid you not it was the hardest work that I have done for many a decade. In fact I cheated in the end as the Gas board have been laying some new mains and I persuaded one of their labourers to dump two of the biggest most awkward shaped boulders into the back of his waste truck. Which was easy for him as he had great big Hiab to do it with. Those two rocks were about thirty quids worth at B and Q prices which shows how desperate I was.

 

The only good thing about it is I reckon on garden centre prices that the stone I kept would have cost me over four hundred pounds. Now I just need to find somewhere that can sell me a new set of hinges for my back.

Edited April 20, 2007 by Alan Hammond

[Chris Goddard]

Got some BOSS painkillers for backs Alan!! Only thing is you won't be able to do anything because of the effect of the painkillers either............So pain and NO gain or NO pain and NO gain mate?? Which is it to be??