Peggy Burke

A HELL OF AN ANSWER The following is an actual question given on a University of Liverpool chemistry final exam. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues via the Internet, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well. Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's law that gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that, if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell. Because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay constant, the volume of Hell must expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities: 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Sandra during my freshman year, that "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is endothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is extinct ... leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being - which explains why, last night, Sandra kept shouting "Oh my God." THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A".

Thanks Chris

Thanks Chris, have sent a PM. Peggy

I have a friend who's having trouble getting on to a website forum and keeps getting the following message. Any ideas as to what it means and what she should do about it. It happens on both her home PC and also one at work. I go on to the same website and don't get the problem and no one else has reported it either. 9 times out of 10 when I try to get on to this website I get a message which says micro flash is causing the programme to run slow do you want to abort? if you choose no your computer may become unresponsive. So naturally I choose yes. The screen then continually flashes round and round so I have to open another website to get rid of it. Does any body know what this means or why it happens? At 1st I thought it was my computer playing up but it also happens when I try to log on at work. Sorry to be so thick but as is quite obvious I am not too computer literate. Any ideas or help gratefully received.

Is that a certain lady that stayed with us last year!!!! What's your secret Jan? I'd love to know. You look fantastic! Peggy

Now there's a thought!!! Seriously though I enjoyed meeting you all and glad you enjoyed the grub.

No he certainly hasn't!!!!!. On top of it all he demanded BJS for his dinner tonight. Baked Jam Sponge to the uniniated. And he got it!!!. Mind you he had had a pretty gutty day. Managed a double portion and custard Looking forward to meeting you all over the weekend. Peggy

I posted them up on a forum I belong to and challenged people to come up with a new one. One of the members came up with this one Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his Mother in-law in the bushes?

Very interesting - a bit like Malapropisms. My mum, bless her, always refers to men having prostrate trouble - mind you maybe some of them do if they're reluctant risers in the morning! She also says people have been casting nasturtiums instead of aspersions.

No I didn't, it arrived with me as is. However I think it makes good reading

The following is an actual advertisement in an Irish Newspaper..! 1985 Blue Volkswagen Golf Only 15 km Only first gear and reverse used Never driven hard Original tyres Original brakes Original fuel and oil Only 1 driver 0wner Wishing to sell due to employment lay-off Please see photo below www.paperweightsplus.com Standard and customised paperweights

An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 6 pounds." When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 pounds "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "So you followed my advice ?" The Irishman nodded..."I'll tell you though, by jaesuz, I t'aut I were going to drop dead dat 3rd day." "From hunger, you mean?" "No, from de bloody skipping !!!!"

Here 's my recipe - a bit of a variation 100g (4oz) butter or margarine 225g. (8oz) plain flour 10ml (2 level tsps) baking powder ½ level tsp mixed spice pinch of salt grated rind of ½ lemon 100g (4 oz demerara sugar) 100 g (4 oz mixed dried fruit) 1 beaten egg About 5ml (l tsp milk) Grease baking sheets. Rub the fat into flour, baking powder, salt and spices until like fine breadcrumbs. Stir in the lemon rind sugar and fruit. Pour the egg into a well in the centre of the mixture, and mix to a crumbly consistency using a little milk if necessary. Bind together using a fork. Shape together rough heaps of the mixture on a baking tray. Bake at 200 deg C or 400 deg F (Mark 6) for about 15-20 mins. Variation Replace the dried fruit with100 g (4 oz) chopped dates and 1 tbps of crystallized ginger.) Why not also try the following. My infant classes used to love making these and if you use the microwave it's very safe too. Chocolate Crackles Melt a bar of cooking chocolate in a bowl over hot water, or break into pieces and put in the microwave and melt using medium setting, stirring well. Add cornflakes or rice crispies to the melted chocolate until you have a stiff mixture and all the cereal is coated with chocolate Spoon into cake cases and put in the fridge to set. Variation - add some raisin to the mixture as welll. Shrewsbury Biscuits 125g (4oz) butter or margarine 150g (5oz) caster sugar 1 egg yolk 225g (8oz) plain flour grated rind of 1 lemon Grease a large baking sheet. Cream the fat and sugar until light and fluffy. Add the egg yolk and beat well Stir in the flour and lemon and mix to a fairly stiff dough. Knead lightly and roll out on a floured surface. Cut out with fancy cutters - round, stars or animal shapes etc. Bake at 180 deg C (350 deg F or mark 4) for about 15 minutes until firm and very light brown. Makes about 24. If using a round or star cutter you can sandwich two together with some vanilla butter cream Variations. Instead of lemon rind add 1 level tsp mixed spice or A few drops of vanilla essence or 50 g (2oz) mixed fruit [ Bread] Why not buy one of the ready made bread mixes from Tesco etc - Sunflower, Ciabatta etc and make these up with the kids. Kids are great at kneading the dough and get great results - unlike pastry a disaster with them. Comes out like grey concrete!! Have fun!!!

You have my sympathy Snatcher. I woke up with it one morning about 10 years or so ago. Wondered what the hell was happening as the room just spun round and round, Couldn't move my head from side to side and felt very sick. Had to get back from my father-in-law's in Wimborne - not a pleasant car journey! I went to the doctor the following day and he gave me tablets and it cleared up in about a week or so..

Oh yeah?!!!

This has just appeared on UK Teletext as an item of news although in fact it's a couple of years old. Two pupils who drew a giant penis on a school lawn using weed killer two years ago can still admire their work from satellite photos now posted on the internet. Despite the school re-seeding the area, the penis has turned up on satellite image search engines because a photo was taken before the new grass could conceal the appendage. The unnamed pair of year 11 pupils from Bellemoor school for boys in Southampton, burned the 6-metre (20ft) phallus into the grass as an end of term joke. Staff, parents and pupils who log on can now see the image in all its glory. A spokeswoman for the school said: "It was just one of those high school jinks. "This was an act of vandalism that took place during the summer of 2005. Southampton city council re-seeded the area and the grass was re-grown by the beginning of the new school term." To see the pics click on the link http://www.airliners.net/discussions/non_a...d.main/1516268/

Sad isn't it - kids will grow up without ever being allowed to take risks, and won't know what to do when faced with an unknown situation. I remember Clackers, and yes they were banned because quite honestly a playground full of up to 100 kids all flailing these hard balls around their ankles was likely to end in tears - for the teacher who was on playground duty! The recent snow however reminded me of the wonderful times we used to have at one school I taught at in Germany. One side of the playground had a steep grassy bank that got turned into a toboggan run as soon as the snow fell. We usually had a good 6 inches so there was a good covering. All the kids would turn up with their NAAFI plastic carrier bags and would have wonderful fun sliding down the hill. The teachers also joined in, if the kids would allow them a turn with their bags! Of course nowadays we aren't even allowed to send the kids out on to the playground if it snows in case they slip over. They can't have snowball fights in case they pick up a bit of stone in the snow. In Germany the kids donned their moon boots, ski-suits and went out whatever the weather, unless it was actually snowing hard or the medical centre deemed it too cold for them. Mind you it had to be well down in the minus figures for that to happen. Happy Days! - the kids today don't know what they're missing

However T-Mobile have got an offer at the moment. http://www.t-mobile-campaign.co.uk/sim/?&a...e&WT.srch=1

Offer expired sadly :-( Peggy

We have our own domain. However the template style website basically suits us, it's quick and easy to use. It was just that one of our customers suggested putting up links to our newsletters on the website and therefore I need somewhere to link to. Nick has come up trumps and given me a little bit of space on his server. So many thanks Nick, going to re-name you North Star!!! Peggy

No 8 rings some bells with me !!!!!

Hi Newt We don't have control over the directories on the website. It's template based and all we can do is enter text and pics plus a few other basic functions. We're presently exploring ways of redesigning it. However thanks for the info. Peggy

They're not on a website, they're in My Documents as Word and PDF files. I want to put a link to them on my website but need a URL. Nick has very kindly offered me some space which should solve the problem. Thanks however for the suggestion Elton. :-)

I want to store some PDF files on a site so I can create a link to them from my website. Any suggestions of a good place to use - don't want to add to the deluge of Spam we're already getting. I use Photobucket for pics which I'm very happy with but they don't host text files. Peggy

Thanks NIck. I've just sent out our Paperweights Plus newsletter in Word format as usual but one of our US customers came back and said that she couldn't read it - has a very old version of Word. Probably still operating DOS!!!! She suggested sending as a PDF file and so I downloaded PDF Creator and Bingo - all done and dusted. Will have a look at some of the other offerings when I've a minute. However at the moment got an appointment with the accounts and a deadline as Adam Hart-Davis keeps reminding me