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Bobj

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Posts posted by Bobj

    HAVE A LAUGH

    in Non-Fishing Chat

    Posted

    An oldie, but worth a second look...

    These are sentences exactly as typed by medical secretaries

    in NHS Greater Glasgow



    1. The patient has no previous history of suicide.


    2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.


    3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.


    4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.


    5.. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.


    6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.


    7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.


    8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.


    9. Discharge status:-      Alive, but without my permission.


    10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.


    11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.


    12. She is numb from her toes down.


    13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.


    14. The skin was moist and dry.


    15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.


    16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.


    17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.


    18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.


    19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy.


    20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.


    21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.


    22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.


    23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.


    24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.


    25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.


    26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

    27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.


    28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.


    29. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.


    30. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.


    31.. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.


    32. The patient was to have a bowel resection..  However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.


    33. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

     For the sake of your health - stay away from Glasgow Hospitals

     

    HAVE A LAUGH

    in Non-Fishing Chat

    Posted · Edited by Bobj
    cleaning

    profile_mask2.png
     
    Fri, Feb 14, 10:33 PM (16 hours ago)
       
     
    to
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    In a train from London to Manchester, an American was berating the Englishman sitting across from him.
    "The trouble with you English is that you are so bloody stuffy ...
    You set yourselves above the average person.
    Do you really think your stiff upper lip attitude really works…
    Look at me: I'm me! I have a little Italian in me, a bit of Greek blood, a little Irish and some Spanish blood.
    What do you say to that?"
     
    The Englishman lowered his newspaper and replied, "How very sporting of your mother."
     
     
    • Haha 1

    BBC Wales, hmmm.

    in Non-Fishing Chat

    Posted

    50 minutes ago, Phone said:

    Err?

    Are those chaps Welch?

    The highest an American player has ever reached in professional snooker was Jim Rempe, who was ranked 101st during the 1987-88 season.

    Phone

    Err, welch is when you don’t pay on a lost bet. 
    Welsh is the proper name for taffys

     

     

    I think.

    A Big Strike

    in Non-Fishing Chat

    Posted

    Excellent! Many thanks for that info. I do remember that there was some dispute re the 'Pendennis Castle', but didn't attach the two incidents.

    Will certainly dig deeper as your info has whet my appetite!

    Bob.

    A Big Strike

    in Non-Fishing Chat

    Posted

    When I lived in Yorkshire some 56 years ago, I seem to remember there was a big strike in one of the big shipyards, Harland and Wolff, or, Cammell Laird that occurred because 2 men, a welder and his offsider argued as to whose job it was to lift the chalked string to mark a steel plate in order to cut it.  I remember that a lot of jobs were lost due to that insignificant act.

    Can anyone shed light on the incident, please.

    Dreaming of warmer days and holidays

    in Coarse Fishing

    Posted

    @The Flying Tench, A bit more to that photo. I was fishing with a couple of youngsters this morning and one of them knows the bloke in the photo. Seems he was just walking along the bank and saw the fish further along the bank, dead. He reasoned that it was from hot weather????...And reasoned that it was 50 kg.????? So, it made the local news

    Most likely caught and kept out of the water too long, while taking photos. As to size, I reckon 35 kg would be a lot closer.

    BTW,  Kinchant Dam has an impressive record for barra.

    https://kinchantwaters.com.au/

     

     

    Mango Time

    in Non-Fishing Chat

    Posted

    18 hours ago, Martin56 said:

    Nothing the local Air rifle fraternity couldn't sort!! ;)

    Yes they are a protected species but dispensation can be given to cull given extenuating circumstances!!

    When you see about 20,000 of the stinking, evil creatures take about 15 minutes to fly past, it gets that you need a barrage of 12 gauge shotguns. Absolute decimation of backyard mango trees. Yesterday, Mum and I cleaned up my nextie's garden (he has 2 new hips), we threw a wheelbarrow full of kensington pride mangoes into the rubbish pit. That was one night's foray by the blighters in one garden tree...

    Mango Time

    in Non-Fishing Chat

    Posted

    20 hours ago, Phone said:

    Bobj,

    It's well to hear summer and fruit stories.  Arce-hole deep in snow -5.5c 

     

    Phone

    Living in a deep freeze isn't good for the arteries, Phone...Much prefer 35 C to -5.5C

    • Like 1

    Mango Time

    in Non-Fishing Chat

    Posted

    11 hours ago, Ken L said:

    Muppets in Darwin planted mango trees along the streets. When I was there a few years ago, the flying foxes were in town and making a hell of a mess.

    And did you drop a line for a barramundi? The Tourist Board, tagged a number of barra with prize tags and released them throughout the area. The total prize money was $1m

    Mango Time

    in Non-Fishing Chat

    Posted

    10 hours ago, Ken L said:

    Muppets in Darwin planted mango trees along the streets. When I was there a few years ago, the flying foxes were in town and making a hell of a mess.

    My garden backs onto National Park and every 3rd year a ranger comes to see what's been happening. It seems the hierachy in the QLD National Parks And Wildlife take a dislike to the people who plant mango and custard apple trees are doing wrong and try to tick us off. However, they cannot believe that the very creatures they 'protect', the possums and flying foxes, are dropping the seeds in the parks.

    The council of a small town in NSW, Bingara, planted the main street with orange trees and every year the primary school children are given a morning to harvest the oranges and sell them. The proceeds go to the school.

    Mango Time

    in Non-Fishing Chat

    Posted

    December and mangoes, yum!

    The supermarkets are selling them at $2 each and the locals in my area are chucking the ones they grow in the rubbish due to flying foxes and possums ...

    One from my tree weighed 1.3 kg

    P1080186.JPG.aea6abe52c84f2bc04baece954b43dbd.JPG

    • Like 1

    HAVE A LAUGH

    in Non-Fishing Chat

    Posted

    BRAINS (?) OF BRITAIN (??) (these are real)

     

    BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)

    Jamie Theakston:

    Where do you think Cambridge University is?

    Contestant:

    Geography isn't my strong point.

    Jamie Theakston:

    There's a clue in the title.

    Contestant:

    Leicester

     


    BBC NORFOLK

    Stewart White:

    Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?

    Contestant:

    I don't know.

    Stewart White:

    I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?

    Contestant:

    Arm

    Stewart White:

    Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...?

    Contestant:

    Strong.

    Stewart White:

    Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?

    Contestant:

    Louis

    Stewart White:

    Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?

    Contestant:

    Frank Sinatra?

     

    LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS )

    Alex Trelinski:

    What is the capital of Italy ?

    Contestant:

    France.

    Trelinski:

    France is another country. Try again.

    Contestant:

    Oh, um, Benidorm.

    Trelinski:

    Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?

    Contestant:

    Sorry, I don't know.

    Trelinski:

    Just guess a country then.

    Contestant:

    Paris.

     

    THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)

    Anne Robinson:

    Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: - Prison, or

    the Conservative Party?

    Contestant:

    The Conservative Party.

     

    BEACON RADIO ( WOLVERHAMPTON )

    DJ Mark:

    For 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?

    Ruth from Rowley Regis:

    I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?

     

    UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE

    Bamber Gascoyne:

    What was Gandhi's first name?

    Contestant:

    Goosey?

     

    GWR FM ( Bristol )

    Presenter:

    What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?

    Contestant:

    I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.

     

    PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO? MANCHESTER)

    Phil:

    What's 11 squared?

    Contestant:

    I don't know.

    Phil:

    I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.

    Contestant:

    Is it five?

     

    RICHARD AND JUDY

    Richard:

    Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?

    Contestant:

    Forrest Gump.

     

    RICHARD AND JUDY

    Richard:

    On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?

    Contestant:

    Er. ... ....

    Richard:

    He makes bread . . ...

    Contestant:

    Er .. .......

    Richard:

    He makes cakes . . ...

    Contestant:

    Kipling Street?

     

    LINCS FM PHONE-IN

    Presenter:

    Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?

    Contestant:

    Barcelona.

    Presenter:

    I was really after the name of a country.

    Contestant:

    I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain .

     

    NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)

    Question:

    What is the world's largest continent?

    Contestant:

    The Pacific.

     

    ROCK FM ( PRESTON )

    Presenter:

    Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci.

    Contestant:

    Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

     

    THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)

    Steve Le Fevre:

    What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918?

    Contestant:

    Magna Carta?

     

    JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)

    James O'Brien:

    How many kings of England have been called Henry?

    Contestant:

    Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... ER. ER ... Three?

     


    CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL )

    Chris Searle:

    In which European country is Mount Etna ?

    Caller:

    Japan.

    Chris Searle:

    I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.

    Caller:

    Er ........ Mexico ?

     

    PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE )

    Paul Wappat:

    How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?

    Contestant (long pause):

    Fourteen days.

     

    DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)

    Daryl Denham:

    In which country would you spend shekels?

    Contestant:

    Holland?

    Daryl Denham:

    Try the next letter of the alphabet.

    Contestant:

    Iceland? Ireland ?

    Daryl Denham: (helpfully)

    It's a bad line. Did you say Israel ?

    Contestant:

    No.

     

    PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)

    Phil Wood:

    What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?

    Contestant:

    Er... .... ....

    Phil Wood:

    It's got two syllables . . . Kor . ..

    Contestant:

    Blimey?

    Phil Wood:

    Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . ...

    Contestant:

    (Silence)

    ...

    Baitcasters

    in Coarse Fishing

    Posted

    One has to raise the question of names; bait caster as opposed to ‘multiplier’, a word I find absurd. They revolve around a centrepin, as do all reels, they don’t multiply anymore than a bait caster, or spinning reel.

    In Australia, they are called overheads being, naturally, over the rod.

    So, quitcha bellyaching and get using ‘em!

    • Like 1

    Baitcasters

    in Coarse Fishing

    Posted

    Have 7 Abus and all very good casting reels. All mine are righthanders and easy to cast. An Australian fishing journo used the term,"the educated thumb" to best describe the manner of eliminating the bird nests; that is, to feather the rapidly revolving reel drum with the thumb and to press the drum at point of contact with the water. I still get the odd birdnest due to opposing winds and/or too light a bait.

    Most of them have accounted for decent fish, 60 lb barramundi, 20 lb long tail tuna etc.

    Most of them are 5600 C4, so I have spare parts.(100km round trip to town for a pawl?)

    Best angling holiday

    in Coarse Fishing

    Posted

    Those are monster Barra Bob. What's the weight of a fish like that?

    The 4 barra we caught at night were all about 20-23 kg, while the 119 cm fish was 27 kg.

    Oddly, we caught a really fat barra that regurgitated 5 bony bream on the deck and weighed 24.5 kg. Might have tipped the scales at 28 kg if it had not coughed up...

    Best angling holiday

    in Coarse Fishing

    Posted

    Not me, but my son. He came over from Western Australia for a week, visiting Dear Old Mum and Dear Old Dad. So, I took him to Lake Proserpine, an hour's drive north of where I live. We fished at night in the main basin and got 2 double hook ups which resulted in 4 barramundi from 114 cm to 117 cm. All in the space of 10 minutes.

    Next day, we got 7 barra between us, one being my pb @ 119 cm.

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