True Story "2"

[Chris Goddard]

Next time you have a bad day at work...think of this guy. Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an e-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to 'Laughline', who were sponsoring a "worst job experience" contest. Needless to say, she won.

 

Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office I know you've been feeling down lately at work,so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realise it's not so bad after all.

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: wehave a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of sh!t sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightfultemperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which istaped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a damn good plan, and I've used it several timeswith no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working,is I take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my bum started toitch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within afew seconds my @rse started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back,

but the damage was done.

In agony I realised what had happened. The hot water machine had suckedup a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my

bum was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch,I was actually grinding the jellyfish into my @rse.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with 5 other divers, was laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive I was instructed to make 3 agonising in-water decompression stops totalling 35 minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my decompression.

When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my

bum as soon as I get in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't sh1t for 2 days because my@rsehole was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your @rse......

[Guest NickInTheNorth]

Chris

 

Don't you ever post TWO true stories like these on one night again. I am typing this hardly able to breathe and with tears streaming down my cheeks.

 

Two of the best I've ever heard, but in future one per night please. :cool: :cool:

[Alan Fawcett]

NickInTheNorth:

Chris

 

Don't you ever post TWO true stories like these on one night again. I am typing this hardly able to breathe and with tears streaming down my cheeks.

 

Two of the best I've ever heard, but in future one per night please. :cool: :cool:

Chris

 

DITTO on what Nick said

[Chris Goddard]

They made me chuckle a little also!! And I had to edit them before posting, so spare a thought for me!!

 

Chris

[larry1]

iv'e never laughed so much.