Only in America!!!!!

[Zinky]

Only in America!!!!!

 

Stella Award Nominations

 

Most of the country has heard of the Darwin Awards given annually to the individuals who do the most for mankind by removing themselves from the gene pool.

 

Now, we have the Stella Awards given to the individuals who win the most frivolous lawsuits ever. The Stella Awards are named in honour of 81 year-old Stella Liebeck, the woman who won $2.9 million for spilling a cup of McDonald's coffee on herself. The following are candidates for the award:

 

1. January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded

$780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle, tripping over a toddler who was running amuck inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering that the misbehaving little fellow was Ms. Robertson's son.

 

2. June 1998: 19 year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbour ran over his hand with a Honda

Accord.

Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of

The car when he was trying to steal his neighbour’s hubcaps.

 

3. October 1998: Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pa., was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up, because the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation. Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found in the garage and a large bag of dry dog food. Mr. Dickson sued the homeowner's insurance, claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of a half million dollars.

 

4. October 1999: Jerry Williams of Little Rock Arkansas was awarded

$14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbour’s beagle. The dog was on a chain in its owner's fenced-in yard at the time. Mr. Williams was also in the fenced-in yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog may have been provoked by Mr. Williams who, at the time, was repeatedly shooting it with a pellet gun.

 

5. December 1997: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber

Carson of Lancaster, Pa., $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx. The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson threw it at her boy friend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

 

6. December 1997: Kara Walton of Clamont, DE. Successfully sued the

owner of a night club when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

And, a recent addition. Jan 2002. Police in Vermont stopped a man. After running his name, it came back that there were warrants for his arrest from Florida. Before the police could arrest him, he fled into a nearby forest (in the middle of winter). The police searched for him, but were unable to find him. Three days later,

the suspect turned himself in to police and was taken to the hospital

with frostbite. He ended up having several fingers and toes amputated. He is now suing the police. Why? The police didn't look for him hard enough! He stated in an interview, 'If they had searched harder, they would've found me'. He's accusing the police of dereliction of duty leading to his loss of limbs.

[Newt]

In our defense, here are a few lawsuits that didn't turn out as well for the idiots filing them. And one that falls into the "gosh, I'm glad they did award money" category.

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A Philadelphia psychic sued Temple University Hospital, claiming an X-ray they gave her destroyed her extra-sensory powers and wrecked her business. A jury awarded her $986,465 - but a judge made the verdict vanish, calling the damages so "grossly excessive as to shock the court's sense of justice."

 

After smoking pot, a couple was making love on subway tracks in New York when a train ran over them. Amazingly, they survived - and sued the city. They accused the Transit Authority of "carelessness, recklessness and negligence," for sending a train down a seldom used track - but never pursued their claim.

 

Babes didn't flock to a Michigan man when he drank Bud Light beer - so he sued Anheuser-Busch. He claimed the curvy gals in commercials implied drinking their brew would bring him a fantasy life. Plus, they distracted him and others from the health dangers of drinking, and caused him "physical and mental injury, emotional distress and financial loss." A Michigan judge tossed out his suit. The drinker appealed, but that fizzled out too.

 

A Maharishi follower sued his guru because he never learned how to fly. Maharishi International University promised him he would, the student claimed. Besides, he said, the twice-daily practice of chanting did not reverse the aging process or bring him "the perfect state of life." A jury took the man seriously and awarded him $137,890.

 

A deranged construction worker cut off his hand with a power saw after spotting what he said was the "666" sign of the devil on it. Airlifted to a hospital with the hand on ice, the man refused to allow surgeons to reattach it - for fear Satan would possess him - so they sealed the stump and sent him home. Later, the handless man sued the surgeon for $144,000 - because the doctor listened to his instructions. A jury gave his lawsuit two thumbs down - and dismissed it.

 

A driver barreling the wrong way down a highway killed a couple in a head-on collision - and months later sued his victims' estate for damages. He claimed memories of the crash depressed him, and besides, the decreased "had the time, the opportunity and the ability to avoid this accident." A jury totaled his case.