Lewd Cracker Jokes

[Chris Plumb]

You have been warned...

 

1. Why do gay men wear ribbed condoms ?

For traction in the mud.

 

2. What is the difference between medium and rare ?

Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

 

3. What's a mixed feeling ?

When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

 

4. What's the height of conceit ?

Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

 

5. What's the definition of macho ?

Jogging home from your own vasectomy.

 

6. Why do Irish men wear two condoms ?

To be sure, to be sure.

 

7. What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball ?

A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

 

8. Why is divorce so expensive ?

Because it's worth it.

 

9. What is a Yankee ?

The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

 

10. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common ?

They both like a tight seal.

 

11. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common ?

Their balls are just for decoration.

 

12. What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers ?

Well hung.

 

13. What's the difference between purple and pink ?

The grip.

 

14. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony ?

It's not hard.

 

15. What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife ?

2 stone.

 

16. What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband ?

45 minutes.

 

17. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact ?

Breasts don't have eyes.

 

18. If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love ?

Swallow.

 

19. Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their mind ?

Because most men are stupid and few are blind.

 

20. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?

They don't have balls to scratch.

 

 

Chris

[Newt]

ROFOLMAO