The Night before Thanksgiving

[Newt]

Twas the night before Thanksgiving and all through the kitchen;

I was cooking and baking and moanin' and bitchin'.

I've been here for hours, I can't stop to rest, this rooms a disaster, just look at this mess!

Tomorrow I've got thirty people to feed.

They expect all the trimmings. Who cares what I need!

My feet are both blistered, I've got cramps in my legs.

The cat just knocked over a bowl full of eggs.

There's a knock at the door and the telephone's ringing; frosting drips on the counter as the microwave's dinging.

Two pies in the oven, dessert's almost done; my cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.

 

I've had all I can stand, I can't take anymore; Then in walks my husband, spilling rum on the floor.

He weaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady; then grins as he chuckles "The eggnog is ready !"

 

He looks all around and with total regret, says "What's taking so long....aren't you through in here yet ??"

As quick as a flash I reach for a knife; He loses an earlobe; I wanted his life !

He flees from the room in terror and pain and screams "MY GOD WOMAN, YOU'RE GOING INSANE !!"

 

Now what was I doing, and what is that smell ?

Oh, darn, it's the pies !! They're burned all to hell.

I hate to admit when I make a mistake, but I put them on BROIL instead of on BAKE.

What else can go wrong ?? Is there still more ahead??

If this is good living, I'd rather be dead.

Lord, don't get me wrong, I love holidays; It just leaves me exhausted, all shaky and dazed.

But I promise you one thing, If I live till next year, You won't find me pulling my hair out in here.

I'll hire a maid, a cook, and a waiter; and if that doesn't work, I'LL HAVE IT ALL CATERED

 

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO EVERYONE!!

[Gaffer]

Happy thanks giving Newt, and all our American friends.

[chesters1]

quote:

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Happy thanks giving Newt, and all our American friends

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happy :confused: isnt thanksgiveing remembering the escape from english tyrrany surly just remembering the day has anti british overtones :confused:

[Gaffer]

chesters1:

quote:

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Happy thanks giving Newt, and all our American friends

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happy :confused: isnt thanksgiveing remembering the escape from english tyrrany surly just remembering the day has anti british overtones :confused:

Sorry Chesters, but could you remind me what being British is all about, 'cos to be honest I'd rather be elsewhere right now.

 

It's raining, it's cold, the government is a shambles, etc, etc. Blimey Chesters, I'm sounding like you.

[chesters1]

quote:

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It's raining, it's cold, the government is a shambles, etc, etc.

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youve just answered it

i think newts holiday remembers a time when you couldnt say it though

[Newt]

chesters1:

quote:

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Happy thanks giving Newt, and all our American friends

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happy :confused: isnt thanksgiveing remembering the escape from english tyrrany surly just remembering the day has anti british overtones :confused:

chesters1 - you are thinking of our Independence Day on July 4.

 

Thanksgiving started as a holiday early on after settlement here and mostly was a harvest festival and the celebrants were Native Americans and Brit transplants (and still citizens) since it was originally an East Coast thing. The only white folk who could say they (or their parents/grandparents) had left England to escape "tyrrany" would have been speaking of religious matters. And at that point in time, I think all of them felt themselves to be loyal Englishmen.

 

The tension didn't start until much later when there was a disagreement over the American Colonials paying taxes to England but not having even one seat in Parliment. Supporting the government and having no say whatever in how it was being run offended some folks.

 

And these days from what I can gather, most Americans think well of the UK and her residents. I was surprised when I began posting here regularly to learn that in many cases that feeling isn't mutual.

[nursejudy]

I think that is something to do with people being envious of what many think is a better way of life,and look at all the different types of weather america experiences,a climate to suit all tastes. For example we are only recently getting used to bathrooms that are warm....bliss

a poorly nurse judy.

[chesters1]

you may be right newt

but as you probably notice that us from over the pond have nothing against americans its usually the "top etchelon" that takes the flack

never mind newt its not too late to come back to the fold ,now about those unpaid taxes WITH intrest since 1776

[Newt]

chesters1:

.... ,now about those unpaid taxes WITH intrest since 1776

Only if we can pay in Euros. Lemme see, hmmmm, 100 billion Euros, what is that in real money? About £100 should do it don't you think?

[chesters1]

dollers will do